Monday, April 28, 2014

Treating people just like pawns in chess

So I binge read a bunch of urban fantasy (re-read a bunch, only read one new one) over the course of the weekend as a kind of super de-stresser.  This is my favorite life detox genre and I won't defend myself to you or anyone else (I won't).

Things I have noticed about urban fantasy novels (queue my urban fantasy rant in 3...2...1): 
1. There are an awfully lot of people who need killing.  Vampire and otherwise. Really, a whole lot.  Like, seriously.  So freaking many people who need killing. 
2. The main characters  always start out kinda pathetic and then get pretty overpoweringly bad-ass by the third book.  
3. Near constant power ups. (Most of them due to sexy times or blood or both).  It ends up feeling like you have to have a massive power up for each book or you didn't fulfill your urban fantasy requirements and the book has to be called something else. . 
4. Sexy times.  I'm not discrediting the sexytimes...I really like them...but many sexytimes that sometimes these sexytimes get a little...overplayed (queue Anita Blake) to the point where you almost groan out loud that there are more sexytimes than plot progression. Like some readers of playboy (or so I've heard), I am in it for the stories and the sexytimes.  It's a combo deal for me. 
5. Did I mention so many people who need to be killed?  I'm not really sure why there are so many hard feelings in the supernatural community. And to the deah?  It's a good thing that there are so many people in these communities or our main characters wouldn't have the vampire and werewolf equivalents of ensigns to kill off on a pretty much non-stop basis. 
6. Oh the undying (that was a pun) love.  They are so in love.  Maybe not at first.  And you can guess it's always gonna be with the person the really don't like or that rubs them the wrong way in the beginning of the book.  That can be so annoying because it ends up feeling like a formula (is there a secret formula?) and it makes every book feel like every other book.   Also, there is a lot of this vibe in these books, too, the whole "I'm so fragile when I'm with  you, please come save me, but I'll kill this other vampire with my silver high heeled shoe for looking at me with the wrong gleam in his eyes"  I really don't like the wishy-washiness that happens occasionally.  I understand these women are allowed to have emotions and stuff but it all feels very cliche.  
7. Misogyny.  So much misogyny. 
8.  Sappy love and unrealistic love.  Sometimes, and I'm not saying this is true for all of these books but it happens a lot....but these people have unrealistic relationships and love lives.  Absurdly so. 
9.  So much drama.  These people, I don't know how they don't all just have mental breakdowns.  Because seriously, if any of these were my lives....I don't think I could cope with it after a while.  I mean, there's only so many vampires and weres and witches and renfields I could kill before I just couldn't go on.
10. Where does all the blood go?  These vamps drink so much blood and almost every novel makes sure to point out that vampires don't need bathrooms but where does all of this blood go? I know that that is not a critical point but I was thinking about it and...where does it all go?  

I'm sure there's more to my list.  I'll update it or something.  Hell, I haven't even re-read/proof read this post.  Cause I don't have time for that malarky!  


  1. So exactly what is an urban fantasy novel? for example

    1. Urban fantasy mainly compromises romance novels set in a very similar alternate reality where vampires, weres, witches, other stuff like that is real. For example:, , etc...