Monday, May 21, 2012

You starve and near exhaust me, everything I've done I've done for you

Asher has hit his "terrible twos" just in time to turn three.  Everything is a battle. 
"Asher, let's go to the park"
"No, I'm not ready yet" 
"But you want to go to the park"
"NOOOOOO!!!! I SAI D I'M NOT ready!
"When will you be ready?" 
"Later, mama, jeez...just go away, okay?  Wait, where are you going?  Don't go away!  DON'T GO AWAY!"
Everything is uphill.  It's so stressful.  He literally spent more than an hour fighting us and more than half an hour (not all at once) in time out just over a nap.  Which he didn't ever take.  It wasn't worth the battle anymore, you know?  After you spend an hour and a half fighting with him you are both tired and sad and depressed and it's just time for something else.  I went shopping.  Asher "drove" daddy's car.  I needed a break.  And then, I got into a nice conversation with my mother-in-law who pretty much just spent the time berating my parenting skills and decisions.  So, that helped me get less depressed.  You know, words of encouragement about how much better everyone else is at parenting than I am.  That totally would make me feel great, I mean it did.  I really have a lot to work towards.  Like learning not to answer my phone when any of my parents call me. 
I'm pretty sure my new nickname for asher is "whine-ocerous", it was very appropriate this weekend. 
He dumped a ton of bath water on me yesterday because he didn't want to be washed.  He did it three times, the third time he soaked me intentionally, the first two times he was just throwing a fit.  Without really thinking I flicked the water off of my hands at him, which of course were covered in Cetaphil...which is not tear-free...and of course I got it into his eyes.  And then he cried, and Ry came in and made me feel guilty (not intentionally) and I wanted to cry and it sucked.  I sucked it up, though, and finished the bath and washed the soap out of my child's eyes.  It was just too much of a stressful weekend.  And of course, I had to end it on a horrible parenting move of getting soap into my child's eyes in a knee-jerk reaction.  Still, it's not an excuse for what I did.  I feel really bad about it. 
And, the nightmares are horrible, too.  We spent all last night comforting him due to his scary dreams of the "zappy thing in daddy's car".  When I asked Ry about it, ry told me he stopped Asher from putting a penny into the cigarette lighter the other day, he said he didn't really make a big deal about it. terrified Asher all night long.  So, only a little sleep for us. 
It's been a tough weekend.  I hope we get this out of the way before Seiry is born.  I doubt it, though.  I have to be realistic. 
I'm not ready for my birthday, either.  :(
I guess I'm just not happy about anything right now.  Sorry. 


  1. :( I honestly thought you handled the Asher fit pretty well. I was telling Martin how good of a parent you were. I could NEVER keep as calm as you were. It's tough to deal with something you can't actually control. Kids will be kids I guess. Just keep your head up! You nor Ryan are bad parents. Trust me, I know bad parenting! Hopefully this stage ends soon for you.

  2. Yeah your kid is happy and healthy. You spend a lot of time with him even though you work. He gets a lot of love and is a VERY good kid (when not wigging out!) I wouldn't worry too much about what other people say about how you raise him - You're doing the best you can and it looks great from here.

    Then again I'm not a parent so fuck me, right? ;)