Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Behind a desk in a high rise filing cabinet in the sky

I'm feeling very wishy-washy about life right now. I don't like feeling unproductive and useless at work but I like the freedom I have.  I wish I had more to do and more important work to do, yet I also like the looseness of my job.  I want to do something that makes a difference but I also don't want to be responsible for some things.   Same with things in my life.  I like to read and listen to audiobooks all the time but I end up listening to fluff or smut or both at the same time.  I do read other books as well, but mostly Sci-fi and fantasy.  I like reading all of those topics, though, but I also feel that I should be spending my time doing something more intelligent. And, I do listen to podcasts, that's where I get all my useless info.  But it's not enough, I think.

I feel dumber, I really do, I think it's a combination of both the reading and the job stuff.  Like, I'm not stretching my mental muscles or something.  I look at some of my friends who I consider really smart and I just feel, well, insufficient to even be their friends.  Like I don't contribute enough to the friendship because I'm not on the same level as they are. I know this is just low self esteem talking but I really do think about these kinds of things lately. 

I also don't feel that I'm smart enough to participate on google+.  To me, it feels as if all of the people on Google+ are having these sophisticated conversations and posts about real things and I'm just posting dumb stuff.  So then, I'm intimidated to post at all. Part of it is that it seems so much more mature and adult (not in the pervy way) than facebook, which just seems juvenile even on the best of days, and religious fanatic on the worst of days.  And since it's in the beta stages still it's limited to who's on there.  I feel like I joined Google+ for all the fly bitches but they are all too fly for me.  I don't know, that sounded better in my head. I mean, I had it worked out better in my head but it just didn't translate well to the paper.  Well, the digital paper. 

Anyway, enough of that emotional shit.  I promise a new CSA blog soon, having problems getting pics from my phone to the blog.  And, haunted house list should be finalized this week.  Isn't that exciting?  I know I'm excited.  Hit me up if there's any haunted houses you definitely need to go to this year so I can put it on the list. 

Have a wonderful day, internets.


  1. I have some books for you that have left me in an inquisitive state that will probably last for quite a while. Being Good by Simon Blackburn, Driving with Plato and Breakfast with Socrates by Robert Rowland Smith are a few philosophically inclined books. If You Can Read This by Jack Bowen is about the philosophy of bumper stickers. And naturally I have books on religion and atheism. Got some good Carl Sagan too. Star Talk Radio is Neil deGrasse Tyson's podcast and Skeptics Guide to the Universe is a cool science podcast. They are always fun and give me enlightenment about our world. Let me know if you want more suggestions. By the way, you're smart. :)

  2. Thanks! I'll def check that out your suggestions, hopefully the library has audiobooks, it's the easiest way for me to get reading done. And thanks for saying I'm smart.