And the people were shouting my name

Sucessful party yesterday, even after I destroyed the cake (totally on accident) on the way home from picking it up.  I've learned my lesson.  I also cried about it on my way home.  And at home.  But it was delicious and Asher absolutely loved it so who cares, right?  I bought his Yo Gabba Gabba tickets today for his birthday but the show isn't until September so he will probably be like, omg, another present for me because I'm awesome.  Which is he is so it's okay.  I'll try to get other pics on here, I'm having problems getting them emailed to myself from my phone for some reason.

Asher was so happy when everyone sang happy birthday to him, I asked ry to video it but he didn't, he only took pics, I'm not sure why.

My little boy is two!  :)

come down and waste away with me

My insomnia tastes like cloves and dissatisfaction with my job. The park is empty today, but it's a nice day. I'll be walking anyway.

The beginning of a joke or the quick summary of my boating incident: one ranger, one PhD candidate, one grad student and one undergrad all go out in a boat? you decide.

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Yesterday's brush with death.

Now, I had promised myself yesterday after these events all went down that I would write a blog about how I could have almost died yesterday while doing mundane errands after work.  I promised myself I would think about it and write the story in a super witty and clever way, make it incredibly interesting and nifty. 

I hate it when I break promises to myself.  After it happened I finished my chores, went home and tried to calm down all the extra adrenaline in my system and then went about the normal routine of my life with cooking and care giving a two year old and watching some Game of Thrones with the Davis family.  Not giving thought to how to make this event seem important and cool.  If only I had the sarcastic prose of J. Morrison, Google aficionado.  Or the elegant flow that JJ possesses.  Instead, I write like a vocabulary deficient 13 year old girl telling you how, like, super awesome it is that, like, I'm still alive and, seriously, OMG, you totally won't believe a word but it's seriously like super true and stuff. 

So, without further ado...I need to go make photo copies for work so just hold that thought a moment, will you?

Sorry, that took longer than I thought, although to you it just took one sentence. 

So, after work yesterday I had to run some errands.  I needed to pick up some softener salt for our well water, so I drove a different way home so I could stop by this shop that sells the good salt for a halfway decent price.  I turn right into the parking lot from SR 14 in Streetsboro, turn off my car and am stepping outside when, for no reason I could figure out at all, the power line across the street snaps and jumps, breaking the power line on my side of the street, like 15-20 feet from where I'm standing.

The line falls across the street and the line on my side of the road falls across the entrance to the parking lot and catches on fire while arcing electricity.  It was so loud!  And when I say catches on fire, I mean that the whole line turned into a giant fireball and burned for like 10 seconds. 

While this is happening I run into the shop, it's just a little water shop so it's door is open (no air conditioning I'm assuming) where a pregnant woman and an older man are standing, staring at what is happening with jaw dropping awe.  I was freaking out a little, for if I had stayed at work ten seconds longer or driven behind a slow driver or something the line would have fallen right on my car.  As it was, if the line had decided to jump in my direction I might have been hit anyway. 

We all stand around in awe for like 20 seconds until the line starts to burn into a second fireball.  Then I say, "hey, maybe you guys should call 911?"  They both look at me like I'm stupid so I call it for them.  I just figured they'd have the address or something.  I found it, though.  So I call and tell and they are sending out a firetruck. 

Now, some dude from a business across the street comes out and acts all important, starts stopping traffic so that they don't run over the potentially live wire across the road, and starts directing traffic into the parking lot that I'm parked in, apparently not having seen that the second line fell and was still burning periodically.  So, I yell to him that the line is still hot and he stops, but not before some lady freaks the fuck out after I tell her to stop, the wire is live, but she guns it.  Like traveling over it more quickly will save her.  Lucky for her it didn't electrocute her or combust spontaneously while she drove over it. 

Eventually the wire fireballs itself into little pieces and it's safe for me to drive over (it disconnected from the live wire, which was still zapping and flailing against the power pole when I left) and I left.  The traffic on SR 14 was backed up for miles and miles already.  I felt bad for rush hour commuters yesterday. 

I feel like I should now be living life as if I was given a second chance but I really don't know what to change in my life.  How sad. 

Jarred baby food makes bad parents

So, a post on facebook this morning called me out as being a bad parent.  Because I fed my child jarred baby food instead of making my own.  I guess I bought into the whole consumer trap, you know?  So, you can just put me in line with however other millions of parents feed their baby pre-processed foods for the worst parent of the year award. 

The post started out innocently enough with "Now that I've had myself a handful of babies I just don't see the point in jarred baby food."  See, that isn't so bad.  It's just saying that she prefers to feed her child her own homemade baby food.  No biggie there, right?  Right.  Then it starts to get ugly.  23 comments of ugly to uglier.  I really hate this "better than you" parenting method that people employ anymore.  Especially natural home birthers.  They feel so pretentious and self righteous just because they skipped on modern medicine and an epidural.  And God forbid you ever gave your child formula.  God forbid.  You may as well just give your baby up for adoption now, because if not s/he will end up as a serial killer rapist baby killer one day.  Because you gave them formula. FORMULA!

