You just take my breath away, I don't know what else to say

My boss from my first over-the-table job recognized me in my car, from his car, at the bank yesterday.  He rolled his window down and asked me if I had ever worked for him.  I recognized him and I told him that I did.  He made fun of my hair and told me he still had the restaurants.  It was weird.

But...he remembered me after, I did the math, 17 years. First, I'm old.  Second, that's a long time to remember some random high school student who worked for you for a few years.  I didn't even have the style of hair he made fun of at the time.  I must have made an impression? I tend to do that.  I hope it was good.

Thanks to everyone who was really nice about me finishing a book.  I was really stressed to even post it on here, or publicize that I wrote one.  Afraid of criticism.  That's me. I need to find a forum or something on line where I can post it and get some stranger feedback now.  I wonder....

Anyway.  I can't blame my kids.  I'm the reason we can't have nice things.

Love & peace, y'all.

Baby, I'm baaaaaackkkk!!

I guess I'm back from a lot of things.  I'm back from a busy summer hiatus.  I'm back from a mommy escape weekend to Portland, Oregon with my bestie Ann.  I'm back to work from just two days off (Portland was a long weekend) and I come back to 6 angry voicemails from people who didn't pay their bills over the last three years and 45 emails.  This is not normal for me.  I guess I was just missed.  And this morning?  You know what I came into this morning?

I'll give you a hint.

I'll give you another hint.  It's 4 feet of not supposed to be here.  Welcome back to work!  

It's always exciting around here.  I am living through the first of hopefully not so many experiences of having to go against my personal morals on a project due to higher-ups.  I am sure it is not the last time and that's a bitter pill to take.  I have a lot of freedom to do what I think is best for the City so I have to just keep doing things that I think make a positive difference and keep working for the greater good as best I can.  

Want to see some photos from Portland?  Course you do. 

McMenamins Crystal Hotel.  

 

Ann and Clarice in our room. Don't look at me like that, Clarice...

Waterfall at the Japanese Gardens by the Rose Test Gardens (which we didn't go to)

Ann at the Japanese tea gardens

Then we went to the Chinese Tea Gardens, it was a tea garden battle royal!

But the Chinese tea gardens actually had teas to drink so they win.  

Ann got the maple blunt and I got the gay bar. 

Then we went to Voodoo Donuts.  They were intense.
Not as intense as the line to get the donuts, though...

Foo Dog in Chinatown

Food carts everywhere.  Seriously, these were the places that I ate the best.  So good....

It was seriously the best food on my trip, and the best pic of the trip.  The best pic, me stuffing my face.  But so happy. 

Treat yo'self!!!!

Just keeping it weird. 

And the kids, holding down the fort at the Cleveland Zoo while mama was out.  

Photos not listed...our kick ass night at the gay bar Silverado.  It was an excellent time.

Thanks Ann for an awesome mama getaway treat yo'self weekend!

I think she's ready to go

Dear lord, when do things get easier? 

The beginning of 2013 has already been stressful and tumultous.  Today is my first day back to work.  Writing this on my brief lunch break.  Why is it brief, you might ask?  Well, forgot a key component of my breast pump today.  So, in order to pump today I had to go and spend $40 on a cheap electric pump at 9 am this morning, using my lunch break. And let me tell you, you get what you pay for...Yea buddy.  And I got a stupid stupid email from someone at work which made me mad this morning (probably more mad thank i would have been if the next part of this blog wasn't also happening).  And the baby is sick. Really sick.  Not sleeping for almost an entire week sick.  And a whole week, not a work week.  She is almost sleeping now.  But I am tired.  And perhaps almost the most depressed I have ever been.  And I have an annual report to finish.  And job specs to write.  And meetings to have.  And interviews to conduct.  On top of all of the other stuff I have at work.  I was excited to come back to work today after having so much time off with whiny children.  And now I am wondering why I was excited to come back to work when I have to deal with stupid crap like childish and petty emails.

Oh well.  Here's to hoping that 2013 is like the month of march, in like a lion, out like a lamb.  That should be my new mantra. 

