Wednesday, December 15, 2010

I've been for a walk on a winters day

So, I hate bad drivers in the snow.  Why don't you know how to drive in the snow yet?  I can't give you the excuse that it's you forgot how to drive because it's the first snow of the year.  We have had three snow events now, you should be used to it!  Maybe you just need some help, here, take my advice for driving in snow in Ohio.  If you suck at snow driving, please take it to heart. 

1.  If you suck at driving in the snow and you know it, do not drive.  At all.  Hire a driver.  Or get a taxi.  Or stay home.  Or walk.  I don't care how you get anywhere, just don't drive.

2.  If you think you are really good at driving in the snow and take the back roads but only drive 10 miles an hour the whole way, you are not good at driving in the snow.

3. If you think you are really good at driving in the snow and you take the back roads and drive 50 miles an hour the whole way, you are not good at driving in the snow and you are a giant clitoris.

4.  If you have a big truck or SUV that does not automatically give you the right to drive as if the snow was not on the road.  Or the right to drive in the middle of the road even when there is oncoming traffic in the other lane.  I laugh twice as long and hard when I pass your stupid ass in the ditch a little further down the road.

5.  If you are having a hard time getting traction, kick it into one of the additional D gears you have.  That's what they are there for.  You know the ones I mean?  The ones you have never used before in your life?  If you have an automatic transmission car, they are the bottom two or three, just below the drive gear that is marked D.  Here's what it looks like:
6.  If you know you suck at driving and you still have to drive, follow these simple rules: drive on the main roads.  They get plowed first and more often.  Back roads are not your friends.  If you have to drive back roads, put on your hazzards if you are going to drive like an idiot.  And let me pass you.  And don't be mad when I pass you.  Because you shouldn't be driving anyway.

1 comment:

  1. My car doesn't have those low gears. It has autostick and I really don't know how to use it.. Probably something I should learn though. It wouldn't be so bad if the city would just use some salt!! But I def agree people suck at driving in this.. The reason I try not to drive in it.. I can drive in it, but it's the other ass wipes on the road that scare me. Ughh I wish the snow would just go away.

    Oh my safe word for posting this was festocks!! Thought it was a funny word so I edited this to tell you!