Monday, February 28, 2011

Let this be our little secret, no one needs to know we're feeling

So...I had like three things I wanted to write about and now I can only think of two of them.

The first is this...I got into a debate with a Canadian truck driver yesterday over the validity of the US government for the entire tenure of Obama's presidency.  Basically, he's a Birther, isn't that what's it call when you want to personally hold Obama's birth certificate in your hands?  He told me that Obama is going to have a hard time getting re-elected if he can't show proof.  Personally, I don't see how it makes a difference at this point. It's been 3 years.  For real.  Even if he doesn't have one and did spring from the soil of Kenya a full blooded Muslim, well even then he has already been president for 3 years.  What are we going to do about it now? 

Well, the Canadian truck driver, I didn't get his name so we will just call him...Canada for short, he told me that if Obama didn't find his birth certificate for the next election it would prove that he is an evil Muslim Terrorist born in the dreaded hot desert sands of Kenya (they have lions) and he would go to jail.  For imitating an American.  How dare he.  Really. Oh, and that they would repeal any and all legislation that has happened in the last 3 years.  All of it.  Cause it was all done by Obama personally. Cause that's how we roll in the good US of A.

I tried to argue the point that we are not a dictatorial or even monarchy style government and that the House and the Senate actually pass most of the legislation and that Obama is just part of it, not the whole or even the driving force behind much of the legislation that makes its way through congress.  Also, the republicans hold the power right now anyway so they can deter Obama's zany madcap schemes all they want anyway.  And it's just silly to repeal every law that was passed in the last 3 years.  Just plain silly.  You know, I just found out that if you mistype plain you can have palin.  So I almost said it was just Palin silly, which also is appropriate.  I think it synonymous or something, right? 

He tried to argue my point but he just kept sounding crazier and I think he realized it, so then he said, don't you have some work to be doing so I can finish unloading this Sodium Hypochlorite or something?

I'm pretty sure that means I win.  Right?  I won?  I never win so I have a hard time knowing when I do, it's such a foreign experience for me. It was a morning full of shock, because who would expect I would be debating American politics with a Birther Republican Canadian at 7:45 am on a Sunday morning.  I honestly didn't even know that Birther Republican Canadians existed.  And, now that I'm thinking on it, why does he even care?  He's Canadian.  Isn't it like a colder version of paradise up there or something? 

The other thing I remember that I wanted to tell you is that the thunder this morning was crazy loud and long and rumbly.  I thought Asher might wake up afraid but I was the only one up.  Weird. 

Sunday, February 27, 2011

In the first days of the spring time

So, sunday morning radio sucks.  Badly.  It's all talk.  And boring talk.  Not interesting talk or even news but boring people droning on about nothing. 

Kind of like this blog.

So, how do I know this?  My FM modulator broke, thus rendering me incapable to listen to anything but the radio on my way to work.  Gonna have to make an emergency run to the store today. 

Ry pulled the "i can only deal with you in this context three weeks out of the month" on me the other day.  Yup.  He went there.  I did not really even get mad at him, though.  Because it's true.  And I can't deal with me very well on that fourth week, either.  Isn't that sad?  Maybe I'm unclean and I need to go lock myself in seclusion for a week.  Do you think that's included in my medical plan?

Friday, February 25, 2011

You know the one, Dr. Everything's gonna feel alright?

I was just reading some of my old blog posts, the really early ones which were short and just brief snapshots of my thoughts at the time.  I got really wordy as they go on and on.  We are aiming for brevity today.

I'm trying to think of something interesting to do for my 300th post, which is coming up here soon (this is 297).  I have nothing so far.  Was thinking about doing a montage but I'm not sure how to do a blog montage.  Any suggestions? MONTAGE!!!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Cold Beauty, Ice Storm Photos from Ohio

Pictures following the ice storm in February of 2011,
East Branch Reservoir, Claridion Township, Ohio.

I know there's a big world out there like the one I saw on the screen

So, not really sure why, but I was pretty depressed yesterday.  I'm working off a pretty depressed headache today.  Or maybe just a small sinus infection.  Could be that, too. 