On the plus side, I'm getting a huge new office.  With lots of windows.  It's gonna rock.   

Well, I thought about the army, dad said son, you're f*cking high

There was a time when I was going to join the army.  Honestly.  Bet you didn't know that.  Or, perhaps you did.  It's kind of ironic (coincidental?  I always get those two wrong, me and Alanis Morriset) because I was going to train in the army to be a water treatment officer or something like that, it's been 13 years don't hold me to remembering the exact terms, and now I am working in local government in the water business some time later.  I guess it's full circle.  It makes me think that perhaps this is always what I was supposed to be doing.  If you believe in that kind of thing.  Which I don't, but sometimes this kind of thing makes me wonder.

I took today off of work even though I can't really afford the time right now.  I just needed a day.  Asher has been super bad lately, I don't know what is wrong with him.  Every. Single. Little. Thing. Is. A. Battle.  I put periods behind each word just to emphasize how much I am stressing each work.  Everything out of my mouth is a challenge for him to fight.  Asher, put your shoes on.  NO! Followed by a tantrum.  Asher, do you what do you want to eat for dinner?  "Pez and cookies."  You can have those for dessert.  NO!  NOT DESSERT!  NOW!  GO AWAY MAMA!.  you get the idea, right?  Rosie cannot get him to nap.  She does things that are counter productive when I'm trying to discipline him, like offer to give him what he wants.  (Who's in charge of whom, eh?)  It got so bad yesterday that he bit me in front of Rosie and Richard and Katya.  It was partially Rosie's fault and Katya's fault, katya's for being bad and Rosie for giving in to Asher when he wanted to be the same kind of bad.  He bit me hard, too.  I have never wanted to shake my son as much as I did yesterday.  Instead, we went to time out in the middle of the driveway with me holding him down until he calmed down and the whole crew just watching in embarrassment.  It was super awesome.

Work is also really stressful right now, trying to get all of my work done, wordsmith some grant applications by June 1st, get the WCP going and ready to roll without me, train new people, learn my new job, research some property stuff, continue to monitor the watershed and get the WMP finalized before I leave.  All in just about 8 weeks, give or take.  So, no stress, right?

Yeah, I think I deserve it, I am taking a "me" day.

Originally I wanted to use a groupon I had bought a while back for a Mani-Pedi but I waited too long to schedule it and they were booked.  So then I wanted to go see Dark Shadows since it came out today but...the first time it plays is during my Dr.s appt and so I can't go see it, either.  I don't want to just stay at home, I will totally just do housework all day and not relax.  I don't know what to do....  This is turning into a wasted day.  I did get a nice long blog typed up.  And I read the news.  And did my social media stuff.  Do I want to go shopping?  Not really....I always get depressed shopping alone.  Or just shopping.  And I don't really need anything.

Anyone want to go see dark shadows with me?  Ever since I heard about it on This American Life I have kinda wanted to see it.  Also, has anyone read 50 Shades of Gray?  I heard it's supposed to be good but I don't know if it's the kind of book I'd like, and there are about 1000 people on the library waiting list and I don't want to buy it unless it's really good.

By the way, Ben Folds Five is back together and putting an album out using Kickstarter.  You should check it out, you can download a free song there, too.  I haven't pledged yet because I don't have an account, perhaps I will later...

Oh, and I got a bunch of emails from Jason's old site I used to write for, www.unsoughtinput.com.  I used to write as Alouette on there, check me out.  Here's some of my old favorites of mine: Career Advice: Do Not Listen to Crazy People, An article about water before I even worked in the water biz (has it always been about water with me?  Geez...) and an article about nerd parents.  You know, as I go back through this stuff, I can't believe how much I wrote.  I'm impressing myself.  Anyway, I should probably let you get on with your day, this might be my longest blog on here ever.

Yeah, it's overwhelming but what else can we do?

You know, I didn't really like MGMT that much when I first heard them but this album has really grown on me.  It's subtle like that. 

