Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Cleveland Area haunted houses week 1 review

So, this past Friday we went to North Olmsted's Fear Experience and Elyria's Hauntville (in that order).  Originally we were going to go to North Olmsted and Hinckley but the Hinckley house is all outdoors and we are currently in our fall monsoon season so it was closed due to weather.  So, here is my personal review and opinion of the houses. 

The Fear Experience, Haunting a strip mall near you...

We had a groupon for this and got VIP tickets for the same price as regular tickets so we could have gone through the houses again for free as many times as we wanted (all except for martin who had to buy a regular ticket) and we wouldn't have to wait in line.  That would have been good later, but this early in the season we didn't have to wait in line anyway.  Oh well.  Still, it would have been nice.  This groupon we had to buy for a specific day and they were only offering them for the first few weekends anyway, so they had our number.  Honestly, we weren't even gonna go here, it was the groupon that saved us when Hinckley fell through. 

They also tried to upsell us on this ride where they put you in a hydraulic coffin and shake it around like you are being buried alive.  I passed on that, too.  Not a fan of being put in a box and shaken around. 

These houses were pretty good.  Nothing amazing but they weren't disappointing, either. The actors were okay, the makeup was good, the effects were normal haunted house fare.  I mean, nothing jumped out at me and said, hey, this is super duper cool or scary.  So, nothing left a major impression.  They were fun and amusing and that's all one can really ask for from a haunted house in a strip mall.  I mean, the ambiance is lost a little when the whole second house smells a little like the Chinese restaurant next door.

My overall score: 6 out of 10 mallrats.

Hauntville, stripmall spooks second set....

So, this one was a little harder to find, since the sign was small, unlit and located out in front of a strip mall just like it was a "vote for Hauntville for mayor" sign in the grass.  Lucky for us there was also a giant searchlight above it or we probably would have driven past it again the second time. 

Surprise!  This one is also in a strip mall, conveniently located next to Halloween City, just in case you needed to go get some fake blood to look adequately mangled after your housing experience. 
This was supposed to be three haunted houses but really it was just one house with three separate themes located inside.  We always had a guide show up at the entrance to the next area to tell us we were entering the next area.  The beginning of cell block 13 was interesting but then after the beginning it was all kind of just black hallways and a few rooms, and even fewer actors.  The second one, psycho manor, had a little more decorations and actors happening and the third "house" (if you can call it it's own house...) the dark abyss was kind of swampy but nothing spectacular.  I will tell you, I've been through the vagina tunnel (if you are a haunted house you know what I mean...it has nothing to do with an actual vagina nor does it look like one), they surprised me a bit with this one.  That's all I'm going to say about it. 

The website and the banner at the location claim this is "Ohio's Scariest Haunted House!!!" I politely disagree.  It wasn't bad, it was kind of understaffed and a little dull in spots but it was pretty average for a haunted house.  I had fun but I wasn't convinced on the "Scariest Haunted House" part of the self proclaimed review. 

My review: 6.5 out of 10 vials of fake blood at 20% off retail value.

These houses weren't great but they set a good start for the Halloween season.  I'll see you back again next week with our first Pittsburgh reviews. 

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