Hmm...I'm having guilt issues again. I wish my family didn't demand my guilt on a regular basis. I'm trying really hard not to feel guilty about this kind of stuff but I just can't help it sometimes, I've been trained from an early age to take the guilt over other people's issues and problems. You have to admit, I'm pretty darn good at it, too. I guess everyone is good at something.
I've got pretty much nothing else that doesn't sound petty and whiny, and so I'll spare you the details on that. I think I need some sunshine and no snow soon, it's making me constantly tired and occasionally depressed and self pitying. I think some outside time without 3 feet of snow with an ice crust to make walking in impossible (trust me, I know this for a fact after a 1 hour hike through the woods with an Amish guy yesterday) would be a nice change.
I'm thinking about going to get a spa treatment or something but I'm a little nervous, I don't really know what goes into a spa treatment and I wish I had a girlfriend here who would want to go with me, it'd be more fun with two, right? Like a girls bonding day? I don't know. Anyway, have a great day, would ya?
Oh, by the way, the Closure video (from Dommin) just came out recently, check it out below. If you watch and pause it at 3:09 you will see an angry Martin standing dead center. I made him go, and of course you can't see me standing to the right of him, I'm too damn short. But, he went (because Birthday Massacre was the headline and who wouldn't want to see them?) and got to be in their video. Damn his luck. Oh well, still a good song and good video (not my favorite by them but still good).
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
I never fight to see if coming clean would get to me
I'm thinking about sharing a story with you today. Something from my childhood. Might be boring, sorry if it is.
So, it was one of my dad's weekends to have us over. We were driving some piece of shit car, if I remember it correctly it was an old cop car, a Crown Victoria (when we got it it still had the wire between the front and back seats and the back doors didn't have door handles on the insides), and it overheated and barely made it to my Aunt's house in Cleveland. She lived in a pretty bad neighborhood at that time, I remember a vacant lot behind her house filled with trash, broken bottles and needles. It was awesome. Don't get me wrong, this is probably my favorite aunt we are talking about, she was just not in a great place at that time. Where she lives now is a pretty nice neighborhood.
Oh, and I should preface this and say that my brother was probably four years old so that would make me about ten years old.
Anyway, we get to my aunt's house and hang out for a bit. Then it's time for my dad to get us home to my mom's house before the visitation curfew. He had tried half-assedly to fix our car but it wouldn't start at all. So, my aunt's husband at the time let us borrow his old Lincoln Towncar. Oh, did I mention we had our half breed german shepard Bear with us at the time, too? Big old dog. So, yes, we borrow my Uncle's Lincoln Towncar with soft velvety seats and power windows. This was a time when power windows were a luxury. At first I was so excited.
I think I failied to mention so far here, too, that my dad had been drinking non-stop for pretty much years before this. At this point in my life my dad was very depressed an undiagnosed (like currently) and had pretty much replaced all food and water with Gennesse beer. So...yeah, just keep that in mind for the car ride home.
My dad gets on the highway and he decides that it's a great time for me to learn how to drive a car. I'm going to need to know how to do it one day, he reasons with me, why not start today?
Now, I've always been a goodie-goodie and I've always been afraid to break the rules. (this is after my early childhood foray into breaking into cars and stealing stuff out of them with the neighborhood gang and after getting kidnapped once and almost getting kidnapped a second more scary time). So, I adamently argue with my father and he is swerving all over the road. I decide that the floor of the back seat is the best place to hide from my dad and his horrible driving, sure we are all going to die in a horribly fire explosion style 85 mile per hour luxury version death machine. He yells at me for a good five minutes and then remembers my brother is in the car.
"Michael, you're a man, right? A bigger man than your sister?" my father taunted me with, "come here, daddy will teach you how to drive. Since you aren't tall enough I'll work the breaks and gas for you." My brother was too young to know the consequences. He thought it was great fun, and I'm sure it was for him. I was so scared and upset, curled into a ball on the floor mats in the back behind the passenger seat, that I thought I would throw up. It also didn't help that a four year old drives a car like a freaking pinball machine with a broken tilt sensor. I seriously thought I was going to die. I don't know how we didn't get pulled over.
Finally we get to Streetsboro and we go to McDonald's for dinner. Unfortunatly for us, the Cheech and Chong radio bit about going through the drive thru was just on 97.5, my dad's favorite radio station, and he thought it would be hilarious to pull the radio prank on the McDonald's Drivethru. You know the one. (I tried to find it on youtube but I suck and don't know what it's called specifically, I could only find inaccurate spoofs that weren't even funny.)