It's been a tough week for me.  No more ticks so far, but I also haven't been out too much.  I've been super stressed out at work and at home, everything irritates me and I can't seem to relax or calm down, which causes lots of braxton-hicks contractions.  I decided I'm taking Friday off of work this week even though I don't really have the time (I want as much at home with Seiry as possible, you know?) because I need a "me" day.  I have a mani-pedi that I bought on groupon a while back which I was saving for right before her birth but I think I need it now more than I will need it then.  I also have a dr's appt on Friday so it works out well.  I'd like to get a massage, too, but I don't know if I'll have the time.  Maybe just a nice soak in my mom's huge bath tub. 

Ah, the heartburn is back.  I think it almost never leaves me now. 

The doula thing has been a hassle, too.  My doula never talks to me.  That's not right, is it?  I didn't think so.  I need one who is actually a real doula and isn't just using me to get her certification.  Why does the Cleveland area suck for women's care?  I don't get it. 

I really don't have time to be writing this blog.  I had so many things I wanted to tell you guys, too.  I'll leave you with this one tidbit from the weekend.

So, we are at Little Gym on Sunday with Asher and another mom comes up and chats with me, asking me how far along I am.  I told her I'm about 8 months and she was all like "Oh, you don't even look like it, you're so small!" Which was nice of her, I feel like I've just participated in one of those "eat a bajillion hot dogs as fast as you can" contest.  She asks if we know the sex, we tell her it's a girl.  She asks the name and we tell her "Seiry" and she immediately (way too quickly and loudly) responds "OH MY GOD, I LOVE IT!!!!"  The enthusiasm never reaches her eyes, though.  On our way home Ry and I both have a pretty good laugh because we both caught that she hates the name but she had her pre-planned response ready.  It was refreshing, actually, I'm so tired of people telling me that "we still have time before the baby is born to change our minds" or "Don't you mean Suri, like Tom Cruise's daughter?". 

Anyway, I really need to get a bunch of work done today. I'll miss you all until next time.

I'm seriously done with ticks already

Hello nasty, where you been? Probably in someones
body crevices.

I'm done with ticks.  I'm tired of having them.  I agree, they were novel in the beginning, with their disgusting habit of sneaking onto my person and trying to make me host more than one obvious parasite at a time.  I mean who doesn't want to hang out with tiny little creepy creatures who make it a habit of spreading an incurable disease and likes to spend their time in what one website called "body crevices and folds"?  I know I do.  Oh, wait, I meant the opposite of that. 

I have had three ticks in the last 8 or 9 days.  I am now on a tick Jihad.  I have never had ticks this often in one season ever, even when I worked for Davey Tree.  I must be delicious or maybe it's the sweet blood from Seiry forcing me to practically have an IV of sugary substances at all times.  That and the fact that we had such a mild winter. 

The message today is fuck ticks. You know how ticks eat your blood?  They use a little scalpel mouth part to cut you Emo style and then stick their entire head into your skin rooting around until they hit some pay-blood.  And then they hang on until they have gluttoned themselves so much on your blood that they literally have to throw up extra stomach contents back into your skin.  Yes ticks, you are one of the most disturbing creatures that I deal with.  You are like tiny little buffet eating serial killers, but just without killing but definitely with the fat family at a buffet problem.

I probably shouldn't use DEET so I've been looking into other treatment options.  I think I'm going to try to make this recipe for homemade bug repellent (specifically for ticks): http://www.ehow.com/how_5566738_make-eucalyptus-tick-repellent.html

I'll probably just smell like an old lady's house, but if it keeps the ticks away, well, I'm cool with that.  I've also read that tea tree oil and NEEM oil can be useful as well.  I guess I'll find out. 

And I'm watching every move she makes

Welcome, me, to the third trimester.  I feel like I've been pregnant forever.  I just want a glass of wine.  I always want Ry to order some so I can have a few sips but he never does.  Cause he likes beer.  And I don't.  So, that makes me sad.  I need to go someplace with people who like wine who will let me lick the bottom of their glass, just for a taste.  Man, that makes me sound desparate.  I'm not.  Honest.  I just would like a little.  And I like the idea of licking the bottom of another person's wine glass.  Sexy. 