Tried some hard cider, Lolo Romy, that Dave suggested (and brought over, thanks Dave!) last night.  It was soo good.  I'm looking forward to having more.  I think Ann might like it, too, so I'm going to try to get some out to her when we fly out there again.  Some British guy who relocated to Cleveland just to make us awesome hard cider.  Ry and The Shig hated it.  More for me.

I need to get a move on for flights to New York.  I just can't seem to get things together, it doesn't help when Ry takes the laptop.  It's a pain in the ass shop for things on the TV computer.  So, that will be the goal this weekend.  On top of everything else I have to do.  Lots to do this weekend and I have to work on Friday. 

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

A morning like any other morning

Last night went really well.  I'm glad we reconnected.  We talked for a long time and she is doing really well.  She's so strong, I'm really impressed and proud of her.  I know that sounds stupid but, it is what it is, right?, might have been reading my boss wrong or maybe he's just really bad at explaining what he is trying to say but...I think I got a promotion yesterday without the pay.  I mean, I'm being trained for a promotion until the position is permitted through the city HR department and then I get the real promotion.   But due to city finances, that could be more than a year away.  I don't want to go into it right now, I'm not sure of all the details anyway, but, yea (I think?)

Ry is going out of town for the entire week starting on Monday morning.  It's gonna be a tough week...

I wanna go dancing. 

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

But in the years past since I saw you last you haven't moved an inch

So, I  had a nice dinner with my father for his birthday last night.  We took him to Roadhouse (after much deliberation, he wanted to go to Cracker Barrel and then to Rockney's.  I told him you only turn 55 once so you'd better eat steak) and we had a really nice time.  The weather here totally turned to garbage again last night and the roads were trecherous, the nice thing about that is that we had the whole back room of the restaraunt to ourselves.  So when Asher got bored of sitting in the high chair we could let him run around a little bit.  My brother and Martin came, too, so that was nice.  Overall, a good evening with my dad, which is nice because, well, if you read my blog you probably know already.

Asher is cutting his 3 year molars I think, he keeps waking  up at 5:30 am or so and he's been chewing on fingers again.  He won't let me look in his mouth but I thought I saw one of them crowning in the back when he was tantruming yesterday. 

So, I reconnected with an old friend last night.  It didn't exactly go the way I had planned it.  So...I might have posted on her facebook asking how her pregnancy was going, you know, just to start a conversation.  In a private message she responded that she lost the baby.  Wow.  I feel like an inconsiderate a-hole of the highest degree.  I know I didn't know but still, I feel horrible.  If it were me, I think I wouldn't need constant reminders of it.  She had to deliver her dead child.  I can't think of many things worse than that.  I just can't.  I couldn't sleep last night, I just kept thinking on it.  And feeling bad.  And checking on Asher.  You know, it gets me a little paranoid.  I wanted to talk to someone but I didn't even know who to call or what I would say.  I am just deeply upset by it. 

I'm having coffee with her tonight, so hopefully that goes better and I don't make it worse. 

Monday, February 21, 2011

We'll end up numb from playing video games

A post on my day off?  I know, it's amazing.  But I am getting paid for today, so I figured the least I could do was post a quick little blog for those of you still working or who really like to read the nonsense I write down everyday.
So, if you read my facebook you already know I dug through a bag filled with viscera yesterday.  I blame the TV show Castle with Nathan Fillian and Stana Katic.  I love it.  We have been watching it after we put Bear to bed every night since Ryan is sick and doesn't want to do anything but lay on the couch, with how the weather has been I have no objections.  But, you know, they see weird murders all the time, so...

Anyway, I'm driving down the road in the outskirts of Middlefield when I spot a garbage bag with ribs sticking out tucked back behind a pile of dead grass on property owned by my employers.  So, I push it into reverse and turn around to check out this bag. 

Normally I'm used to seeing dead deer carcasses from when the snow first flies to when the tulips are up (hunters just seem to think that public property is the best place to drop their left over trophy kills) but usually they are not skinned and tied up in a garbage bag, so I figured I'd better check it out.  I try to scope it from the car after I scare all the crows away just can't be done.  I have to get out and check.  So I get out and spot a nice stick for poking and tearing holes in the garbage bag and I grab it.  Right out of a pile of horse manure I didn't see was there.  Good start, right?  I thought so. 

