Sunday, August 14, 2016

Don't leave, I know we are dreaming

So, some statistics because Dude who sleeps next to me was asking for them.

Since September of last year I have written:
292,447 words (estimated from averaged word count per random page sampling)
640 pages (standard word document sized)
53 chapters
2 1/3 books

So, I internet-ed a bit and found that if it were to go into print format (5.5x8.5 format) that my books would be:

Book 1 Anri and Seth: Bloodbound 408 pages
Book 2 Anri and Seth: Demonbound 583 pages
Book 3 Anri and Seth: Feywilds  179 pages (so far at chapter 9)

Now...what to do...what to do. I am seriously considering trying to publish, even if no one buys it.  I wonder how many books are written every year that are in exactly the same place as mine...authors with no confidence wondering if they should or shouldn't just put out into the world what they have created.  I would hate to publish something if it was horrible, but I don't think mine is.  But it's mine, so I wouldn't right?  Wait, I know my self esteem.  I always think my stuff is horrible.  So if I actually think my stuff is good...

I think my head just exploded.  I will tell you this.  I'm no Brandon Sanderson or Neil Gaiman, so don't think I'm getting a big head.  But...maybe it's not so bad, right?  And, I totally recognize that I have a very limited audience.  But if even a few people like my story, well, then that's all good, right?

Now...editing.  Not for me, I just keep on writing.  I'm hoping to finish up this series by the end of the third book.

I'm a little afraid to end it, I love writing and I don't want to lapse.  I'm afraid I'd fall out of it if I went too long, you know?

Thursday, August 11, 2016

My hands are shaky and I don't feel right, again, my friend. I'm just waiting on a wild sun.


At some point, if a lot of people seem to think that the problem lies with you...what point do you have to concede to that, even if you only partially believe it.  I mean, sometimes I totally agree.  Most things are somehow my fault, just for being around.  My being there influences things or something.  Like, things are better if I'm not there.  But sometimes, well, I think that it's not me but everyone else that is crazy.

Is it that hard to be around me?  My boss made a joke about how I seem to be not on speaking terms with a lot of people around work lately.

I find it hard to be around me, but I can't change that.  I can limit my exposure to others, I suppose.

Man, this post is a bummer.  It's good no one really reads this, I'd hate to be the person to bring you down.  Because I have it on good authority that I am indeed that person.

I don't know how to change the me that bothers others.  I don't know how to be a person to make everyone happy.  I try hard, but it doesn't happen.  I know I can't make everyone happy, but I try still.
*Edit...How selfish of me, to think I can make people happy*

Something that bothered me the other day, Mexico was shaming one of its Olympians, a gymnast who doesn't look like a twig.  Fuck Mexico.  But, you know, Fuck America, too, because we are just as much horrible, hateful humans.

We also have nice people.  Like these firemen who saved a bunch of ducklings from dying a horrible death inside a storm drain on a highway.  Or the guy who does nice things for people for no reason, and people are left confused and worried about something bad happening because no one is nice anymore.

Thursday, August 4, 2016

It's all mine, and your woman, too...probably NSFW or anywhere else, either.

So...I wrote my first m/f scene the other day, and I think it came out really well.  It was harder to do, I think, because I was really worried about messing it up.

One of the things I noticed in writing it...there are a ton of words for male genitalia that are sexy or hot or whatever.  There are a million that are gross or degrading, too, don't get me wrong.  But there are a lot of ways to say 'penis' without repeating yourself. Cock, member, manhood, hard on, shaft, rod, even dick if used correctly.  Boner...not so much.  No one wants to read about your main character's raging boner when you call it that.  They definitely want to read about your main character's boner, though.

Not so much variety with female parts.  Let's start with the top part.  Breasts.  That's fine.  Boobs?  That sounds puerile.  Tits? Even more so.  Mammories?  Too technical? get my drift. Sweater puppies?  Gah.

Lower parts are even worse.  Using the correct terminology was the easiest.  Vagina, vulva, clitoris, labia.  Or, what about pussy, cunt, ham wallet, cum dumpster, it just gets worse.  Pussy isn't so bad but it seems to imply something dirty, which if you aren't writing a 'dirty' piece, seems a bit harsh.

Better yet, what a lot of erotica writers seem to do is refer to the shape, color and location, insinuating that you are talking about lady parts without saying those clinical terms or using the 'vulgar' ones either.  Core, folds, pink intimacy, soft opening, yadda yadda with words that flirt.  Maybe I just don't have the vocabulary for it, but I have read a whole lot of smut in my time.

I'm open to suggestions.