Monday, May 23, 2016

But it's half as much as it was before

There is something to be said about just being responsible for yourself.  I just escaped for two days, just me and the old man, no kids, no work, just us and island time.  And bicycles.

Did I mention Island time?

Kelley's Island.  It was wonderful for two days.  We biked the whole island more than once.  Made us wish that we could bike our neighborhood to get places.  Made us real sad that our neighborhood is not bike friendly for living.

Things we did:  had no kids.  So...anything we wanted, pretty much. Which consisted mostly of riding bikes around the island and eating food.  No complaints.  And feel like real people.

I love my kids, but it is just nice to love my husband and love myself every now and again.  It didn't even matter that it was overcast, cold and sometimes rainy.  It was wonderful.  This may be a 'duh' statement but my element is water.  Obviously, I hear you snicker, of course it is, we all knew that.  But, I truly feel so much calmer when I'm surrounded by water.  It's a good fun fact to know.

I had more I wanted to write.  But...I just got off of the water conference circuit, and back from a major mental reset.  I'm pretty blank. And I have one more day of vacation left, part of the back home stay-cation. I'll leave you with a half-ass written blog and some pretty pictures.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

We never checked the price tag, when the cost comes in it's gonna be high

There's a song by Matt and Kim where they wonder what they might have been.  What they could have become.

I wonder that a lot lately.  I don't regret where I am in my life.  But I wonder, what if...what if I went to Japan when I wanted to, to teach english?  What if I stayed in education and taught high school biology?  What if i had stayed in college and gotten my PhD and became a professor.  What if I had joined the army and not backed out last minute? What if ....

Somehow, I still thing I might have ended up where I am.  Sometimes I think that is the truth of the matter.  But I don't know that I believe in a force more than just me.  Lots of music influencing me tonight apparently but I am who you say I am.  Yeah, I know I used Eminem in the last blog, too.  I'm apparently lazy.  I mean, there are already three different song references, Sleater-kinney , Matt and Kim and Eminem.  What more do you want from me?

I feel old. I know I have time and I'm young enough to still do stuff, change my life and all that, it just seems so hard.  It's not supposed to be easy. that's why it feels fucking so good.  (See, now we are up to four song references, awolnation, you're welcome).  Or that's what I'm told.  Does anyone ever really know what they want to be when they grow up?

Apparently I want to write smutty m/m vampire novels when I grow up.

The computer screen is bright and I'm sitting in the dark in my bedroom.  I keep seeing shit out of the corner of my eyes and it distracts me.  Enough so that I just wrote it.  And you read it.  Who's worse?

Sometimes I wish I would just shut up.  I hear myself talking and internally I'm just like, jesus christ, why doesn't anyone just tell me to shut up?  I feel like I am almost completely the most annoying person on the planet.  Sometimes.  I need to work on being fluent in another language.  At least if I'm unable to stop talking, as happens occasionally, you wouldn't know what stupid shit I was unable to stop myself from saying.

Once, in high school, i took a bet from a teacher of mine, that I couldn't go a week without talking.  I'm so annoying.  That annoying.  I won that bet but it wasn't worth it in the long run.  I got grounded because my mom was so annoyed with me at home, and I got in trouble in school when I used a small hand held chalk board for 'class participation'.  Some people just can't win.  And I just can't shut up.