So, taking the non-poopy end of the stick I start trying to tear through the garbage bag to see more than just slightly exposed skinned ribs.  It's hard work to do with a poopy stick, the garbage bag is a really good quality one.  Anyway.. eventually I uncover that this body is cut into all sorts of large pieces.  There's the pelvic bone, there's some parts of ribs, there's some guts. It is very hard to tell what kind of animal it is when it's all cut apart like that.  And then frozen together.  In a large garbage bag ball shape.  Oh, and it still stunk to high heavens, even though it was frozen.  Thank goodness it wasn't warmer I guess. 

Anyway, the crows were getting agitated that I stole their all you can eat buffet from them and I was kind of tired of poking random body parts with a stick so I decided I'd take one more go at looking for hooves or a skull or something that would symbolize it as 'non-human' so I could just leave and stop poking dead things with sticks.  

I might have seen a hoof.  Or something.  I think the point here is that I DIDN'T see any hands or fingers or toes or anything like that.  Or skin, or hair.  And the ribs were pretty big, so if it was a human then I'm sorry dead guy, a: for thinking you were a deer, b: for poking around at your dead body with a poopy stick, c: for the fact you are dead and d: cause you must have been a big boy.  These ribs were pretty big.  But, in retrospect, I have never seen human ribs without skin over them....

Dave asked me if there were serial killers on the loose in Amish Country.  I told him there were hundreds, if you are a deer.  It sounds kind of dumb now that I'm repeating it but it seemed amusing to me when it happened.  I guess you had to be there. 

Sunday, February 20, 2011

I'm a horrible dancer, I ain't gonna lie

Good early sunday morning. 

Lots of things...had a great time at Steve's wedding on Friday Night.  Me and Asher and JJ danced up a storm.  Strangely enough, no one else danced...hmm..does that mean we were such awesome dancers other people were intimidated by our mad skillz or does it mean we were so bad people were afraid to be seen with us?  I'm guessing the latter.  But it was so much fun.  We danced for two hours!  It was amusing, some older ladies came out briefly to dance to Get Low, that was weird. 

Ry is sick and whiny and helpless, so yesterday I got to take care of two babies all day. I need some adult interaction.... job...well, my job...pretty much on Thursday the Plant Superintendent pretty much told me something along these lines: "um, yeah, so thanks for doing all that work for the EPA, that was really super of you, but now that it's done we don't really think it's important for you to keep it up and yeah, what do you do around here, because we can't figure it out, you don't seem to be very useful but we aren't going to allow you work on other projects because you aren't [insert class pet names here, we have a few] so you probably aren't smart enough to do anything else, you know, wiht you being a woman and all."

Okay, I made up some of that because I'm upset.  I do feel like the industry I work in is dominated by men who don't think women can do this job (or do it as well as a man could) and often don't even consider me for projects or other things going on.  Also, my boss did pretty much tell me that he doesn't think all the work that I did for the Watershed Control Plan was really that important (now that I'm done).  The EPA seems to think differently but who are they?  Not my bosses, I know that much. 

I don't really want another job, I like my job.  Except for the lack of respect, the ridiculously low pay for the responsibilty of work I do, and the whole 'in trouble for stupid shit every other day' balogna.  So, I guess I don't really love my job.  I hate to go from job to job all the time, too.  I just want someplace I can feel that I'm making a difference and doing a good job and using my intellegence (what little there is of it) for improving the lives of others.  That's all I ever wanted from my job, that's why I went into the sciences and why I work in Public Service. 

Oh, in other news related to my job (sorry this is long today..jeez, I just can't shut up), the EPA loves my report, apparently there was a big meeting on Friday about it with what my EPA contact called "Top Managment" who were interested in reviewing it.  I haven't even submitted it formally yet, this was just an informal review.  So, that's good news.  Maybe they'd hire me?  Doubtful, I've tried before.  About 100 times.  I guess there's always 101. 

I'm in love with this song right's going on my zombie mix, too, for  the party.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

The path into this heart is littered with corpses and strewn with body parts

I'm so tired today.  I feel like I just kept working through my sleep last night, cleaning and cooking.  I woke up exhasted. 

Work is pleasant as usual.  You may insert sarcasm anywhere in this post you deem accurate. 