I hope you realize that was an attempt at making a joke.  A poor attempt.  Yet, my poor attempt. 

Something that has been bothering me a bit lately.  I've been reading a lot of "crunchy" mom sites.  Basically, from what I can gather is, that this meas you are an "all natural, medicine avoiding going back to the earth" kind of hippie lady and you are taking your family with  you.  The reason I'm reading these blogs is basically because it seems to be the best place to find good support for VBAC births and birth stories, as well as unmedicated birth stories, both of which I am considering for Seiry's birth.  My last pregnancy reading any birth stories at all made me terrified.  I felt that it would be much better if I just let the hospital and my doctor do what I was paying them through the nose to do and had a lot of faith in the system. 

Now, don't get me wrong, they saved Asher's life and probably mine, too.  But...I feel that this time can be different and maybe if I do it differently we won't end up in a similar situation.  I don't want to have a major surgery (C-section) as I've mentioned before.  I want to try to do this the "old fashioned" way. 

Anyway, I deviate.  This was about what ticks me off about crunchy moms, not about my birth desires.  Basically, most of these women (at least the ones who blog) are stay at home moms.  And I read over and over again the same basic feeling: if you are a mom who goes back to work, you love your child less then a crunchy mom who sacrifices a career, a life and showering on a regular basis.  Sometimes they don't come out and say it directly, and sometimes they do.  It drives me crazy.  Just because I NEED to make money, I have to go to work.  Do you think I don't want to spend the time with my child? I like to be able to support my family (insert feed and clothe) and live where I live (in my nice middle class house) and send my child to Montessori.  And you know what?  I like that I get to go to work. I get satisfaction out of my job and out of my home life.

So, basically, fuck you, self rightous jerk face crunchy mothers.  You have no right to judge me.  Also, please wear some fuckin deodorant when you leave the house.  It's (probably) not going to give you breast cancer. 

Blip blip, blip blip blip, blip blip

So, wish me luck in my first day as Watershed Superintendent.  It really happened so quickly I'm still reeling honestly.  I'll take it one day at a time.  I have interviews all this week.  I really hope we have some good candidates. 

Had easter with my mom this weekend.  I didn't take photos because I was too busy helping my child spill easter egg coloring liquid  all over the place.  We had a grand old time.  Poor Ry, though, he's been so sick the last week that he was miserable and just sat and catnapped on the couch while Uncle Mike and I just kinda did all the fun stuff with Asher. 

My dad hates the baby name, too.  He asked my step-sister-in-law if we just put random letters on a dart board and threw darts to make up baby names.  He's closer with mine than hers, honestly.  I didn't use a dart board, though.  I'll tell you honestly, full disclosure, Seiry is the name of my dungeons and dragons character.  Yeah, we went there.  But it's a good name so who cares. 

I've decided to hire a Doula for this birth.  I'm very nervous about the whole thing, and I'm kind of going against Ry's wishes to just have an elective C-section.  My mom, too.  But...my body and I'm doing what I think is best for me and the  baby.  I don't want to have another C-section.  They suck.  Massively.  I know, I know, evicting a 40 week 8 lb.  parasite from your uterus via the vagina is also pretty un-fun...but...maybe less unfun then surgery?  Especially when you also have to take care of that parasite in addition to the 3 year old parasite you also already have after the fireworks are done and hubby has gone back to work. 

I'm currently looking for a doula.  I have had some recommendations and put out some feelers on Friday but I haven't really heard anything back yet.  I really want to find someone soon, I think it would make me feel better and reduce my stress.  I also need a massage.  I'm working on that, too.  I don't want to share the gory details of my last traumatic birth with you all on here, just know that my first birth was like a scene out of movie Aliens and I'd rather not make a sequel. Doubly so because I've never looked as good as Sigourney in my undies. 

Okay, back to work being a big bad superintendent.  Actually, I'm going to lunch now, but you know, gotta feed my lovely parasite. She's asking for a baked potato in case you were wondering.

Am I sure you are what I think you are?

