Saturday, April 13, 2013

The party is just me in the corner

I am in a bad mood for no reason today.  I have no idea why.  I mean, both kids (kinda) slept in til 7:30 and that is a freaking miracle in itself.  I got my hair cut and highlighted yesterday but...I don't like it.  I don't know.  Ry told me it looks good.  I don't know why I don't like it.  I wish I had gotten it more colored than I did.  It's also...kinda poofy.  I hope that once I wash out the styling product it calms down a bit.  She was giving me a "no maintenance" kind of hair cut....I hope that it really is.  I feel like I look silly.

Oh, and also I hate how long my primadonna husband takes in the bathroom every single time.  It's like he needs a half hour of prep time before his bathroom necessities begin.  It drives me crazy because I can't even  pee without at least one kid hanging on me but he gets four or five bathroom respites a day.  And he gets to shower without any kids during the day.  If I try to take a shower in the day at least everyone is there to get a  matinee performance in my tiny ass bathroom. And they leave the door wide open to let all of the nice warm residual shower air out.  That's why I have to shower at night, after the kids go to bed.  Cause I don't want an audience.  If I wanted an audience while I was in the shower then I would be doing it in the "Champagne room" and getting paid a lot more for it than I do at my current job.

I wanted to have left for the store already at this point but I'm still waiting on the bathroom primadonna to get out of there and get some clothes on.  Ahh......the lamentations of a parent.  I miss the days where I didn't have to do anything except wonder what I was going to do with all of my free time on the weekends.  I need to spend one day in a multiverse where I didn't have kids. I would come back but....just one day to see what life would have been like.  Maybe I'd come back and totally be thankful for my kids and life and feel great to wake up in the middle of the night all the time and have my son tell me that all the food that I cook tastes like the worst food he has ever eaten.  Or...maybe I'd hang out there and enjoy being an adult child for a while longer....

Monday, April 8, 2013

I crashed my car into the bridge and sat and watched it burn


First rant of the day is...why are there all of these "no kids" weddings of late?  And no kid receptions.  Why do you even other inviting me?  You have alienated half of my family.  I understand that you might be thinking "oh, what a great opportunity for you to get a baby sitter and come hang out with adults" and what I am thinking is "I have to find a sitter and hopefully it's someone who won't let my heathens burn down my house.  And then I'll spend the whole night worrying if they are burning the house down or if Asher has trampled his sister into the ground or if Seiry bit the babysitter (or the cat). Oh, and I can't ask my usual sitter because she is 73 and just spend the whole day watching them.  F@*%$"

Why aren't my kids invited to your wedding?  Are they second class citizens?  Oh well.  I really like to go to weddings but...without my kids, it's probably a no go.  I get it but....if you want me and other parents to come..oh wait, maybe you don't know any other parents.  Well, just wait till you have kids and people ask you to come to their "adults only" events and then what?  Even if I do get a sitter, Seiry is currently super Mommy-centric right now and she holds grudges (meaning she won't sleep that night and is a horrible human being the whole next day to pay you back for going out for one night).  So, that's awesome, too. Just're day will come.  And you will be reading my blog and saying, oh man, she is such a soothsayer, she really does know what she's talking about and I totally relate to everything she says.  Best blog ever.

Oh wait, you won't be saying that, because it's 99% not true.   But that 1%, man you will really connect with.

I totally had another reason to write a blog today but after Asher just trampled his sister and is now prodding her with a little stick I really can't focus on much of anything.


Friday, April 5, 2013

Light em' up-up-up, I'm on fire

So, we are fighting a losing battle with Seiry and her sleep habits.  She is a night owl, just like most of the bratty 9 month olds out there.  For some reason, kids start sleeping through the night normally at about 7-8 months old.  Then, all of a sudden, they are assholes and decide that their night isn't complete unless they are keeping everyone they love up for two hours in the wee hours of the dark sleepy time. 

Well, last night we took a stand. And 40 sobbying, snotty, screaming, lonely minutes later...she was asleep.  We were frazzled and stressed but she slept like the proverbial baby (what a misnomer, no baby sleeps "like a baby"  or if that does mean that, I'm pretty sure that sleeping like a baby means that you absoluely refuse to sleep unless you are being held and you will scream bloody murder if you don't get your way).  By the way, none of this pics are mine, obviously.  Thank you for commiserating, internets.