I don't care I don't care if I'm losing my way

Good morning, good evening, and if I don't see ya, goodnight.

I'm wondering about putting my book up on a blog.  Chapter by chapter.  I'd love to have some feedback.  Maybe a tublr or something.  I dunno.  I'm open to suggestions.  I don't want to self publish, but I also long for someone else to give me feedback on it.

I miss the traffic I get from facebook on here.  I wonder if I got ryan to post my blog posts if people would come talk to me.  I miss facebook a little, it's been about six weeks of no facebook at all.  I don't miss facebook, let me clarify.  I miss seeing people i care about and their posts.  I don't miss the bullshit.  I also don't miss feeling like a slave to my phone with need to check it all the time.

Our work xmas party was yesterday.  My employees, surrounded by a ton of other people, even when they were playing cards, had to check their phones constantly.  If there was even a second of free time, they were thumbing their phones.  I don't want to be like that, and I don't want my kids to be like that.

Just booked tickets to Atlanta for Dude's bday.  Should be fun.  We are going to a dungeon.

Maybe I think too much, but something's wrong

Hello, it's me.

Why, yes, I do only come here when I'm feeling a little self depreciate-y.  I'm glad you noticed.  That will make this much easier for both of us.

I'm hoping that when I'm forty or something that I'll look back at myself and be all like, oh, it was worth it, the self discovery that brought us here.  Cause, woman, you da man.  Or something like that, which does not imply that being a man is better than being a woman.  I'm not turning forty anytime soon, I've got time to work on it.

Oh, look, it's a report...

I had a draft of my first book printed today.  It's 212 pages compiled into a clear covered, 8x11 report by the wonderful UPS store.  Thanks UPS!  Hope I didn't scar you.  Yeah, like you read what I sent you.  That would be a violation of customer confidentiality.  (I know you didn't read it but what did you think? *wink wink nudge nudge*)  Oh, yeah, you totally didn't read it.  Oh, okay.  No, I get it.  It's all good.  I just..well...nevermind.

Um, I guess that last part is a lie.  The book itself is 212 pages total, but there's that whole, practically blank cover page and a table of contents as well.  So...210 pages.  Don't let me get too big of a head.  It's the shortest of all my books, too.  Some places say that formatting is a big deal to figure out how many pages your book would be as a novel.  What I'm seeing pretty consistently is an average of 250 words per page.  If that's the case, then my book has 121,156 words, divided by 250 words per page...means 484.6 pages.  So, like 485 pages rounding up for a cover page.  I know I did this kind of stuff in my stats post a few weeks ago, but I revised it a few times so it's a little longer.  

So...it's really big (that's what she said).  Bigger than I thought it was.  I, apparently, am verbose.  It's a surprise to us all, I know.  I was just so excited to have a book, you know?  I know that self publishing such a niche book will probably never happen, and I can't handle the stress of trying to do that as well as doing my other two jobs, too, but it's a dream.  Honestly, I don't care to make money from it (though it would be nice, you know?), I would just like people who are interested in that kind of stuff to read it and tell me what they think.

Also, seeing it printed, while making it kinda real to me, also made me feel like it's probably not very good.

So...maybe I don't want to know what people honestly think of it, I have practically no self confidence.  But I want it to be good.  :/

Did I mention I finished the third book over the weekend?  And started the fourth, and last, one.  I promise, this one will end the "Promise" series, which I don't know if I'm calling it that or not.  I will finish this story line. I really will.

Don't leave, I know we are dreaming

So, some statistics because Dude who sleeps next to me was asking for them.

Since September of last year I have written:
292,447 words (estimated from averaged word count per random page sampling)
640 pages (standard word document sized)
53 chapters
2 1/3 books

So, I internet-ed a bit and found that if it were to go into print format (5.5x8.5 format) that my books would be:

Book 1 Anri and Seth: Bloodbound 408 pages
Book 2 Anri and Seth: Demonbound 583 pages
Book 3 Anri and Seth: Feywilds  179 pages (so far at chapter 9)

Now...what to do...what to do. I am seriously considering trying to publish, even if no one buys it.  I wonder how many books are written every year that are in exactly the same place as mine...authors with no confidence wondering if they should or shouldn't just put out into the world what they have created.  I would hate to publish something if it was horrible, but I don't think mine is.  But it's mine, so I wouldn't right?  Wait, I know my self esteem.  I always think my stuff is horrible.  So if I actually think my stuff is good...

I think my head just exploded.  I will tell you this.  I'm no Brandon Sanderson or Neil Gaiman, so don't think I'm getting a big head.  But...maybe it's not so bad, right?  And, I totally recognize that I have a very limited audience.  But if even a few people like my story, well, then that's all good, right?

Now...editing.  Not for me, I just keep on writing.  I'm hoping to finish up this series by the end of the third book.

I'm a little afraid to end it, I love writing and I don't want to lapse.  I'm afraid I'd fall out of it if I went too long, you know?