So...good news turns sour sometimes way too soon. The announcement was made at work yesterday.  here's a direct quote: " Jessica Glowczewski will assume the responsibilities of Watershed Superintendent (similar to work previously performed by Mr. Collin Coy)." Now, keep in mind, this is supersedes the promotion to Watershed Supervisor I just got about two weeks ago. So, that's a bit quick.  And, well, according to the City qualifications, I'm not qualified.  The technically of it is that I will get a temporary class change to Assistant Watershed Superintendent (which I am qualified for) and eventually the position will be posted and I can apply for it rightfully so.  Then I will spend the next four years earning the experience I need to be eligible for the Superintendent position. 

So, some quick facts...I am not getting paid superintendent pay and I am not an official superintendent.  The idea is just to put someone in this "slot" so that work can get done.  It's not always easy to get the things you need to get the work that needs done accomplished in the city, so though it seems a little...odd...it's kind of how it has to go.  I'm very happy with this turn of events, honestly.  This is where I want to go with the city and now my path has been clearly defined.  I know exactly what I need to do to get where I want to go, which is also something that is hard to do in the city. 

But...like I said, sour....so, instead of people here being supportive and congratulatory...well, people were normal petty City workers.  They yelled at me, told me I wasn't good enough for the position, that I didn't earn it, other choice terms and phrases, and these are just the ones they angrily blurted in my face, not even the ones that they said when I wasn't around.  They say that I should have turned it down and gone straight to the union!  As if.  Like any of those whiners would have done any differently.  And you know what?  Where were they when I was doing all the extra work for no additional pay?  They were calling me a dummy and saying that I shouldn't be doing extra work without compensation for the city because it was a waste of time and effort and that they would never go above and beyond for the city.  And who ended up doing all of that work?  Me.  So.....how'd that pay for all of you petty, bitter city employees who refused to pick up the slack or even help me when I did? 

I'm sorry, I didn't want to get angry about it.  It really hurts me, though.  I'm nice to everyone here.  I work really hard and try my best every day while I watch  people who do the bare minimum and get paid much more than me.  I fight with these people every day to get just the things I need to do my job from their complacent petty claws.  They are condescending to me (even before this announcement) when I do the extra work.  The one guy said he's going to report it to the union.  Do it.  What do I care? 

I don't know.  I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but it's hard.  I work hard, I feel like I deserve this.  

To top off yesterday I told my mother the name Ry and I have decided on, Seiry Rose Glowczewski.  And she was totally supportive and wasn't mean or demeaning at all.  Not one bit.  

Oh, wait, did I say it that way?  I meant that she totally hated it, made fun of it and made me feel like garbage in general.  Thanks mom.  I really appreciate the support and respect. 

So, the two things I was really happy and excited about just a few days ago...both of them are causing me some sorrow today. 

I feel like throwing some music in here today.  Have some Roni Size and Bahamadia. 

Hello, it's me. I've thought about us for a long, long time

So much going on this time.  Had a pretty awesome time at the Akron Public Schools Science Fair this weekend.  Had a pretty popular booth.  Wanna see it?  Here you go:

Ryan and Asher stopped by about halfway through and helped me out, and also browsed the science fair.  I was a little reluctant to go but I'm glad I did.  Everyone seemed really interested in water and what we do here, and that makes me pretty happy. 

We also went and saw this really awesome presentation that some 8th grade students from Akron did on water, they had come here to do their research.  It was so good!  It's a good feeling to know that you know that what you do is important and that people, especially young people, care enough about it to find out. 

Sunday was much more relaxed.  Tried webcamming with the CA folks but that didn't go too great, neither of our children seemed interested in talking so it was short and sweet, but nice to talk to them nonetheless. 

Ry and I are still at an impasse on names for this baby.  It's so hard to name a person!

I've been feeling a little down about my relationship with my family lately.  I feel that my mother's constant negativity and just general 'debbie downerism' is really starting to get to me.  Why do I feel that I need my mother's approval still?  I don't know, it's beyond me why I care.  But I do.  Anyway, it's nothing major, just something that's been on my mind lately. 