I do understand why it's better to make your own baby food but honestly, I work a full time job.  Then I come home to a full time job.  I am often really busy and you know, sometimes it was just easier to pull out a jar of baby food and feed him.  And it was def easier for day care to do.  I'm sure I'm a horrible parent because I have my child in pampers instead of cloth diapers (which I did consider heavily), too.  And because he will be two next week and still isn't potty trained. 

Oh, and my stepmom told me that the news said that boys who drank soy formula (if you didn't know, Asher was lactose intolerant and when my milk started to dry at the end of the game I supplemented with formula, about half and half or so) would grow up to be gay.  So I fucked up there, too.  Who knew it was so easy to fuck up your child in so many ways in just two years while all the time you thought you were doing pretty OK?  It was horrible, she just told me and looked at me in the eyes with a sad, knowing look, like, 'oh, you poor thing destined to have a horrible GAY son.  I knew you shouldn't have given him soy formula, even if real formula mixed with your breastmilk made him poop blood.'  Something like that. 

By the way, I told her that if he was gay that I would love him twice as much as I already love him, which would be hard since I really love him as much as I can already, but I would do it extra hard if he were gay. 

Moral of the story, some of us just aren't cut out to be champion breeders.  Oh well.  Asher seems happy enough.  I think that's good.

If suburbia had a flag, it would have a picture of a culdusac.

Here are some pretty awesome ads from an old Batman comic from 1990.  Seriously, these ads are great.  Just read them.  I'll post more awesome old ads if I find them.  I have one for wireless nintendo controllers I want to post later.  I'm seriously gonna look into building my own laser from easy-to-get parts, and even if I don't like the directions from the patent, I'll get free safety regulation decals even if I'm not satisfied!  Score!

And Shark teeth.  I mean, you don't get much cooler than wearing your shark teeth bling around.  Makes you swift and powerful. 

With a plan like this, it's way to slow

look what I made in five minutes.  you can tell it was five minutes, right?  I can.  But I did it in microsoft paint so I wanna see you do better. 

Dream on, people, dream on

I'm gonna cut down on posting for a while to try to force myself to write something worthwhile to post on the internet.  I want to be more creative and I just find this blog becoming a dull and boring random arrangement of words to reflect my dull and boring yet occasionally random life.  So, I'll be back again when I have something interesting to say or when I can be creative. 

He's making a point, and it's very important indeed

This morning I woke up and it's over.  The honeymoon with my body feeling good and feeling good about my self image.  It's over.  I think it's time for a divorce.  And a food diary.  I can't handle it.  I know diets don't work.  So I am going to just try to change how I eat permanently.  And I'm going to try to plan out meals for a week at a time so we don't eat out as much.  I am feeling so fat today. 

I mean, I had been feeling fat lately, anyway, but now it's almost too much.  I hate it.  I can feel this one fat roll all the time.  Gah.  It's horrendous.  I can't stand it. So, I signed up to do a wellness challenge at work and now I'm dieting.  I'm making one exception for myself per week, like a reward, to help me through, you know?  Like, once a week I can eat out and eat whatever I want, but the rest of the week, gonna be a good girl. 

I also want to do this to teach Asher how to eat well.  And because we get all this CSA food and it's awesome and I don't want it to go bad.  I made my chicken last night and it will be lunch box food all week.  I'm having a chicken salad with the CSA stuff for lunch today, chicken and fresh lettuce and tomatoes, a little cheese. 

Not exactly sure what my diet will be, though.  I think, no fried foods.  Lower the amount of processed foods.  Only meat once per day.  No snacky-snacks (sticking to natural snacks like fruits and veggies).  Smaller portions.  Eat breakfast every day.  That's a good start. 

Anyone have a good website that helps you plan your meals out for a week at a time? Maybe one that helps you generate a grocery list as well?

Cause we still love the sex and drugs just like the good old days

Sorry I didn't write yesterday.  It was one of those weird days where I just didn't have the desire to do anything at all.  I can't say it was one of my more productive days.  I don't know why but I've been apathetic about life lately.  I can't seem to shake it, like, I know I have lots of good things in life to live for and do, I just can't get excited or care much at all about them.  I'm thinking it's just hormonal, honestly.  So, this too, shall pass. 

Also, an author I really like just killed off a main love interest in a series I really like.  So that pissed me off and depressed me yesterday, too.  I hate that.  She promises it'll be okay, and just to trust her, but he was a pile of dust.  Not sure how she's gonna jump the shark back from that one.  Oh well.  That's how it goes in these books I read. 

Imagine I wrote something profoundly prolific and amazingly interesting here today.  And then comment on that awesomely prolific blog post (the pretend hypothetical one I didn't actually write) down below.  It'll be more exciting than commenting on what I actually wrote, that's for sure.

