Call me third law because you know I say fuck the first two

That wonderful tidbit of lyricism is from my hubby who is a guest rapper on Killer Whale Party's new album which is coming out sometime next year.  Get your copy reserved today...

Anyway, I'm feeling a bit better lately, just super emotional and moody and tired.  Always cold and tired.  Only a little morning sickness each day, now.  There was a comment about why I don't use morning sickness remedies...well, some of them haven't really been working for me (horehound...which makes me sad because I love it so), peppermint has a very minimal effect and ginger makes me want to vomit even more.  So I've been trying to eat small snacks all day long and drink lots and lots, and that seems to be helping.  Also, I changed taking my vitamin from the morning with breakfast to right before bed, and that has helped tremendously. 

So, Asher was in the hospital for a respiratory infection.  I was feeling pretty guilty about the whole thing, Ry took him to the ER while I was working and then they checked him into the hospital, while I was working, and I felt really helpless and out of control.  I went and saw him right after work and stayed with him until he feel asleep, but they said only one parent may spend the night with a child so I went home (Ry and I both decided that it's best for me to save up as much of my sick time as possible for maternity leave next year) and ry spent the next day with him in the hospital while I went to work.  It was incredibly stressful and upsetting for me, especially with my super charged emotional state, and I have been feeling the residuals from it in the form of anxiety, exhaustion and listlessness. 

Asher is going to the Dr. today for a follow up check up. 

So, you know one thing I feel ripped off about?  Pregnant women are not allowed (or not supposed to) eat lunch meat.  Deli meat.  Because it could be dangerous to your fetus.  Listeria.  You know...think about this...it means that most all deli meats (and hot dogs) are contaminated with Listeria on a regular basis and it's okay for everyone else to eat them.  This should make some people question the food that they are fed that is considered "safe" for everyone else.  Maybe old people shouldn't eat deli meat, either.  Maybe the infirm?  I don't want to go on a tirade about deli meats and hot dogs, other than the fact that, Fuck you mr. deli meat maker.  Fuck you very much.

What's worse than constantly wanting to throw up all the time but not being able to throw up at all?

I'm not sure, but if you find something that is worse, let me know so I can dwell on how much worse it would be if that were how I felt every day for 6 or so hours.  I will not be doing this again, and if it had been this bad with Asher I think I would have considered not doing it again at all.  This is just peachy and awesome and, blahg.  I can't even bullshit myself at this point. See, I probably shouldn't be writing this early in the morning when Asher refused to let anyone sleep last night (I feel that he must have thought at one point:If I can't sleep no one can) on top of feeling like I would love to throw up and get it over with when I know that a: there will be no throwing up and b: even if there was, it wouldn't make it end.  I would just feel like this again and some more until I threw up or wished I could throw up again. 

Seriously, go hug your mother for going through this for you.  You had better.  She deserves more than that but it's a start. 

Finally back in my office.  Of sorts.  The cube walls haven't come in yet so it's just a big empty room with a bunch of desks in it so far but soon I will have my own slice of office again.  It's nice, I guess, and they expect me to be falling all over myself to congratulate them on what a great job they did in here but quite frankly, I am not impressed.  I would be more impressed if this hadn't taken 4 months of me not having anywhere to call a work station, if I had had warning about the demolition (they are currently demolishing a ladies bathroom that I don't use but other women who work here do use, and I was told they demanded management not pull another "jessica", so now my name is well known with unforcasted demolitions...joy), and if the whole thing wasn't just a gigantic kick in the face.  Half of my shit is still covered in this ridiculously sticky dust and half of my stuff is missing. 

But you know what?  I have just overreacted this whole episode.  Four months of overreaction.  You know.