So, just getting ready for the holidays and then the new year. I don't think we are planning on doing anything exciting this year for New Years Eve. Maybe just skyping with the CA clan for a bit. You aren't very much fun at a party with a 2 year old and being pregnant. It is what it is.
I have a new schedule for next year, starting on the 1st. I thought I'd be happy about it but now I am sad, I am going to a regular Monday through Friday day shift. So, I should be happy about having the whole weekend with my kin but instead I'm thinking it sucks because now Asher will have one more day at daycare and not at home. And then what will happen with #2? I'm really not sure what we are going to do once s/he is born yet...I've got some time, I guess. The one lab position's shift is looking to be a day shift with days off as Tues and Weds...I might go for that if I was offered the option...then we would only have to have daycare for 3 days...but ry and I would never have a day off together. Oh well, at least we would have the evenings. And we could meet for lunch on the days the other is working.
Time will tell.
I've been feeling much better, pregnancy wise. The last week or so has been so much better. Still tired a lot but not overwhelmingly exhausted. I'm not feeling nauseous as much as I was, barely at all, actually. Thank goodness for that.
I really don't have much else to say right now. I'll post some xmas pics up probably next week sometime. Asher's such a ham, so they should be pretty good.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Our only goal will be the western shores
I got a call on Friday night that my friend Ellen Rohland died in the hospital on December 9th at 5:30 pm. She had been fighting an infection she got from falling on ice over 6 years ago. She every time she would get better something would happen and put her back in the hospital and each time it was worse than the last. I guess I'm glad she isn't suffering anymore but it just seems so wrong. I mean, she was only 36. People don't (shouldn't) die that young.
Her mom called me and told me that she had passed on. She told me that I was the first person she called. Before her own family. This statement bothers me. I guess I should be flattered but it just makes me more sad. I mean, does her mother really think that I was more of a support and friend to her than her own family during these times? Did Ellen? Because I feel I wasn't that good of a friend. I tried to be, but with a kid and her being in and out of the hospital it was hard to see her. She hadn't gotten out of the hospital for a long time, recently, and a month and a half ago her mother had called me and told me that Ellen had fallen into a coma. She came out of that coma and I wanted to go visit but she was (and continued to be) in ICU for the whole time, which Asher is not allowed to visit. I should have gotten a babysitter and gone to see her (but she was always so happy to see him). I should have tried harder to call her (I could never get a hold of her when I did lately). I don't know, I feel that I wasn't really there for her in the end. As it was, we only got to visit around twice a year before this last event. We did try to talk on the phone about once a month or so but...now I just don't feel that it was enough. I don't feel that I was there enough for her.
But honestly, we only talked about once a month because talking to Ellen was hard. It's very hard to have something encouraging to say to a woman who has spent 6 years in a hospital, who never seems to get better. It's hard to be supportive and not say the same wrote things over and over again. So, for the last couple of years, we just talked about me. How selfish is that? I felt it was selfish and I would feel bad for it, but it was better than the other stuff we could talk about. About how she had yet another doctor who could do nothing for her. How she got kicked out of another nursing home for being a "difficult" patient. About how she is being moved to another care facility, one that can better take care of her special "needs". I mean, we did talk about these things, too. I think they made her depressed, too, when she talked about them and that's why we didn't dwell on them for long. She loved to hear about Asher and what he was up to, what new words he had learned or what funny thing he had done recently. I didn't even get to tell her I was pregnant again, I really had wanted to tell her that. I think it really would have made her very happy.
She always wanted to go to Disney Land with me. She had worked there as a young woman in college and loved every minute about it. I've never met anyone so Disney obsessed as she was. We had plans to go, just me and her (no kids or boys allowed!) when she got out of the hospital. It was a dream she had and I was more than willing to oblige. Obviously it never happened...
The worst part of the whole thing is that there will be no funeral. Ellen's time in the hospital drained her mother's resources and she has nothing. Not even enough for a funeral or a burial. It's really sad. And I feel I need some sort of closure. I haven't seen her in months. I haven't talked to her in months. I feel kind of lost and adrift I understand that need for a funeral now. I need to say goodbye and apologize for not being there as much as I should have been. Her mother said she didn't want to ruin anyone's holidays with a memorial service (because Ellen's favorite times were the holidays), so she would maybe plan something in the springtime. I hope so.
So, rest in peace, Ellen Rohland. And I'm sorry.
