I sold my faith but not my stereo

All the things that I have been thinking, oh, hey, that would be a great blog post...yeah, I never remember them when I finally get a chance to sit and write what's on my mind.  I generally just get depressed and crap when I get a chance to sit and write, which in itself is both depressing and pathetic.  So, I won't do it.

Haunted houses coming soon...a tentative list will be up sooner or later.

Also a Halloween party. The theme this year is vampire and hunter.  Should be fun.  I am open to drink/menu/decor suggestions.

I need to get out of this funk I've been in lately. Not sure what will help. Possibly a lobotomy.  I think that would help something but I'm not sure what.

I went shopping with a friend from work today to buy shoes.  Buying shoes is painful.  The shoes I bought apparently don't even have a large heel on them but they are fucking insanely uncomfortable.  Not as uncomfortable as other shoes I had tried on today.  The other reason it was painful was because I suck at being a woman and I have no self confidence.  I tried to make myself believe today that I belonged in these stores and that these shoes were totally me and I was owning the experience but that was not true.  I felt small and inconsequential and totally out of my element.  You know where I'm in my element?  In my house and in my watershed and that's about it.

 Bow ties, always classy.  Always.

I should not be afraid of fucking women's shoes, even if some of them have a freaking ridiculous heel.  It was like trying on Chinese Lotus shoes.  You know, I almost felt bad for men having to wear bow ties and regular ties and cummerbunds (cause that shit is funny) but after trying on these shoes and getting a preview of the agony I am going to feel on the night of my brother's upcoming wedding...you deserve neck ties.  The only real consolation was that I was shopping with a buddy.  Buddy system is the way to go, moral support and all.  Cause I probably would have broken down like a moronic little child and sat in the aisle and felt bad for myself after the first four pairs of shoes. Any more than that alone and I would have needed to have some type of anti-depressant intervention.  As it was...after the deed was done (shoes were purchased) I had some delicious and carbtastic Auntie Annie's anti-depressants.  

Yes, these are my weirdo feet.  In a pair of shoes made designed
by the woman who lovingly sings about her "lovely lady lumps"

My feet look stupid.  Other people's feet look okay but I think my feet look all rigid and vein-y and weird.  Kind of like something else...but I really don't think my feet look like that object.  Well, I know I just eluded to it but I was just typing out my thoughts.  Whatever!  Why are you still reading this.  Don't you have better stuff to do?  Like learn Latin or memorize every postal zip code or something more worthwhile than reading my blog?

ps...thanks for reading my blog.  It is nice to know someone at least cares enough about my vein-y pseudo-runner's feet to read to the end of this post.

Hudson, Ohio, sister city to Eerie Indiana

Oh, did I mention I ran another 5k?  With Ry, my friend from work and one of his lady friends.  One day I'll write all about my theory on how Hudson is like the city in the Stepford Wives... but not today.  Or ever maybe.  I have a theory, though.  Hudson is like Eerie Indiana, it's just too perfect at first glance...maybe I need to be doing some Marshall style investigations...

Cause lately I've been seeing things I cannot believe

Just a short post.  Lots of depression lately.  Not sure if it's just regular depression or if it's from me being over-reacty or something.  Feeling isolated and alone.  It's so weird, there are so many people around and they are all lonely.  I don't know how to meet people.  I wouldn't think I'm shy but I guess I am a bit.

I'm running my first 5k this saturday.  I'm not ready.  I don't think I ever will be.  I lost a lot of fat from running so I'm proud of how I look which is why I keep running, ...I've been running for the last 8 months, but I still only run about 2-2 1/2 miles before I am not good at the running anymore and decide to move on to the walking and then stretching (sometimes) and sitting (always) afterwards.  I need to be better.  But....I'm not.  Sorry, myself, that you are disappointed in me.  Or that I'm disappointed in you, but you is me.  You get it.

I'm gonna go shower.

Look how pretty she is when she falls down

So, lots of stuff has happened and I haven't had time to write.  I still don't really have time to write but I wanted to do it so I am.  Asher currently has pneumonia and I think I might have gotten it from him.  Or maybe just seasonal allergies that make my throat hurt and my lungs heavy and itchy.  I don't want to go to the doctor.  I always feel like I'm wasting their time, you know?  There are lots of other people who are much worse off than I am.  Anyway, it's obviously a self worth issue that I need to work on. 

So, we went to California a few weeks ago.  It was so nice.  I almost had to throw some punches at the airport due to rude ass bitches and "sequestration" (because we had to fly during the only week of sequestration...).  Cleveland Hopkins airport doesn't have a "family" security lane like most all other airports.  So we ended up waiting in a 2 1/2 hour security line, negating the 2 hours early arrived to the airport.  I asked for the family line and the TSA agent looked at me like I was some type of slime mold on his shoe.  I was sure we were going to miss our flight and I was freaking out a bit.  Asher and Seiry were out of their minds in line, which is why there is a line for families, so other people don't have to be subjected to your horrible monsters when they lose their shit.  Anyway, finally a hospitality guy at the airport grabs me gently by the shoulder and puts us in the "first class" security lane.  We bust through security and run the Lent of the airport all the way down to the gate where our United flight was getting ready to leave. 

