You just take my breath away, I don't know what else to say

My boss from my first over-the-table job recognized me in my car, from his car, at the bank yesterday.  He rolled his window down and asked me if I had ever worked for him.  I recognized him and I told him that I did.  He made fun of my hair and told me he still had the restaurants.  It was weird.

But...he remembered me after, I did the math, 17 years. First, I'm old.  Second, that's a long time to remember some random high school student who worked for you for a few years.  I didn't even have the style of hair he made fun of at the time.  I must have made an impression? I tend to do that.  I hope it was good.

Thanks to everyone who was really nice about me finishing a book.  I was really stressed to even post it on here, or publicize that I wrote one.  Afraid of criticism.  That's me. I need to find a forum or something on line where I can post it and get some stranger feedback now.  I wonder....

Anyway.  I can't blame my kids.  I'm the reason we can't have nice things.

Love & peace, y'all.

Till there was little feeling, please work with what is left

Yo.  What's up.  You know what I did?  I wrote a whole book.  I did.  It took me six months of some writing here and some writing there.  But I finished it.  The whole thing.

But...now what?  I have no idea.  I'd like some other people to read it but I'm afraid to know what they think.

Also, it will have a pretty limited audience.  It's m/m urban romance.  I made dude who sleeps next to me read it.  He said he likes it, but he loves me, so he would say that, wouldn't he?

But..I think it's pretty good, and I hate myself on good days.  So, that has to mean something, right?  (Actually, I don't hate myself anymore.  Not really.  But...I'm still pretty not awesome.  Just, not hating.  Little teeny tiny baby steps.  Maybe I won't sound like the rest of the internet by the time the internet is in our brain stems or something.)

But you know what?  I wrote a freaking book.  23 chapters.  Isn't that crazy?  It seems like it to me.  Also, I'm three chapters deep into the second book.  Which is weird because the first one isn't really a book, just twenty three chapters sitting on my google drive.

But...fuck.  I did something.  I finished something.

Maybe I'm not listening

All it takes lately is just one small thing to send me tail-spinning into being super not happy. I saw an article today about how the rest of the nation thinks Americans are clinically narcissistic.  Too bad we can't balance each other out, you know?

Not doing so great at writing a penny rap.  Doing okay writing other stuff but I wish I had hours to dedicate to doing so.  It's really hard to do with only a snippit of time here and there.

I am looking forward to being done with the holidays.  I'm pretty sure if you go back and look at my old blogs I say exactly the same thing.  But, seriously.  I need it done. I'm so tired of just about everything right now.

Gonna fake some smiles and get some stuff done!  Yeah!  Fake it till you make it?

Sorta hoping that you'd stay

Trying to write a penny rap.  Trying to write this short story that is in my head.  Sitting at the computer and I have spent an hour somehow making absolutely no progress whatsoever. What the fuck.  Feeling so much and not much at all today.  Went for a hike in the woods today at work.  Wrong woods, with the right idea.  So, I'll try again tomorrow.  I need to take some stuff with me next time.  I feel really good in the woods.  I should have been a lumberjack.

I took a walk

So, children at home and children at work.  Do they know how hard I work for them?  Probably not.  I shouldn't bring it up, be modest.  I'm just so tired.  This year is over and I'm not sure where it went my life moves so fast.  It's mad crazy.

Anyway.  I'm looking for ways to slow down.  But, if you tell me to take deep breaths, you can shove it.

I go punch! kick! bite! fight!

Wow.  Like a year and a half since I wrote last.  I missed not one but two whole Halloween seasons to write, but unfortunately I only went to a handful and didn't have much to say, except I got to shoot zombies in the head with a pretty realistic looking semi-automatic rifle.  That was most excellent. I would have given it like all of the skull heads I used to use or something.  Whatever that was.

Basically, my job changed right around when I last posted and...well, no more free time ever.  Straight up.  Also, I started a podcast with a friend, and if you didn't know that, you could check it out here.  We are one person internationally famous in Norway.  So, I did some of my dumb talking there.  Also, if you didn't know, I also do some raps, though they are not Die Antwoord good, check them out, too.

Why did I decide to write again?  I want to create another blog where I'm going to write a smutty vampire story or something.  So, I figured I'd tie it to this blog and something?  I don't know.  I know this isn't exactly well read, so I'm pretty sure I won't die of shame as I write some smutty stuff.  If you are related to me, I promise will tell you where never to click as i continue to write the stories.

Thanks for reading and....peace out girl scout.

The link to my new blog for writing, and I promise  I have only posted old stuff I was writing before so far....

Treating people just like pawns in chess

So I binge read a bunch of urban fantasy (re-read a bunch, only read one new one) over the course of the weekend as a kind of super de-stresser.  This is my favorite life detox genre and I won't defend myself to you or anyone else (I won't).

Things I have noticed about urban fantasy novels (queue my urban fantasy rant in 3...2...1): 

1. There are an awfully lot of people who need killing.  Vampire and otherwise. Really, a whole lot.  Like, seriously.  So freaking many people who need killing. 

2. The main characters  always start out kinda pathetic and then get pretty overpoweringly bad-ass by the third book.  

3. Near constant power ups. (Most of them due to sexy times or blood or both).  It ends up feeling like you have to have a massive power up for each book or you didn't fulfill your urban fantasy requirements and the book has to be called something else. . 

4. Sexy times.  I'm not discrediting the sexytimes...I really like them...but seriously...so many sexytimes that sometimes these sexytimes get a little...overplayed (queue Anita Blake) to the point where you almost groan out loud that there are more sexytimes than plot progression. Like some readers of playboy (or so I've heard), I am in it for the stories and the sexytimes.  It's a combo deal for me. 

5. Did I mention so many people who need to be killed?  I'm not really sure why there are so many hard feelings in the supernatural community. And to the deah?  It's a good thing that there are so many people in these communities or our main characters wouldn't have the vampire and werewolf equivalents of ensigns to kill off on a pretty much non-stop basis. 

6. Oh the undying (that was a pun) love.  They are so in love.  Maybe not at first.  And you can guess it's always gonna be with the person the really don't like or that rubs them the wrong way in the beginning of the book.  That can be so annoying because it ends up feeling like a formula (is there a secret formula?) and it makes every book feel like every other book.   Also, there is a lot of this vibe in these books, too, the whole "I'm so fragile when I'm with  you, please come save me, but I'll kill this other vampire with my silver high heeled shoe for looking at me with the wrong gleam in his eyes"  I really don't like the wishy-washiness that happens occasionally.  I understand these women are allowed to have emotions and stuff but it all feels very cliche.  

7. Misogyny.  So much misogyny. 

8.  Sappy love and unrealistic love.  Sometimes, and I'm not saying this is true for all of these books but it happens a lot....but these people have unrealistic relationships and love lives.  Absurdly so. 

9.  So much drama.  These people, I don't know how they don't all just have mental breakdowns.  Because seriously, if any of these were my lives....I don't think I could cope with it after a while.  I mean, there's only so many vampires and weres and witches and renfields I could kill before I just couldn't go on.
10. Where does all the blood go?  These vamps drink so much blood and almost every novel makes sure to point out that vampires don't need bathrooms but where does all of this blood go? I know that that is not a critical point but I was thinking about it and...where does it all go?  

I'm sure there's more to my list.  I'll update it or something.  Hell, I haven't even re-read/proof read this post.  Cause I don't have time for that malarky!