Her mom called me and told me that she had passed on. She told me that I was the first person she called. Before her own family. This statement bothers me. I guess I should be flattered but it just makes me more sad. I mean, does her mother really think that I was more of a support and friend to her than her own family during these times? Did Ellen? Because I feel I wasn't that good of a friend. I tried to be, but with a kid and her being in and out of the hospital it was hard to see her. She hadn't gotten out of the hospital for a long time, recently, and a month and a half ago her mother had called me and told me that Ellen had fallen into a coma. She came out of that coma and I wanted to go visit but she was (and continued to be) in ICU for the whole time, which Asher is not allowed to visit. I should have gotten a babysitter and gone to see her (but she was always so happy to see him). I should have tried harder to call her (I could never get a hold of her when I did lately). I don't know, I feel that I wasn't really there for her in the end. As it was, we only got to visit around twice a year before this last event. We did try to talk on the phone about once a month or so but...now I just don't feel that it was enough. I don't feel that I was there enough for her.
But honestly, we only talked about once a month because talking to Ellen was hard. It's very hard to have something encouraging to say to a woman who has spent 6 years in a hospital, who never seems to get better. It's hard to be supportive and not say the same wrote things over and over again. So, for the last couple of years, we just talked about me. How selfish is that? I felt it was selfish and I would feel bad for it, but it was better than the other stuff we could talk about. About how she had yet another doctor who could do nothing for her. How she got kicked out of another nursing home for being a "difficult" patient. About how she is being moved to another care facility, one that can better take care of her special "needs". I mean, we did talk about these things, too. I think they made her depressed, too, when she talked about them and that's why we didn't dwell on them for long. She loved to hear about Asher and what he was up to, what new words he had learned or what funny thing he had done recently. I didn't even get to tell her I was pregnant again, I really had wanted to tell her that. I think it really would have made her very happy.
She always wanted to go to Disney Land with me. She had worked there as a young woman in college and loved every minute about it. I've never met anyone so Disney obsessed as she was. We had plans to go, just me and her (no kids or boys allowed!) when she got out of the hospital. It was a dream she had and I was more than willing to oblige. Obviously it never happened...
The worst part of the whole thing is that there will be no funeral. Ellen's time in the hospital drained her mother's resources and she has nothing. Not even enough for a funeral or a burial. It's really sad. And I feel I need some sort of closure. I haven't seen her in months. I haven't talked to her in months. I feel kind of lost and adrift I understand that need for a funeral now. I need to say goodbye and apologize for not being there as much as I should have been. Her mother said she didn't want to ruin anyone's holidays with a memorial service (because Ellen's favorite times were the holidays), so she would maybe plan something in the springtime. I hope so.
So, rest in peace, Ellen Rohland. And I'm sorry.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Call me third law because you know I say fuck the first two
That wonderful tidbit of lyricism is from my hubby who is a guest rapper on Killer Whale Party's new album which is coming out sometime next year. Get your copy reserved today...
Anyway, I'm feeling a bit better lately, just super emotional and moody and tired. Always cold and tired. Only a little morning sickness each day, now. There was a comment about why I don't use morning sickness remedies...well, some of them haven't really been working for me (horehound...which makes me sad because I love it so), peppermint has a very minimal effect and ginger makes me want to vomit even more. So I've been trying to eat small snacks all day long and drink lots and lots, and that seems to be helping. Also, I changed taking my vitamin from the morning with breakfast to right before bed, and that has helped tremendously.
So, Asher was in the hospital for a respiratory infection. I was feeling pretty guilty about the whole thing, Ry took him to the ER while I was working and then they checked him into the hospital, while I was working, and I felt really helpless and out of control. I went and saw him right after work and stayed with him until he feel asleep, but they said only one parent may spend the night with a child so I went home (Ry and I both decided that it's best for me to save up as much of my sick time as possible for maternity leave next year) and ry spent the next day with him in the hospital while I went to work. It was incredibly stressful and upsetting for me, especially with my super charged emotional state, and I have been feeling the residuals from it in the form of anxiety, exhaustion and listlessness.
Asher is going to the Dr. today for a follow up check up.
So, you know one thing I feel ripped off about? Pregnant women are not allowed (or not supposed to) eat lunch meat. Deli meat. Because it could be dangerous to your fetus. Listeria. You know...think about this...it means that most all deli meats (and hot dogs) are contaminated with Listeria on a regular basis and it's okay for everyone else to eat them. This should make some people question the food that they are fed that is considered "safe" for everyone else. Maybe old people shouldn't eat deli meat, either. Maybe the infirm? I don't want to go on a tirade about deli meats and hot dogs, other than the fact that, Fuck you mr. deli meat maker. Fuck you very much.
