And the people were shouting my name

Sucessful party yesterday, even after I destroyed the cake (totally on accident) on the way home from picking it up.  I've learned my lesson.  I also cried about it on my way home.  And at home.  But it was delicious and Asher absolutely loved it so who cares, right?  I bought his Yo Gabba Gabba tickets today for his birthday but the show isn't until September so he will probably be like, omg, another present for me because I'm awesome.  Which is he is so it's okay.  I'll try to get other pics on here, I'm having problems getting them emailed to myself from my phone for some reason.

Asher was so happy when everyone sang happy birthday to him, I asked ry to video it but he didn't, he only took pics, I'm not sure why.

My little boy is two!  :)

come down and waste away with me

My insomnia tastes like cloves and dissatisfaction with my job. The park is empty today, but it's a nice day. I'll be walking anyway.

The beginning of a joke or the quick summary of my boating incident: one ranger, one PhD candidate, one grad student and one undergrad all go out in a boat? you decide.

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Yesterday's brush with death.

Now, I had promised myself yesterday after these events all went down that I would write a blog about how I could have almost died yesterday while doing mundane errands after work.  I promised myself I would think about it and write the story in a super witty and clever way, make it incredibly interesting and nifty. 

I hate it when I break promises to myself.  After it happened I finished my chores, went home and tried to calm down all the extra adrenaline in my system and then went about the normal routine of my life with cooking and care giving a two year old and watching some Game of Thrones with the Davis family.  Not giving thought to how to make this event seem important and cool.  If only I had the sarcastic prose of J. Morrison, Google aficionado.  Or the elegant flow that JJ possesses.  Instead, I write like a vocabulary deficient 13 year old girl telling you how, like, super awesome it is that, like, I'm still alive and, seriously, OMG, you totally won't believe a word but it's seriously like super true and stuff. 

So, without further ado...I need to go make photo copies for work so just hold that thought a moment, will you?

Sorry, that took longer than I thought, although to you it just took one sentence. 

So, after work yesterday I had to run some errands.  I needed to pick up some softener salt for our well water, so I drove a different way home so I could stop by this shop that sells the good salt for a halfway decent price.  I turn right into the parking lot from SR 14 in Streetsboro, turn off my car and am stepping outside when, for no reason I could figure out at all, the power line across the street snaps and jumps, breaking the power line on my side of the street, like 15-20 feet from where I'm standing.

The line falls across the street and the line on my side of the road falls across the entrance to the parking lot and catches on fire while arcing electricity.  It was so loud!  And when I say catches on fire, I mean that the whole line turned into a giant fireball and burned for like 10 seconds. 

While this is happening I run into the shop, it's just a little water shop so it's door is open (no air conditioning I'm assuming) where a pregnant woman and an older man are standing, staring at what is happening with jaw dropping awe.  I was freaking out a little, for if I had stayed at work ten seconds longer or driven behind a slow driver or something the line would have fallen right on my car.  As it was, if the line had decided to jump in my direction I might have been hit anyway. 

We all stand around in awe for like 20 seconds until the line starts to burn into a second fireball.  Then I say, "hey, maybe you guys should call 911?"  They both look at me like I'm stupid so I call it for them.  I just figured they'd have the address or something.  I found it, though.  So I call and tell and they are sending out a firetruck. 

Now, some dude from a business across the street comes out and acts all important, starts stopping traffic so that they don't run over the potentially live wire across the road, and starts directing traffic into the parking lot that I'm parked in, apparently not having seen that the second line fell and was still burning periodically.  So, I yell to him that the line is still hot and he stops, but not before some lady freaks the fuck out after I tell her to stop, the wire is live, but she guns it.  Like traveling over it more quickly will save her.  Lucky for her it didn't electrocute her or combust spontaneously while she drove over it. 

Eventually the wire fireballs itself into little pieces and it's safe for me to drive over (it disconnected from the live wire, which was still zapping and flailing against the power pole when I left) and I left.  The traffic on SR 14 was backed up for miles and miles already.  I felt bad for rush hour commuters yesterday. 

I feel like I should now be living life as if I was given a second chance but I really don't know what to change in my life.  How sad. 

Jarred baby food makes bad parents

So, a post on facebook this morning called me out as being a bad parent.  Because I fed my child jarred baby food instead of making my own.  I guess I bought into the whole consumer trap, you know?  So, you can just put me in line with however other millions of parents feed their baby pre-processed foods for the worst parent of the year award. 

The post started out innocently enough with "Now that I've had myself a handful of babies I just don't see the point in jarred baby food."  See, that isn't so bad.  It's just saying that she prefers to feed her child her own homemade baby food.  No biggie there, right?  Right.  Then it starts to get ugly.  23 comments of ugly to uglier.  I really hate this "better than you" parenting method that people employ anymore.  Especially natural home birthers.  They feel so pretentious and self righteous just because they skipped on modern medicine and an epidural.  And God forbid you ever gave your child formula.  God forbid.  You may as well just give your baby up for adoption now, because if not s/he will end up as a serial killer rapist baby killer one day.  Because you gave them formula. FORMULA!

I do understand why it's better to make your own baby food but honestly, I work a full time job.  Then I come home to a full time job.  I am often really busy and you know, sometimes it was just easier to pull out a jar of baby food and feed him.  And it was def easier for day care to do.  I'm sure I'm a horrible parent because I have my child in pampers instead of cloth diapers (which I did consider heavily), too.  And because he will be two next week and still isn't potty trained. 

Oh, and my stepmom told me that the news said that boys who drank soy formula (if you didn't know, Asher was lactose intolerant and when my milk started to dry at the end of the game I supplemented with formula, about half and half or so) would grow up to be gay.  So I fucked up there, too.  Who knew it was so easy to fuck up your child in so many ways in just two years while all the time you thought you were doing pretty OK?  It was horrible, she just told me and looked at me in the eyes with a sad, knowing look, like, 'oh, you poor thing destined to have a horrible GAY son.  I knew you shouldn't have given him soy formula, even if real formula mixed with your breastmilk made him poop blood.'  Something like that. 

By the way, I told her that if he was gay that I would love him twice as much as I already love him, which would be hard since I really love him as much as I can already, but I would do it extra hard if he were gay. 

Moral of the story, some of us just aren't cut out to be champion breeders.  Oh well.  Asher seems happy enough.  I think that's good.

If suburbia had a flag, it would have a picture of a culdusac.

Here are some pretty awesome ads from an old Batman comic from 1990.  Seriously, these ads are great.  Just read them.  I'll post more awesome old ads if I find them.  I have one for wireless nintendo controllers I want to post later.  I'm seriously gonna look into building my own laser from easy-to-get parts, and even if I don't like the directions from the patent, I'll get free safety regulation decals even if I'm not satisfied!  Score!

And Shark teeth.  I mean, you don't get much cooler than wearing your shark teeth bling around.  Makes you swift and powerful. 

With a plan like this, it's way to slow

look what I made in five minutes.  you can tell it was five minutes, right?  I can.  But I did it in microsoft paint so I wanna see you do better. 

Dream on, people, dream on

I'm gonna cut down on posting for a while to try to force myself to write something worthwhile to post on the internet.  I want to be more creative and I just find this blog becoming a dull and boring random arrangement of words to reflect my dull and boring yet occasionally random life.  So, I'll be back again when I have something interesting to say or when I can be creative.