So I got a new job, working 9-5, 5 bucks an hour till the day I die

Friends, I have failed.  So, yeah...I told you I'm a toe dipper.  Not an all in jumper.  There's a reason for that.  Yup, I failed yesterday, and after I failed once, I quit for the day.  I realized I was horribly underprepared for this whole adventure. So, I am sad and I didn't do it but I will try again.  One of the problems is a giant strawberry Cassata cake in my fridge.  It's a birthday cassata cake, too.  How can I not eat my birthday Cassata cake?  It would be an affront to the gifter who gave it to me.  I would never insult someone who made me a strawberry cassata cake in that way.

And everything, and I mean practically everything, has gluten in it.  I was trying to figure out what to have for lunch and here's my thought process:  Sandwich?  no.  Taco bell?  probably not.  Chicken nuggets?  def no.  Salad?  I don't want salad.  Noodles?  Sure!

What is wrong with me, I thought after eating Mary Yoder's noodles over mashed potatoes.  Which wasn't even that good.  And I was listening to a podcast on overbred mice with tumors.  Maybe that's why it didn't taste so good?  Probably not.  As I was half way through it dawned on me that noodles are made from flour which is gluten.  Stupid stupid stupid.  So, yeah.  Stupid.  But I kept eating, I mean, I was already in it and I had already paid so, what the hell, right? Right.  *Shakes head in disappointment*

Anyway...I'm so disappointed in myself, I am, but...I'll try again.  Just not today.

I had this written much more nicely in my head this morning but when I sat down to write it, *poof*, all gone from my head.  It's so sad. 

Anyway indeed.

I don't speak German

So, today starts my "way to ruin summer for everyone around you" diet.  Or, a nicer way to say it, my exclusion diet.  I need to figure out what is giving me stomach troubles every week.  So, you know, I'm not usually one to just jump in, I'm much more of a toe dipper, but this time I'm jumping in.  I'm starting with gluten.  So, wish me luck.  I think it's gonna be harder than I imagined orginially but...I'll let you know. 

Just made it to the half way point on my 5o book challenge this year.  I'm way behind on it (I mean, for how far I normally am) at this point because I've been reading a lot manga and comics lately and I don't count those as acutally counting. 

Suprise, you're dead! Ha, ha hahah.

Heya.  Thanks to everyone who played a part in my suprise 3oth birthday party.  It was awesome.  Rachel took me out to lunch to get me out of the house so my bro, martin and ry could start prepping for it and then a bunch of my friends and family helped out and made it really awesome.  So, I apologize for the super short blog update (cause I'm dead tired), but thank you all for such an awesome party.  Guess who didn't get any pictures of the party at all?  Bet you can't guess.  Sorry about that. 

Anyway, I do have to say this is probably the best 3oth birthday party I'll ever have.  Okay, it's probably one of the best birthdays I've ever had.  Honestly, I mean with this and a whole birthday week in California?  I've been spoiled.  It's nice to know how much I mean to my friends and family.   Thanks guys. 

Enough with the sappyjess.  Tomorrow will be back to normal. 

Living the dream if you know what I mean

So, you know you have a two year old if you find yourself singing Blues Clues or Yo Gabba Gabba clues even after listening to real music on the radio. Yo Gabba Gabba live show is coming to the Akron Civic, tickets go on sale Monday, I just found out about it.  I need to see if I can get some tickets!  I think it would give Asher an excitement heart attack.  A good birthday present, right?  Maybe.

Speaking of birthday presents...I got a molecular gastronomy starter kit from Asher for my birthday yesterday.  Guess who's gonna be making fruit spaghetti, molecular eggs and honey cavier soon?  Wanna come play in my kitchen/lab?

I wanna f*ck a government hooker

The new Lady Gaga album rocks.  That's all I'm gonna say about it.

So another day in California.  My birthday.  It was pretty awesome.  I got a massage from Jason and Ann for my birthday at Massage Envy. It was pretty awesome.  I was super allergy-tastic, though, so I dripped snot while I was laying on my stomach.  It's gross but instead of saying something and ruining my relaxation I just ignored it.  Cause I'm gross like that.  And now you all know that, too.  And you may ask why I chose to share that with the world?  It's because I love you all that much.  That's all.

Then we went to a Chinese place for lunch and then a pet store with a huge ass fish that scared Asher right as you walked in. 

Later that afternoon (after naps) we went to this place that has trampolines for walls and floors.  We didn't take pictures here because we were way to busy wrangling children from getting stepped on or jumped into but it was super duper awesomely fun.  There was a giant foam pit you could jump into as well, it was the kid's favorite place.  You pay by the hour and we bought one hour but none of us could jump that long.  Asher got so tired he just laid down on the trampoline and asked to go home after a while.  It was cute.  And yes, I did play DDR afterwards, even though I was so tired.  It was my birthday so I had to make the most of it.

Also, Ann made a peach strawberry rhubarb pie for my birthday that put me into a deep Birthday Bliss.  It was superb. 

A pretty good 30th bday, even though I hate to admit I'm that old.