Anyway, I'm feeling a bit better lately, just super emotional and moody and tired. Always cold and tired. Only a little morning sickness each day, now. There was a comment about why I don't use morning sickness remedies...well, some of them haven't really been working for me (horehound...which makes me sad because I love it so), peppermint has a very minimal effect and ginger makes me want to vomit even more. So I've been trying to eat small snacks all day long and drink lots and lots, and that seems to be helping. Also, I changed taking my vitamin from the morning with breakfast to right before bed, and that has helped tremendously.
So, Asher was in the hospital for a respiratory infection. I was feeling pretty guilty about the whole thing, Ry took him to the ER while I was working and then they checked him into the hospital, while I was working, and I felt really helpless and out of control. I went and saw him right after work and stayed with him until he feel asleep, but they said only one parent may spend the night with a child so I went home (Ry and I both decided that it's best for me to save up as much of my sick time as possible for maternity leave next year) and ry spent the next day with him in the hospital while I went to work. It was incredibly stressful and upsetting for me, especially with my super charged emotional state, and I have been feeling the residuals from it in the form of anxiety, exhaustion and listlessness.
Asher is going to the Dr. today for a follow up check up.
So, you know one thing I feel ripped off about? Pregnant women are not allowed (or not supposed to) eat lunch meat. Deli meat. Because it could be dangerous to your fetus. Listeria. You know...think about this...it means that most all deli meats (and hot dogs) are contaminated with Listeria on a regular basis and it's okay for everyone else to eat them. This should make some people question the food that they are fed that is considered "safe" for everyone else. Maybe old people shouldn't eat deli meat, either. Maybe the infirm? I don't want to go on a tirade about deli meats and hot dogs, other than the fact that, Fuck you mr. deli meat maker. Fuck you very much.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Summer Nerf Wars....Finally. Betcha thought I forgot!
 |
| Asher says "Let's get ready....to RUMBLE!!!!!" |
 |
| Say hello to my little gun... |
 |
| Do you think he has enough guns? |
 |
| Tom watches the skirmish with longing. |
 |
| Choose your weapon, but choose wisely... |
 |
| Practicing his war cry. |
 |
| He can't decide if his beer or sword would be more effective. It's nice they gave him the time to choose, instead of cutting him down where he stood. |
 |
| A battle to the death between two fierce warrior women. |
 |
| Action Shot! |
Sunday, November 20, 2011
What's worse than constantly wanting to throw up all the time but not being able to throw up at all?
I'm not sure, but if you find something that is worse, let me know so I can dwell on how much worse it would be if that were how I felt every day for 6 or so hours. I will not be doing this again, and if it had been this bad with Asher I think I would have considered not doing it again at all. This is just peachy and awesome and, blahg. I can't even bullshit myself at this point. See, I probably shouldn't be writing this early in the morning when Asher refused to let anyone sleep last night (I feel that he must have thought at one point:If I can't sleep no one can) on top of feeling like I would love to throw up and get it over with when I know that a: there will be no throwing up and b: even if there was, it wouldn't make it end. I would just feel like this again and some more until I threw up or wished I could throw up again.
Seriously, go hug your mother for going through this for you. You had better. She deserves more than that but it's a start.
Finally back in my office. Of sorts. The cube walls haven't come in yet so it's just a big empty room with a bunch of desks in it so far but soon I will have my own slice of office again. It's nice, I guess, and they expect me to be falling all over myself to congratulate them on what a great job they did in here but quite frankly, I am not impressed. I would be more impressed if this hadn't taken 4 months of me not having anywhere to call a work station, if I had had warning about the demolition (they are currently demolishing a ladies bathroom that I don't use but other women who work here do use, and I was told they demanded management not pull another "jessica", so now my name is well known with unforcasted demolitions...joy), and if the whole thing wasn't just a gigantic kick in the face. Half of my shit is still covered in this ridiculously sticky dust and half of my stuff is missing.
But you know what? I have just overreacted this whole episode. Four months of overreaction. You know.
Seriously, go hug your mother for going through this for you. You had better. She deserves more than that but it's a start.
Finally back in my office. Of sorts. The cube walls haven't come in yet so it's just a big empty room with a bunch of desks in it so far but soon I will have my own slice of office again. It's nice, I guess, and they expect me to be falling all over myself to congratulate them on what a great job they did in here but quite frankly, I am not impressed. I would be more impressed if this hadn't taken 4 months of me not having anywhere to call a work station, if I had had warning about the demolition (they are currently demolishing a ladies bathroom that I don't use but other women who work here do use, and I was told they demanded management not pull another "jessica", so now my name is well known with unforcasted demolitions...joy), and if the whole thing wasn't just a gigantic kick in the face. Half of my shit is still covered in this ridiculously sticky dust and half of my stuff is missing.