I'm really not up for this today.  Here's some music.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Strawberry Marshmallow Filled Cupcakes Forever

So, an actual recipe from me.  I guess not so much a recipe but telling you how Jen and I made a low dairy delicious filled cupcake masterpiece last night. 

We started out planning on making this recipe from Giada for strawberry and mascarpone filled cupcakes.  I couldn't find Mascarpone at the super Walmart, though, and didn't have time to search all over the place. I did end up buying sliced frozen strawberries.  And marshmallow creme, for this recipe which was a back up plan, marshmallow creme filling for cupcakes. know me...I forgot to buy shortening. 

So, we had cupcakes made and were one ingredient short of creating either masterpiece.  So, what did we do, you might wonder?  We improvised. 

We do this a lot, and usually it does not always turn out well for us.  Until last night.  When we rocked the house hardcore.  Here's what we did to make the  yummiest filled cupcakes ever.  (Okay, maybe not ever but they are pretty awesome if I do say so myself)

Ingredients: 8 oz of sliced strawberries (frozen or fresh)
                    2 tbs sugar
                    1 jar of marshmallow creme

It's so simple I can't believe no one has done this before.  (I did look but I didn't find anything like this...)  All we did was cook the strawberries in a pan (about 8 oz) on medium-low heat for about 10 min with 2 tablespoons of sugar, stirring regularly.  Basically like you are making jam.  Then, remove from heat and while the strawberry mixture is all hot and gooey, you mash it with a hand masher until it's a pretty consistent texture.  It still needs to be warm (but not necessarily hot), add the marshmallow creme a little at a time and mix it until the whole jar is mixed evenly into the strawberries. 

Next you put it into a piping bag and start filling cupcakes by pushing the tip of the bag into the cupcake and squeezing until the stuff comes out the top.  We also spread a little of the filling around on the top, too, instead of using a frosting.  We figured frosting would make these gems too sweet. 

Don't they just look delicious? Cause they are. And usually I am always disappointed with what we cook. But these were sooo good!

As a side note, I also made homemade guacamole last night, too. Soooooo good. Last night was a good night for cooking for me. So good.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011 for what you've done...Come on, say you're sorry.

I had a blog typed out today.  Then deleted it, said there was more than one entity editing my posts.  I don't know how this is possible seeing as how I'm a lone blogger on this site but...  They told me to hit the back button to fix it.  It was gone.  All of it. 

So, this is your post.  Cause I don't have time to do it all again.  You'll never know if it was a genius comedic effort (it wasn't) or if reading it would have changed your whole outlook on life (it wouldn't have) or if it would have made your day better (maybe?).  You do know that now you have this piece of crap post.  Sorry about that.  Hopefully it doesn't ruin your day, don't let these kinds of things get you down.  

Here's a cool fencing video. I'm posting it on my facebook, too. 

Monday, February 14, 2011

Wonderful recipe, if by "peas" you meant "mayonnaise".

A friend of mine recently posted a link to this recipe by Paula Deen for "English Peas" on her facebook page.  After studying the recipe and reading about 4 of the 24 pages of comments I reposted due to it's high standard of quality.  I was directed in the comments to other culinary goldmines such as these two beauties by Rachel Ray, Pineapple Wedges and Late Night Bacon.

It makes me wonder at the level of culinary schooling one needs to write these recipes.  I assume that these are not written by our celebrity chefs, I hope they have more self respect than that. But maybe not.  I don't think it's too much to assume that most people have the basic cooking skills to open a can of peas or microwave bacon by the time they are in high school.   And I mean everyone.  I don't think there exists a teenager (except for those who strictly follow their dietary restrictions and if you are one of those then hats of to you.  Well done) who hasn't desperately tried to make bacon in the microwave in the middle of the night.  And most college kids skip the pot and eat straight out of the can, but, we can assume that it's not because they don't know how to cook the contents of the can but due to sheer laziness. 

Now, I'll give her a break on the pineapple, the first time you try to cut one is always a challenge, and they just look weird.  Anyway...

