I crashed my car into the bridge and sat and watched it burn

So........

First rant of the day is...why are there all of these "no kids" weddings of late?  And no kid receptions.  Why do you even other inviting me?  You have alienated half of my family.  I understand that you might be thinking "oh, what a great opportunity for you to get a baby sitter and come hang out with adults" and what I am thinking is "I have to find a sitter and hopefully it's someone who won't let my heathens burn down my house.  And then I'll spend the whole night worrying if they are burning the house down or if Asher has trampled his sister into the ground or if Seiry bit the babysitter (or the cat). Oh, and I can't ask my usual sitter because she is 73 and just spend the whole day watching them.  F@*%$"

Why aren't my kids invited to your wedding?  Are they second class citizens?  Oh well.  I really like to go to weddings but...without my kids, it's probably a no go.  I get it but....if you want me and other parents to come..oh wait, maybe you don't know any other parents.  Well, just wait till you have kids and people ask you to come to their "adults only" events and then what?  Even if I do get a sitter, Seiry is currently super Mommy-centric right now and she holds grudges (meaning she won't sleep that night and is a horrible human being the whole next day to pay you back for going out for one night).  So, that's awesome, too. Just wait...you're day will come.  And you will be reading my blog and saying, oh man, she is such a soothsayer, she really does know what she's talking about and I totally relate to everything she says.  Best blog ever.

Oh wait, you won't be saying that, because it's 99% not true.   But that 1%, man you will really connect with.

I totally had another reason to write a blog today but after Asher just trampled his sister and is now prodding her with a little stick I really can't focus on much of anything.

So...

Blip blip, blip blip blip, blip blip

So, wish me luck in my first day as Watershed Superintendent.  It really happened so quickly I'm still reeling honestly.  I'll take it one day at a time.  I have interviews all this week.  I really hope we have some good candidates. 

Had easter with my mom this weekend.  I didn't take photos because I was too busy helping my child spill easter egg coloring liquid  all over the place.  We had a grand old time.  Poor Ry, though, he's been so sick the last week that he was miserable and just sat and catnapped on the couch while Uncle Mike and I just kinda did all the fun stuff with Asher. 

My dad hates the baby name, too.  He asked my step-sister-in-law if we just put random letters on a dart board and threw darts to make up baby names.  He's closer with mine than hers, honestly.  I didn't use a dart board, though.  I'll tell you honestly, full disclosure, Seiry is the name of my dungeons and dragons character.  Yeah, we went there.  But it's a good name so who cares. 

I've decided to hire a Doula for this birth.  I'm very nervous about the whole thing, and I'm kind of going against Ry's wishes to just have an elective C-section.  My mom, too.  But...my body and I'm doing what I think is best for me and the  baby.  I don't want to have another C-section.  They suck.  Massively.  I know, I know, evicting a 40 week 8 lb.  parasite from your uterus via the vagina is also pretty un-fun...but...maybe less unfun then surgery?  Especially when you also have to take care of that parasite in addition to the 3 year old parasite you also already have after the fireworks are done and hubby has gone back to work. 

I'm currently looking for a doula.  I have had some recommendations and put out some feelers on Friday but I haven't really heard anything back yet.  I really want to find someone soon, I think it would make me feel better and reduce my stress.  I also need a massage.  I'm working on that, too.  I don't want to share the gory details of my last traumatic birth with you all on here, just know that my first birth was like a scene out of movie Aliens and I'd rather not make a sequel. Doubly so because I've never looked as good as Sigourney in my undies. 

Okay, back to work being a big bad superintendent.  Actually, I'm going to lunch now, but you know, gotta feed my lovely parasite. She's asking for a baked potato in case you were wondering.

Jarred baby food makes bad parents

So, a post on facebook this morning called me out as being a bad parent.  Because I fed my child jarred baby food instead of making my own.  I guess I bought into the whole consumer trap, you know?  So, you can just put me in line with however other millions of parents feed their baby pre-processed foods for the worst parent of the year award. 

The post started out innocently enough with "Now that I've had myself a handful of babies I just don't see the point in jarred baby food."  See, that isn't so bad.  It's just saying that she prefers to feed her child her own homemade baby food.  No biggie there, right?  Right.  Then it starts to get ugly.  23 comments of ugly to uglier.  I really hate this "better than you" parenting method that people employ anymore.  Especially natural home birthers.  They feel so pretentious and self righteous just because they skipped on modern medicine and an epidural.  And God forbid you ever gave your child formula.  God forbid.  You may as well just give your baby up for adoption now, because if not s/he will end up as a serial killer rapist baby killer one day.  Because you gave them formula. FORMULA!

I do understand why it's better to make your own baby food but honestly, I work a full time job.  Then I come home to a full time job.  I am often really busy and you know, sometimes it was just easier to pull out a jar of baby food and feed him.  And it was def easier for day care to do.  I'm sure I'm a horrible parent because I have my child in pampers instead of cloth diapers (which I did consider heavily), too.  And because he will be two next week and still isn't potty trained. 

Oh, and my stepmom told me that the news said that boys who drank soy formula (if you didn't know, Asher was lactose intolerant and when my milk started to dry at the end of the game I supplemented with formula, about half and half or so) would grow up to be gay.  So I fucked up there, too.  Who knew it was so easy to fuck up your child in so many ways in just two years while all the time you thought you were doing pretty OK?  It was horrible, she just told me and looked at me in the eyes with a sad, knowing look, like, 'oh, you poor thing destined to have a horrible GAY son.  I knew you shouldn't have given him soy formula, even if real formula mixed with your breastmilk made him poop blood.'  Something like that. 

By the way, I told her that if he was gay that I would love him twice as much as I already love him, which would be hard since I really love him as much as I can already, but I would do it extra hard if he were gay. 

Moral of the story, some of us just aren't cut out to be champion breeders.  Oh well.  Asher seems happy enough.  I think that's good.