But you know what? I have just overreacted this whole episode. Four months of overreaction. You know.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Oh, do I still have one of these blog thingys?
Wow, I haven't written in a while. I guess I've just been busy and stressed super tired and all that jazz. There is a reason, and since I'm pretty sure no one reads this (especially after a nice long hiatus from writing....), I'll tell you. I'm pregnant with my second kid. I think I'll occasionally update you on my condition, not that many people care, but since this is my blog I can do anything I want with it and you just have to deal with it. Wow, someone is snotty and internet angsty. Reign it in, girl.
Anyway, six weeks pregnant, so it's really early yet, but I've been feeling some awesome morning sickness. I didn't have any with my first kid, so this is an (un)refreshing change of pace. Also, super duper moody. Much more than last time already, so Ryan has already told me. Despite being mildly nausea filled most of the day, I still have an overwhelming appetite. So, of course, I'm gaining weight like a fat cow, too. Isn't that pleasant. I forgot (forcibly) how shitty it is to be pregnant and all those women who are like, 'oh, i love being pregnant!' can suck it. For real.
I think I'm going to write a few blogs based on the fear of literally everything that pregnancy advise websites and books and people in general who have only ever seen a baby once deeply incarcerate into the already overly emotionally overloaded minds of pregnant women everywhere. There's nothing like a good dose of fear to override all rational reaction.
Anyway, six weeks pregnant, so it's really early yet, but I've been feeling some awesome morning sickness. I didn't have any with my first kid, so this is an (un)refreshing change of pace. Also, super duper moody. Much more than last time already, so Ryan has already told me. Despite being mildly nausea filled most of the day, I still have an overwhelming appetite. So, of course, I'm gaining weight like a fat cow, too. Isn't that pleasant. I forgot (forcibly) how shitty it is to be pregnant and all those women who are like, 'oh, i love being pregnant!' can suck it. For real.
I think I'm going to write a few blogs based on the fear of literally everything that pregnancy advise websites and books and people in general who have only ever seen a baby once deeply incarcerate into the already overly emotionally overloaded minds of pregnant women everywhere. There's nothing like a good dose of fear to override all rational reaction.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Forsaken, Last Cleveland area haunted house review for 2011
Oh, I am sad. Another fun season of haunted houses is over with. But, it was a good one. Lots of good houses and fun with friends.
This week we went to Forsaken in Mentor. And we had coupons again! Talk about a discounted halloween, I think we had coupons for like half of the houses we went to this year. Score. Anyway...
This one was really good. For a first year haunted house, they have really dumped a lot of money in this one. It's all indoors (even the waiting in line, except for the buying of tickets) and the atmosphere is super awesome from the first step into the houses. It boasts a larger size than it should, saying it's got 30000 sq ft of scariness, but they are counting the big open courtyard where you can mill about, buy snacks or wait in line. It was nice, that at this house you could choose which order you wanted to go into the houses. I think this really helped the flow of people through the houses, instead of corralling people like the herd of cattle to slaughter that they are. We barely had to wait in line at all.
Also, there were lots of actors working and they were all pretty good. The props and decorations were high class, I don't think we saw a production value this high in any other house (though the factory of terror was a close second to atmosphere).
This isn't my favorite of the season but I think we all agreed it was the best house we went to this season, except maybe for Conneaut Lake Park. But that was so far away it lost some points from the crew.
This is a house I hope sticks around, we will be coming again next year!
Forsaken gets 9 out of 10 headless statues.
 |
| And they took our photo for free! |
This week we went to Forsaken in Mentor. And we had coupons again! Talk about a discounted halloween, I think we had coupons for like half of the houses we went to this year. Score. Anyway...
This one was really good. For a first year haunted house, they have really dumped a lot of money in this one. It's all indoors (even the waiting in line, except for the buying of tickets) and the atmosphere is super awesome from the first step into the houses. It boasts a larger size than it should, saying it's got 30000 sq ft of scariness, but they are counting the big open courtyard where you can mill about, buy snacks or wait in line. It was nice, that at this house you could choose which order you wanted to go into the houses. I think this really helped the flow of people through the houses, instead of corralling people like the herd of cattle to slaughter that they are. We barely had to wait in line at all.
Also, there were lots of actors working and they were all pretty good. The props and decorations were high class, I don't think we saw a production value this high in any other house (though the factory of terror was a close second to atmosphere).
This isn't my favorite of the season but I think we all agreed it was the best house we went to this season, except maybe for Conneaut Lake Park. But that was so far away it lost some points from the crew.
This is a house I hope sticks around, we will be coming again next year!
Forsaken gets 9 out of 10 headless statues.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)