I really liked the comments on these recipes.  I think my favorite one is from the English Peas recipe by Modhippie1_10920:
You people writing these reviews need to get a life! Don't you have anything better to do? Did anyone stop to think that there might actually be some little newleywed wife out there, far away from mother,family or friends to teach her-perhaps married to a military man where they got stationed away from home quickly-and Paula might've added a simple recipe like these "English Peas" to be helpful to someone like that? Your mothers really were right when they said "If you can't say anything, don't say anything at all."
So, yeah...I love how offended and slighted people get when other people tease a celebrity they love.  Really, Hippie?  Why do you care if people are making fun of a recipe describing how to butter up and cook a can of peas?  It's a recipe to COOK BUTTERED PEAS.  If you don't know how to open a can and put it in a pot with some butter you must either be a five year old kid or mentally disabled, either way you should not be allowed near hot cooking devices.  It's probably safer for you to stick with the late night bacon. 

And, let me point out what a pretentious recipe it is, seeing as how it's not even American Peas (Paula is supposed to be a good old southern girl...) but English Peas. English Peas?!  Where do you think we are, Paula?  What makes English Peas so much more canned than American peas?  Are American peas no good enough for you?  It's people like you who are sending our jobs overseas.  Our good honest pea farming and canning jobs, straight over to the imperialistic Brits! How dare you. 

But I digress.  I also enjoyed the posts by MARN, DESTROYER OF WORLDS.  MARN had posted on all three of these recipes describing the difficulties of cooking even these simple dishes on a GALACTIC BATTLECRUISER:




So, I thought I'd give it a try and create my own celebrity recipe despite the fact that I don't have any celebrity status (despite the uproar my hair has caused at work) and that I am totally unqualified to write recipes (although it obviously looks like I'm more than qualified by these recipes). 

Cleveland Style Nutty-Jam Finger Sandwiches
Cook time: 5 min     Difficulty: easy    Yield: 2 servings


-2 slices of white bread (approx 48 grams)
-4 oz Strawberry Jam
-3 oz of Peanut Butter, chunky style


Lay out both slices of bread.  Using a butter knife spread the strawberry jam on one slice of bread and the peanut butter on the other slice of bread.  Combine slices of bread with spread sides facing each other.  Cut sandwich half and then cut those halves in half again.  Crust may be removed if preferred. 

Variations on recipe: replace strawberry jam with grape or raspberry or current jam if you are feeling adventurous.  Replace either jam or peanut butter with bananas or other fruit if desired.  Replace chunky peanut butter with smooth variety.  Replace white bread with bread of your choice (rye is not recommended). 

Check back again for Pan Fried Buttered Bread and Cheese Dippers with Cream of Tomato Soup.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

This little piggy is in the market

I had a really good weekend.  It feels good to say that, too. 

Unfortunatly my hair has already faded a pretty good deal, oh well I suppose.  It was bound to happen, my hair isn't very porous.  I guess it needs to be to keep this semi-permanent dye in.  I think I'm gonna buy some orange color next, it's a little more natural so they won't freak as much as work but it will still look cool.

I'm pretty excited, too, because I decided to ask a friend of mine (who is a pretty awesome artist even if he hasn't done much art that I know of lately) to design my tattoo for me.  I kinda ditched the bamboo idea.  I mean, it is pretty but...I think it's cool to have something designed with me in mind.  So, I'm excited to see what he comes up with. 

Anyway...I'm a major slacker today.  It's so hard to be motivated on Sundays.  Really, I know I say it pretty much every week, you know. 

Thursday, February 10, 2011

God damn right it's a beautiful day.

Got my hair did yesterday, don't I look pretty.  Ry sang Punk Rock Girl to me and now it's stuck in my head.  It was probably my first time getting my hair done in a salon since I got married.  And that was probably my first time ever.  It was expensive but fun.  I got my hair done by Lindsey at Skullz Salon in kent.  I really like my hair now.  Hopefully I can keep it looking pretty.  I got some swank new dresses in the mail, too.  Now I just need it to be warmer so I can be a true punk rock girl without all the layers. 

Got in trouble at work today.  Like that's news.  Oh well.  Anyway, I did have something else I was going to say but I forget now.  I'll write it later if I remember.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Spinning round and round and round

So....I can finally say it!  I finished Athena's Cleveland Book.  It took a long time and a lot of effort and it's something I can say that I did, from start to finish, the whole way through.  I finished it and I think it's pretty good.  I have my doubts about it being great, but Ry and Jen told me that it's really good so I'll take their word for it.  You know me and my low self esteem when it comes to things like that. 