Now, I bought a non stop flight with business class seats.  It was more expensive but Ry is tall and I was sitting with a baby on my lap.  I felt my sanity was worth the extra money.  The airline thought we were just throwing money around cause we are awesome.  Not the case.  We get to the gate, the airplane is fully loaded and almost leaving.  "Whoo....just in time" i thought to myself.  Then ryan's ticket beep-booped and the lady told him to go to the desk.  And that lady (who will will call Sassy Sally or SS from here on out) assigned him a seat 11 rows away from me and both kids in coach. 

Here's the dialog:
Me: that's not gonna work.  I paid for extra for these tickets and I am not sitting without you with our kids
Ry: What should I do?
Me: Make her fix it
Ry: We paid for business class
SS: Well, you should have gotten here sooner.  Someone else is in that seat now.

Here is about where my temper was eroded away by security, kids, airports in general, the impeding loss of our flight and one bitchy and unhelpful sassy sally.....

Me: No.  I am not getting on this plane until he is sitting next to me.  No one wants to sit next to me and two kids.  No one.  Believe me.  You are going to fix this.  It's your job.
SS: Do you want me to fix this (as rudely as someone can say this.  The snark level was through the roof:
Me: YES! I do!  (duh?)
Ry: And you can do it without all of the attitude, too. 

She pecked angrily at the keyboard for a while then says "I have to go move the person from their seat".  And I said, " you mean from our seats.  Thanks!"

Oh...the anger.  I was so angry.

Anyway.  Then our flight sat on the tarmac for 30 more minutes due to sequestration (planned waiting) which means that we would have missed our flights had we not been taken out of line by that nice hospitality guy and the plane would have still been there!  FUUUUUUUUU.

California was awesome, as usual.  Too short, though.  I miss the Cali crew bunches already. 

We had this weight loss thing at work, 16 weeks that started back in January.  Unfortunately, even though I ran and lost some weight and got into the best shape of my life (even better than beach body insanity times but only because I did beach body...)I still lost.  I only had 6% body fat loss.  So, sad for me.  But I'm now training to run a couple of 5Ks.  And I have a fitness coach and a nutrition coach.  So, good for me.  I need new goals so I keep running.  I haven't been running this week because my lungs are itchy but I'll pick it up soon. 

Anyway, really gotta go to work.  Later gaters.

You kiss your mother with those lips?

I have been experiencing a good deal of depression lately.  Which is surprising to most people because I am still mostly upbeat.  It's my natural defense, kind of like a skunk smells bad or possum playing dead to avoid being eaten by sharks or dinosaurs or whatever their natural predators are.  I kid, I know that their natural predators are cars.  Duh.  Everybody knows that.
So, I am upbeat and chipper, and then I am really down and I get really depressed alone.  Then I'm upbeat and chipper.  And then I'm sad again.  I guess I'm still hormonal (I bet you say that to all the girls) and sleep deprived (I thought babies slept all the time?  Who made up that bullshit? Cause I am an expert on children, obviously, because I have two of my own and that makes me a freaking expert.  I'm a professional!)  and other stuff, too.  I don't know.  I don't want to air it all out here, partially because you really don't give much of a fuck. I know this.  I won't hold it against you.  If I could, I would give no fucks about it as well.  I would give negative fucks.  Less fucks than 0.  Imaginary numbers worth of fucks.  I'm not sure I made a good analogy of that.  Sorry, like I said, sleep deprived. 

But not really too much.  It just seems like every time I get some good sleep then when it gets interrupted again it is almost worse than if I just kept on trucking with no sleep.  Why is that?  I also have the theory that the closer to just before my alarm goes off that you wake me up the worse it is for me.  You would figure it wouldn't be so bad with all that extra sleep behind me but I am the most pissed off at 5:15 when you wake me up... It's like a bell curve.  3 am...kinda sucks.  4 am....WTF.  5 am...aw, hell no.  5:15 am....unintelligible angry grumbling, so mad I can't even form words.  5:45 am...eh, I was waking up in fifteen minutes anyway.  6:25 am....oh my god, I love you so much for sleeping in. 

So yep.  This weekend is the sci fi marathon and I am super stressed out about it.  I want to go.  I don't want to go.  I really want to be there.  I am stressed about the amount of work it will take to get there, then the stress of wondering if my DD is ever going to stop crying for my aunt.  Then the stress of figuring out where I'm going to go to pump the milk out of my engorged cow at the fair teats.  And then the sleep deprivation, of course, even though we aren't even going for the whole thing (only 8 hours of it probably, so sad...). 

I'm sorry, I'm sure this just sounds like whining. 

I'm going to go buy running shoes.  Gonna start running at water supply.  And I give an imaginary number's worth of fucks about anyone who makes fun of me for running.