Wonderful recipe, if by "peas" you meant "mayonnaise".

A friend of mine recently posted a link to this recipe by Paula Deen for "English Peas" on her facebook page.  After studying the recipe and reading about 4 of the 24 pages of comments I reposted due to it's high standard of quality.  I was directed in the comments to other culinary goldmines such as these two beauties by Rachel Ray, Pineapple Wedges and Late Night Bacon.

It makes me wonder at the level of culinary schooling one needs to write these recipes.  I assume that these are not written by our celebrity chefs, I hope they have more self respect than that. But maybe not.  I don't think it's too much to assume that most people have the basic cooking skills to open a can of peas or microwave bacon by the time they are in high school.   And I mean everyone.  I don't think there exists a teenager (except for those who strictly follow their dietary restrictions and if you are one of those then hats of to you.  Well done) who hasn't desperately tried to make bacon in the microwave in the middle of the night.  And most college kids skip the pot and eat straight out of the can, but, we can assume that it's not because they don't know how to cook the contents of the can but due to sheer laziness. 

Now, I'll give her a break on the pineapple, the first time you try to cut one is always a challenge, and they just look weird.  Anyway...

I really liked the comments on these recipes.  I think my favorite one is from the English Peas recipe by Modhippie1_10920:

You people writing these reviews need to get a life! Don't you have anything better to do? Did anyone stop to think that there might actually be some little newleywed wife out there, far away from mother,family or friends to teach her-perhaps married to a military man where they got stationed away from home quickly-and Paula might've added a simple recipe like these "English Peas" to be helpful to someone like that? Your mothers really were right when they said "If you can't say anything, don't say anything at all."

So, yeah...I love how offended and slighted people get when other people tease a celebrity they love.  Really, Hippie?  Why do you care if people are making fun of a recipe describing how to butter up and cook a can of peas?  It's a recipe to COOK BUTTERED PEAS.  If you don't know how to open a can and put it in a pot with some butter you must either be a five year old kid or mentally disabled, either way you should not be allowed near hot cooking devices.  It's probably safer for you to stick with the late night bacon. 

And, let me point out what a pretentious recipe it is, seeing as how it's not even American Peas (Paula is supposed to be a good old southern girl...) but English Peas. English Peas?!  Where do you think we are, Paula?  What makes English Peas so much more canned than American peas?  Are American peas no good enough for you?  It's people like you who are sending our jobs overseas.  Our good honest pea farming and canning jobs, straight over to the imperialistic Brits! How dare you. 

But I digress.  I also enjoyed the posts by MARN, DESTROYER OF WORLDS.  MARN had posted on all three of these recipes describing the difficulties of cooking even these simple dishes on a GALACTIC BATTLECRUISER:

I AM MARN, THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS. ALL SHALL TREMBLE IN MY PRESENCE.

PAULA, I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS:

DO I ADD THE BUTTER BEFORE OR AFTER I INSERT THE CANNED PEAS INTO THE VENTOBULATION MACHINE?

HOW MUCH CHEESE DO I ADD? WHY ISN'T THERE ANY CHEESE?

LASTLY, USUALLY WHEN I PUT SOMETHING IN A CAN AND DRAIN IT, IT IS A POLITICAL PRISONER FROM JARNAXX. I DO NOT EAT IT. YOU'RE TELLING ME TO EAT IT? ARE PEAS LIKE JARNAXXIAN POLITICAL SOLDIERS?

So, I thought I'd give it a try and create my own celebrity recipe despite the fact that I don't have any celebrity status (despite the uproar my hair has caused at work) and that I am totally unqualified to write recipes (although it obviously looks like I'm more than qualified by these recipes). 

Cleveland Style Nutty-Jam Finger Sandwiches
Cook time: 5 min     Difficulty: easy    Yield: 2 servings

Ingredients:

-2 slices of white bread (approx 48 grams)
-4 oz Strawberry Jam
-3 oz of Peanut Butter, chunky style

Directions:

Lay out both slices of bread.  Using a butter knife spread the strawberry jam on one slice of bread and the peanut butter on the other slice of bread.  Combine slices of bread with spread sides facing each other.  Cut sandwich half and then cut those halves in half again.  Crust may be removed if preferred. 

Variations on recipe: replace strawberry jam with grape or raspberry or current jam if you are feeling adventurous.  Replace either jam or peanut butter with bananas or other fruit if desired.  Replace chunky peanut butter with smooth variety.  Replace white bread with bread of your choice (rye is not recommended). 

Check back again for Pan Fried Buttered Bread and Cheese Dippers with Cream of Tomato Soup.