Anyway, I have been dying to post that it was done for like a week and a half now but I couldn't until it was received in the mail, I didn't want to ruin the surprise for anyone.  I made scans of all the pages so that we could read it to Asher as well, he loves it, too.  I really should make something for him, too.  Maybe I will.  It's just so time consuming. But, it was pretty fun.  We will see.  I was actually thinking about making a huge photo album for him with all of his relatives and friends in it, he really likes looking at pictures. 

So... in an unrelated side's a pic that Dave photoshopped with Martin from the video from yesterday.  I have to say I think it's pretty funny and true. 

Hmm..what else.  We went to One Red Door last night with JJ. It was fun and Asher was surprisingly well behaved even if he did pee his pants all over the place.  There, I said it, what bad parents we are.  We had massive diaper leak.  At least it was only pee.  Anyway, we took care of it and it was all good.  I wasn't too impressed with my food, I got pan seared Arctic Char with bok choy.  I don't really like boiled bok choy I decided.  Everyone else really liked theirs, from what I could tell, so it was only me.  Ashers was the best, he got macaroni and cheese with beef brisket.  So good.  The mac and cheese had little mint leaves in it, weird but tasty.  And they smothered the whole thing with home made ketchup.  Yum!

After we came home last night, though, my stomach was upset with me, so I don't think it sat too well with me. 

Well, that's enough for now, I think...

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Farewell to all that bound me, it is over

Hmm...I'm having guilt issues again.  I wish my family didn't demand my guilt on a regular basis.  I'm trying really hard not to feel guilty about this kind of stuff but I just can't help it sometimes, I've been trained from an early age to take the guilt over other people's issues and problems. You have to admit, I'm pretty darn good at it, too.  I guess everyone is good at something.   

I've got pretty much nothing else that doesn't sound petty and whiny, and so I'll spare you the details on that.  I think I need some sunshine and no snow soon, it's making me constantly tired and occasionally depressed and self pitying.  I think some outside time without 3 feet of snow with an ice crust to make walking in impossible (trust me, I know this for a fact after a 1 hour hike through the woods with an Amish guy yesterday) would be a nice change.  

I'm thinking about going to get a spa treatment or something but I'm a little nervous, I don't really know what goes into a spa treatment and I wish I had a girlfriend here who would want to go with me, it'd be more fun with two, right?  Like a girls bonding day?  I don't know.  Anyway, have a great day, would ya? 

Oh, by the way, the Closure video (from Dommin) just came out recently, check it out below.  If you watch and pause it at 3:09 you will see an angry Martin standing dead center.  I made him go, and of course you can't see me standing to the right of him, I'm too damn short.  But, he went (because Birthday Massacre was the headline and who wouldn't want to see them?) and got to be in their video.  Damn his luck.  Oh well, still a good song and good video (not my favorite by them but still good). 

Monday, February 7, 2011

I never fight to see if coming clean would get to me

I'm thinking about sharing a story with you today.  Something from my childhood.  Might be boring, sorry if it is.

So, it was one of my dad's weekends to have us over.  We were driving some piece of shit car, if I remember it correctly it was an old cop car, a Crown Victoria (when we got it it still had the wire between the front and back seats and the back doors didn't have door handles on the insides), and it overheated and barely made it to my Aunt's house in Cleveland.  She lived in a pretty bad neighborhood at that time, I remember a vacant lot behind her house filled with trash, broken bottles and needles.  It was awesome.  Don't get me wrong, this is probably my favorite aunt we are talking about, she was just not in a great place at that time.  Where she lives now is a pretty nice neighborhood. 

Oh, and I should preface this and say that my brother was probably four years old so that would make me about ten years old. 

Anyway, we get to my aunt's house and hang out for a bit.  Then it's time for my dad to get us home to my mom's house before the visitation curfew.  He had tried half-assedly to fix our car but it wouldn't start at all.  So, my aunt's husband at the time let us borrow his old Lincoln Towncar.  Oh, did I mention we had our half breed german shepard Bear with  us at the time, too? Big old dog.  So, yes, we borrow my Uncle's Lincoln Towncar with soft velvety seats and power windows.  This was a time when power windows were a luxury.  At first I was so excited.

