Spinning circles, watch them run

Just some statements.  Christmas is not about who can buy more gifts for children.  It is not a competition between grandparents.  Or between grandparents and parents.  It is not a competition for attention.  It is not supposed to be about consumerism at all.  I will be the first to tell you I'm not a religious person but from what I remember from Sunday School back when I was a wee little 'un...the birthday of Jesus was not supposed to signify which big box retailer could sell more stuff no one wants nor needs.

I don't know if you can tell but this holiday sucked the life out of me.  It kills me a little each year.  I understand how people are grinches.  I can't help but hate this time of year.  I thought having kids would rekindle my love of the holiday but the stresses and pressures that my family puts on me make me hate the whole month of December.  Just saying.

I read an article the other day that talked about how the holidays have much more pressure and stress for women then men. How women feel the need to please everyone and make sure Christmas is "perfect" and create new traditions to make sure her children remember each and every Christmas as the best one ever.  I can barely hold my shit together and I feel these pressures.  I had a pretty stressful month at work in December plus I tried to force myself to be in a wonderful holiday mood.  In the end, I ended up breaking down, calling my kid a selfish ungrateful brat to his face and passive aggressively yelling at my MIL (I know she still doesn't get it and even if she does, she doesn't care).  And right after that, I went out and cried to myself in my trunk for a while (yesterday was a pretty emotional day).

Anyway....I can't do this again.  I want to have a nice time with my family and not hate them for the whole month of December.  I appreciate that they all want to treat my kids as if they were their own around the holidays but I wish we could spread this out around the whole year instead of micro-focusing it during 25 days of misery.  I was given a suggestion by a good friend that I really am going to heavily consider...travelling during the holidays.  Now...where to go...

I think she's ready to go

Dear lord, when do things get easier? 

The beginning of 2013 has already been stressful and tumultous.  Today is my first day back to work.  Writing this on my brief lunch break.  Why is it brief, you might ask?  Well, forgot a key component of my breast pump today.  So, in order to pump today I had to go and spend $40 on a cheap electric pump at 9 am this morning, using my lunch break. And let me tell you, you get what you pay for...Yea buddy.  And I got a stupid stupid email from someone at work which made me mad this morning (probably more mad thank i would have been if the next part of this blog wasn't also happening).  And the baby is sick. Really sick.  Not sleeping for almost an entire week sick.  And a whole week, not a work week.  She is almost sleeping now.  But I am tired.  And perhaps almost the most depressed I have ever been.  And I have an annual report to finish.  And job specs to write.  And meetings to have.  And interviews to conduct.  On top of all of the other stuff I have at work.  I was excited to come back to work today after having so much time off with whiny children.  And now I am wondering why I was excited to come back to work when I have to deal with stupid crap like childish and petty emails.

Oh well.  Here's to hoping that 2013 is like the month of march, in like a lion, out like a lamb.  That should be my new mantra. 

On the plus side, I'm getting a huge new office.  With lots of windows.  It's gonna rock.   

Yeah, it's overwhelming but what else can we do?

You know, I didn't really like MGMT that much when I first heard them but this album has really grown on me.  It's subtle like that. 

It's been a tough week for me.  No more ticks so far, but I also haven't been out too much.  I've been super stressed out at work and at home, everything irritates me and I can't seem to relax or calm down, which causes lots of braxton-hicks contractions.  I decided I'm taking Friday off of work this week even though I don't really have the time (I want as much at home with Seiry as possible, you know?) because I need a "me" day.  I have a mani-pedi that I bought on groupon a while back which I was saving for right before her birth but I think I need it now more than I will need it then.  I also have a dr's appt on Friday so it works out well.  I'd like to get a massage, too, but I don't know if I'll have the time.  Maybe just a nice soak in my mom's huge bath tub. 

Ah, the heartburn is back.  I think it almost never leaves me now. 

The doula thing has been a hassle, too.  My doula never talks to me.  That's not right, is it?  I didn't think so.  I need one who is actually a real doula and isn't just using me to get her certification.  Why does the Cleveland area suck for women's care?  I don't get it. 

I really don't have time to be writing this blog.  I had so many things I wanted to tell you guys, too.  I'll leave you with this one tidbit from the weekend.

So, we are at Little Gym on Sunday with Asher and another mom comes up and chats with me, asking me how far along I am.  I told her I'm about 8 months and she was all like "Oh, you don't even look like it, you're so small!" Which was nice of her, I feel like I've just participated in one of those "eat a bajillion hot dogs as fast as you can" contest.  She asks if we know the sex, we tell her it's a girl.  She asks the name and we tell her "Seiry" and she immediately (way too quickly and loudly) responds "OH MY GOD, I LOVE IT!!!!"  The enthusiasm never reaches her eyes, though.  On our way home Ry and I both have a pretty good laugh because we both caught that she hates the name but she had her pre-planned response ready.  It was refreshing, actually, I'm so tired of people telling me that "we still have time before the baby is born to change our minds" or "Don't you mean Suri, like Tom Cruise's daughter?". 

Anyway, I really need to get a bunch of work done today. I'll miss you all until next time.