Tuesday, May 10, 2011

And if you lose the devil gets your soul

So my brother told me yesterday that my father is an adult and can drink if he wants to drink.  I'm glad that it doesn't affect him like it does me.  I wish I could just say the same that he thinks, that we are all responsible adults who can take care of themselves.  It is presumptuous of me to say that I know better when it comes to my dad?  I wonder if my brother is cool with it because he was younger when it was bad and had me there to help out or if it's just his nature.  Maybe a little of both.  Sometimes I envy my brother.  I wonder if the reciprocal is ever true. 


  1. You totally have better boobs then your brother, so score one for J GLOW!

  2. My brother is way different about my dad's drinking than I am, too. We didn't go through the same things you guys did, but we still don't have the same opinion on it.

    MK came from a similar situation and her older sister and younger sister are different in opinion than she is, too.

    I definitely think it has to do with age, and that he's a dude. And that you were there saving him from the repercussions.

    Just because he has a different opinion on the matter doesn't mean that either of your opinions is wrong. Don't let his nonchalance get to you. Perhaps be proud of yourself that you know you made his life so good that he doesn't even realize how bad it was.

    He does have a point, tho. Dad's not going to stop for you, or Asher or Joyce or Jesus or even Dale Earnhardt. The only thing you can control is your reaction to his drinking. Take care of yourself and let him take care of himself however he sees fit.

  3. This is the second time I'm posting...My first post was way better. Gah!
    I agree with JJ. I also think that you should think long and hard about Asher's exposure to his alcoholism, grandpa or not. I have made the decision to not expose my Athena to her biological grandpa in FL. He has had 40 years of practice of fathering to still come up with constant let downs. Blood relative or no blood relative, I will not have Athena develop this false sense of obligation as I have with my father. She owes him nothing. As for you, do you really want Asher exposed to the facade of alcohol being this thing to make people more personable? It's only out of the ignorance a child has that your brother feels this way about your dad. Only you were mature enough to fathom the detrimental effects that alcohol has on a family. I do not envy your brother. I envy my brothers for being able to totally disconnect themselves from my father's life. I still have this sense of obligation or false hope due to the fact that I was too young to witness or process some of the messed up things my father did. My brothers were. Thankfully, obligation only requires me to call him on birthdays and Christmas to keep my guilt down. Our relationship is strained, at best.
    When it comes down to it, father or no father, Mama bear has to protect her cub. I'm not going to expose Athena to all the disappointments that may or may not be, no matter how "reborn christian" my father is. You should seriously reconsider your relationship with your father. I know he is a short car ride away, as opposed to me that mine is in FL clear across the country. So it is easier said than done. I know that you will most likely feel guilty, but think of it as a way of protecting Asher. You know what your father is capable of when he's drunk. Would you want a repeat of any of your father's drunken mishaps to happen around Asher? Getting off of soapbox. Just something to think about. I know I'm pretty hypocritical myself, but one thing is for certain, when Athena is mature enough, she can make the decision whether she wants to have a relationship with him or not. Until then, I'm protecting her.
    He's an adult. Let him take care of himself, while you take care of your family.