I think I failied to mention so far here, too, that my dad had been drinking non-stop for pretty much years before this.  At this point in my life my dad was very depressed an undiagnosed (like currently) and had pretty much replaced all food and water with Gennesse beer.  So...yeah, just keep that in mind for the car ride home. 

My dad gets on the highway and he decides that it's a great time for me to learn how to drive a car.  I'm going to need to know how to do it one day, he reasons with me, why not start today? 

Now, I've always been a goodie-goodie and I've always been afraid to break the rules.  (this is after my early childhood foray into breaking into cars and stealing stuff out of them with the neighborhood gang and after getting kidnapped once and almost getting kidnapped a second more scary time).  So, I adamently argue with my father and he is swerving all over the road.  I decide that the floor of the back seat is the best place to hide from my dad and his horrible driving, sure we are all going to die in a horribly fire explosion style 85 mile per hour luxury version death machine.  He yells at me for a good five minutes and then remembers my brother is in the car. 

"Michael, you're a man, right?  A bigger man than your sister?" my father taunted me with, "come here, daddy will teach you how to drive.  Since you aren't tall enough I'll work the breaks and gas for you."  My brother was too young to know the consequences.  He thought it was great fun, and I'm sure it was for him.  I was so scared and upset, curled into a ball on the floor mats in the back behind the passenger seat, that I thought I would throw up.  It also didn't help that a four year old drives a car like a freaking pinball machine with a broken tilt sensor.  I seriously thought I was going to die.  I don't know how we didn't get pulled over. 

Finally we get to Streetsboro and we go to McDonald's for dinner.  Unfortunatly for us, the Cheech and Chong radio bit about going through the drive thru was just on 97.5, my dad's favorite radio station, and he thought it would be hilarious to pull the radio prank on the McDonald's Drivethru.  You know the one.  (I tried to find it on youtube but I suck and don't know what it's called specifically, I could only find inaccurate spoofs that weren't even funny.)

Anyway, my dad pretends that he can't understand what the guy in the speaker is saying (you can understand him fine but the point was he was doing the cheech and chong skit where the box is just fuzzy and they keep having to repeat the order, 'cheeseburger, onion rings, large orange drink' over and over again.  Well, the kid at the drive thru eventually has enough and tells my dad to pull forward after arguing with him that McDonald's does not serve onion rings and that they don't have orange pop, will a Coke suffice or does he want sprite?  We pull up to the window and the kid has given us 8 orders of everything, 8 cheeseburgers, 8 large fries and 8 large pops in various flavors.  And my dad, the jackass he was, still pretends he can't understand what the kid is saying, hands him a $20 and drives off.

He throws a cheeseburger on the seat next to me, for good measure.

Yeah.  This is one of the reasons I didn't even have a sip of alcohol until my wedding.   

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Ah, bang bang bang, beautiful and dirty rich

I really don't have much today.  You got a post from me yesterday.  A freebie. 

I've got a sense of peace with the world today. I'm not sure if it's because I'm pretty tired and I'm moving in a slow motion dream sequence this  morning, if it's from the two pieces of Boston Market cornbread I had for breakfast or if it's just because everything is right and well in the world.  Maybe a combination of all of the above?  Oh, and some early morning Postal Service (I know my blog title is lady gaga, not The Postal Service, but it was in my head when I started typing).  I guess that's how to be at peace with the world.  Or something. 

I'm planning the Pirate vs Ninja party.  It's in my mind.  I want to do it, and soon. I'm feeling a bit tired of snow and cold and I want to do something fun outside.  I was thinking about building/hijacking (in the true nature of the pirate I secretly am) a boat to turn into an awesome pirate ship for my party.  I have plans for the future, I guess they're futuristic plans.  It's gonna rock.  I just need to pick a date.  Maybe the beginning of May?  May Day?  Hahaha, apparently a sense of peace is kind of giving me free reign with bad puns and stupidity.  Oh well.  I need to get to work.  Well, I should get to work.  Maybe I will.  It's just so cold outside. 

