Monday, November 14, 2016

Our eyes were like the sky

I feel as if the world has stayed sane and I've lost my mind.  If you are in the minority, perhaps you are wrong, right.  At work, politically, well, shit.

I'm so tired of stuff, of work, of our country, of people.  I've been having a hard time with the death of a friend, I'll feel fine, then shit really gets to me super easily and I break down really easily.  I don't know.  I don't want to blame it on that, like I'm using it as a crutch.  Maybe it's just me being me.  Being the selfish, needy kind of person I am.

Ran into a random mother over the weekend.  We bonded over the fact that our children make us want to be reclusive because going out is more punishment than staying in the jails we have made ourselves that we call home.

I dunno.  It's a dark place inside my head today.  I am feeling adrift and directionless.  The worst part, I know lots of people have it much worse than me and I should be thankful for the shit I have.  I'm horrible for even feeling like I do.  

That thought just makes it worse, makes me feel even more like a pathetic, whiny loser.  Some days I feel like an empty vessel that just fits whatever gets put inside, if it's what I'm supposed to be at work, or personally, or whatever.  I feel like a big lie sometimes.  I don't deserve emotions, I just ruin them.

Please don't worry about me, this will pass.

Don't mind me, just listening to metal, black as my mood.

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