Friday, May 31, 2013

Whoa, where did the party go?

This blog post was going to be all sorts of things.  It was going to talk about the trauma of breaking Rosie's finger in the car door and that whole drama, of hurting my knee, of the failure to be an independent woman with children.  All sorts of things.  I actually wrote a well thought out blog in my head on my drive home from work before I got the kids yesterday.  I thought it was good.  I have no idea what it said now, because my memory sucks in the worst kind of way, as all of you know.

I think this one is going to be random and touch on my depression (honestly, who isn't depressed?) and my general lack of stuff.  Not physical stuff, like most people we have lots of stuff.  Of stuff, like you know, the ability (or lack thereof) to manage all of my work load with the current small (but amazing) staff that I have.  The ability (or lack thereof) to manage my home life with my crazy (and awesome) family.  Of feeling isolated in a place where I have lots of friends and family.  I know that what happened the night I broke Rosie's finger was one of those weird situations where no one was around but it left me feeling isolated and alone and unimportant.  And I know that my family is now upset with me.  But I'm upset and I feel I have a right to be upset.  But...of course I don't.  Whatever.  I don't really want to air it all on the internet.  I just was putting it out there to explain my depression and isolation.  I especially feel isolated when ry is out of town.

At work....apparently I'm a spaz (suprise!) and I (what's the word for taking on too many projects at once?) am a task driver or something.  I wish I could not be so much of a spaz but it's me.  I am like that.  I also need to learn to just not say stuff.  I speak true, I speak what I feel but I also only say stuff that I don't think would hurt that persons's feelings because it's important to me that my actions are not the cause of someone else's hurt. I do sometimes (probably more often than I realize) say things that do hurt people, I'm just an inconsiderate jerk sometimes I guess.   I live like this in my personal life as well, which is the reason I have trouble communicating  sometimes.  I just can't come out and say things that need to be said because I know they will hurt the person's feelings.  So, one more reason I suck.  Also, I am easily frustrated, but I try to control myself.

Anyway, I have to get back to being a medium to fair parent and medium to fair watershed super.  And with this blog post that I am writing while taking care of childrens as well, well, I'm obviously well organized in my thoughts and stuff, too.


1 comment:

  1. Never ever stop speaking truth Ms. Jessi, I wouldn't want to know you any other way. Miss you & Ryan both & here come to find you have an Asher in your lives....who is Rosey & of course tis I being Ginger bein Ms. Nosey...I ran across your letter the other day, made me smile. We shoulda stayed in better long distance touch and by the way, "families still effinA suck...." Potty mouth still w/ an attitude to thrill & victory of looks that could kill..."peace, love & a crate load of dynamite. ---ginger