I guess the sample isn't gonna get itself.  Not today.  Not ever.  Lone Ranger, signing off.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

I know there's better brothers but you're the only one that's mine

So, i had this dream this morning after Bear woke up but before I got up to get him out of bed and it just proves my subconscious thinks I'm a bad mother.

So, apparently I work at the Streetsboro Walmart and I'm way late to work.  I run in, clock in and run a register for about an hour when I realize that I NEED to go out to my car for some reason, but I don't remember why.  I tell my boss (who was this kid I went to high school with but never worked for) that I need to take my break and he lets me.  I run outside (I've been working for like an hour and a half by this point) and get to my car which was parked in the way back of the parking lot.  I find Bear sitting in the driver's seat.  He unbuckled himself out of the car seat and climbed into the driver's seat where he loves to be.  He smiles really big at me which makes me feel even worse as a mother for forgetting my child in the car and him forgiving me, being HAPPY to see the horrible mother who left her child in the car in the winter for a long time.  So I freak out and open the door and he's panting like a dog.  I realize that he was gonna suffocate in the car because I am such a bad mother.  

So, I get in the car and I don't even strap him into his car seat, I just drive with him on my lap and cry because I feel so horrible.  I drive to my uncle Donald's house which is close by and Ry and my dad and my brother are all there.  Ry tells me that I am a horrible mother but not the worst, at least I remembered in time unlike that dad who killed his baby by leaving her in the car all day long at work in California.  Yup, that made me feel better.  Oh, wait, it didn't help at all.  Oh, someone had called social services on me, too, so I got a phone call from someone telling me not to run, that they were coming to take my child because "only a horrible mother would leave her child in the car in the winter so she could go make minimum wage" I believe was the exact quote from the social worker on my phone.  Oh, and the kicker?  I lost my job, too.  Cause I'm awesome. 

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Staring at the Situation

I have to work a double today.  Joy.  16 hours of good old AWS.  And it's freezing out.  And I mean, freezing.  Like, so cold your nose hairs freeze.  That cold. I'm so cold.  And only 15.5 hours of freezing left to do!  Yup. 

Can you tell I'm pretty motivated to do my job today?  Yup, pretty motivated. 

So, I had to go get lab samples this morn because they are shorthanded.  Let me just tell you about getting water samples in, oh , wait, let me check the temperature right now, it's 9 degrees F.  So, you can wear gloves, right?  The samples are raw water that is below freezing point but hasn't frozen yet because we keep it moving.  Moving water doesn't freeze as fast or ever if you can keep it moving.  That's the key.  Anyway.  So, if you wear gloves they will get wet (wet means cold, red, broken fingers).  If you wear rubber gloves (medical or the big black dish washing looking like gloves even) over your gloves it feels as if you have no gloves on at all, even though your gloves stay dry  you fingers still end up cold red and broken.  You can wear the big puffy super insulated gloves but then you can't feel what you're doing and you spill the sample all over your clothes, which is by far much worse.  So, you end up with bright red painful fingers for half an hour after you have collected your samples.  I need to find better gloves.  Such is my life.  I can't wait for 40 degree days again. 

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Now we can swim every day in November

So, yeah, sorry about yesterday's lazy post.  I just didn't have anything to really talk about or anything and I was kinda mind dead from moving and arranging data for a new project I'm working on.  That kind of work is really mind numbing, for sure. 

Not that I have much more to talk about today.  The half inch of ice in my driveway this morning was nice.  Gonna play Dnd tonight, that will be fun.  Also, probably gonna go for margaritas and $1 tacos from Marcelitas around the block from my house.  How can you say no to $1 tacos? Just try.  Espceially since they aren't from Taco Bell.  I can say no to 99 cent tacos all day long.  Except when I'm craving those disgustingly greasy-yummy excuses for Mexican cuisine. 

I have a headache that I got yesterday afternoon that won't go away.  I think it's waiting for me to make it the 'morning after breakfast' but I just want it to go away and so we are in that weird awkward (boy, that is a weird word, isn't it?  awkward?  weird) standoff where we both just stand in the kitchen and look at everything other than each other and wait hopefully that the other will just give up first.  It's a standoff. I'm hoping I will win, I have a secret weapon, two ibuprofen that I ingested when the headache wasn't looking.  Ha! 

We will see who's laughing last.