Leaving for CA in less than three weeks.  The countdown is on!  I'm really looking forward to it.  It'll be nice to go and chill with the Morrisons for a bit, it's so hard to do that when they are here because they have so much family stuff going on for them. 

As for new years resolutions, taking asher to the park for January...check.  I didn't teach him anything about nature, per se, but we did go sledding so that was pretty awesome.  And naturetastic, right?  I think it counts. 

Anyway, this post has been kinda rambly.  I should probably wrap it up.  

Duh-du...dun-duh...dun-DA!

Land Shark.  This is what we do in our spare time at work.  Actually, it's the first time we did it.  But we will do it again.  Land Shark waits patiently to ambush unsuspecting operators.  I'd like to say we did this in honor of the Cleveland Aquarium opening this weekend but....it is merely coincidence.  Anyway, I hope this video works.  If not here's a photo.  It's less entertaining but you'll get the idea.

Can anyone tell me what I'm doing wrong when I try to pull my videos off of my google+ account to here and why it never works?  I really don't get it....

You're always there for music and me

My brother had a pretty awesome Nerf war Bday party last night.  I don't have my normal computer so I don't have any way to put photos on here at all for either of my topics today, expect photos in the next couple of days, hopefully.  That's all I'll say about the party without the pics for now.

So, I come into work today knowing full well that I won't have a wall to my office anymore.  I wasn't expecting the true damage that I walked into, though.  Not at all.  I guess I should have expected my office to be covered in a patina of dust from 100 years of having walls in the office.  Everything was covered in dust, nothing covered or protected.  So, there is that. 

Then, I was told that my sanctuary, which I just finished cleaning and arranged, was supposed to be safe as it was protected by a support wall.  This was not the truth, they ripped a hole in the other wall for no reason.  For no reason at all.  Really, guys?  Really?  Were you getting a little crowbar happy?  In fact, the crow bar is still hanging stuck in the wall.  I'll post the picture when I can. 

Oh, did I mention that they shut off the power to my office, too?  So it's a horrible mess, I don't have any power, it's in unworkable conditions, and I'm still expected to do my job.  Thanks, guys.  Really, I mean it.  Thanks.  Motivation is at an all time low.  I didn't think it could get this low. 

Gah.

To make matters the worst, I planted a tomato plant, Giada the Tomata, in a spare sparse garden bed here and I've been taking care of her, watering her and weeding and tying her up and everything.  And when I left on Thursday she had a nice half ripe tomato on her, the first one.  I expected to have a nice beautiful tomato when I came into work today.  Guess what I found instead?  Someone took it.  My first tomato from her.  I am not against sharing my crops with people here, but no one else helped me grow her so I feel that I should have first rights.  How dare someone steal my first tomato.  It was the final nail in the demotivation coffin today. 

And I'm stressing big time about going to NYC and leaving my little bear.  So that doesn't help with my overall mood.  If Ry was staying home with him I would feel 1000% better.  I wish he wasn't going to Niagara Falls.  I know that is selfish and not nice but I can't feel good about us both being gone.  I'm home with Asher a lot when Ry travels.  I just wish he could reciprocate.  I cannot even begin to tell you how stressed I am about this.  I've been trying not to think about it.  I haven't been succeeding.

Here's a little something I made to educate you on what I do

Okay, so it's not a whole lot of education on what I do but I did create this little picture to explain how basic runoff works for the watershed presentations I give.  I hope you like it.  I'm not the best artist ever so I wouldn't say it's great, but it gets the point across. 

Runoff is a primary problem/concern in the watershed currently (seasonally).  All these spring rains in combination with the spreading of manure, fertilizers and bio-sludge (yup, you heard that right, bio-sludge: basically consists of the treated sewage leftovers from portapotties, waste water treatment plants and pumped out septic systems, yum!) on crop fields, runoff from pasture lands and manure storage areas and fertilizers for pretty verdant lawns and golf courses can create a lot of messy runoff that enters into the source waters (potentially).  So, it's a lot of junk just gathering into the water every time it rains if it's not applied properly (which is more expensive and more difficult to do, so it almost never is, at least in my experience), which makes me a very busy ranger.