Anyway, my dad pretends that he can't understand what the guy in the speaker is saying (you can understand him fine but the point was he was doing the cheech and chong skit where the box is just fuzzy and they keep having to repeat the order, 'cheeseburger, onion rings, large orange drink' over and over again. Well, the kid at the drive thru eventually has enough and tells my dad to pull forward after arguing with him that McDonald's does not serve onion rings and that they don't have orange pop, will a Coke suffice or does he want sprite? We pull up to the window and the kid has given us 8 orders of everything, 8 cheeseburgers, 8 large fries and 8 large pops in various flavors. And my dad, the jackass he was, still pretends he can't understand what the kid is saying, hands him a $20 and drives off.
He throws a cheeseburger on the seat next to me, for good measure.
Yeah. This is one of the reasons I didn't even have a sip of alcohol until my wedding.
So, it was one of my dad's weekends to have us over. We were driving some piece of shit car, if I remember it correctly it was an old cop car, a Crown Victoria (when we got it it still had the wire between the front and back seats and the back doors didn't have door handles on the insides), and it overheated and barely made it to my Aunt's house in Cleveland. She lived in a pretty bad neighborhood at that time, I remember a vacant lot behind her house filled with trash, broken bottles and needles. It was awesome. Don't get me wrong, this is probably my favorite aunt we are talking about, she was just not in a great place at that time. Where she lives now is a pretty nice neighborhood.
Oh, and I should preface this and say that my brother was probably four years old so that would make me about ten years old.
Anyway, we get to my aunt's house and hang out for a bit. Then it's time for my dad to get us home to my mom's house before the visitation curfew. He had tried half-assedly to fix our car but it wouldn't start at all. So, my aunt's husband at the time let us borrow his old Lincoln Towncar. Oh, did I mention we had our half breed german shepard Bear with us at the time, too? Big old dog. So, yes, we borrow my Uncle's Lincoln Towncar with soft velvety seats and power windows. This was a time when power windows were a luxury. At first I was so excited.
I think I failied to mention so far here, too, that my dad had been drinking non-stop for pretty much years before this. At this point in my life my dad was very depressed an undiagnosed (like currently) and had pretty much replaced all food and water with Gennesse beer. So...yeah, just keep that in mind for the car ride home.
My dad gets on the highway and he decides that it's a great time for me to learn how to drive a car. I'm going to need to know how to do it one day, he reasons with me, why not start today?
Now, I've always been a goodie-goodie and I've always been afraid to break the rules. (this is after my early childhood foray into breaking into cars and stealing stuff out of them with the neighborhood gang and after getting kidnapped once and almost getting kidnapped a second more scary time). So, I adamently argue with my father and he is swerving all over the road. I decide that the floor of the back seat is the best place to hide from my dad and his horrible driving, sure we are all going to die in a horribly fire explosion style 85 mile per hour luxury version death machine. He yells at me for a good five minutes and then remembers my brother is in the car.
"Michael, you're a man, right? A bigger man than your sister?" my father taunted me with, "come here, daddy will teach you how to drive. Since you aren't tall enough I'll work the breaks and gas for you." My brother was too young to know the consequences. He thought it was great fun, and I'm sure it was for him. I was so scared and upset, curled into a ball on the floor mats in the back behind the passenger seat, that I thought I would throw up. It also didn't help that a four year old drives a car like a freaking pinball machine with a broken tilt sensor. I seriously thought I was going to die. I don't know how we didn't get pulled over.
Finally we get to Streetsboro and we go to McDonald's for dinner. Unfortunatly for us, the Cheech and Chong radio bit about going through the drive thru was just on 97.5, my dad's favorite radio station, and he thought it would be hilarious to pull the radio prank on the McDonald's Drivethru. You know the one. (I tried to find it on youtube but I suck and don't know what it's called specifically, I could only find inaccurate spoofs that weren't even funny.)
Anyway, my dad pretends that he can't understand what the guy in the speaker is saying (you can understand him fine but the point was he was doing the cheech and chong skit where the box is just fuzzy and they keep having to repeat the order, 'cheeseburger, onion rings, large orange drink' over and over again. Well, the kid at the drive thru eventually has enough and tells my dad to pull forward after arguing with him that McDonald's does not serve onion rings and that they don't have orange pop, will a Coke suffice or does he want sprite? We pull up to the window and the kid has given us 8 orders of everything, 8 cheeseburgers, 8 large fries and 8 large pops in various flavors. And my dad, the jackass he was, still pretends he can't understand what the kid is saying, hands him a $20 and drives off.
He throws a cheeseburger on the seat next to me, for good measure.
Yeah. This is one of the reasons I didn't even have a sip of alcohol until my wedding.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Ah, bang bang bang, beautiful and dirty rich
I really don't have much today. You got a post from me yesterday. A freebie.
I've got a sense of peace with the world today. I'm not sure if it's because I'm pretty tired and I'm moving in a slow motion dream sequence this morning, if it's from the two pieces of Boston Market cornbread I had for breakfast or if it's just because everything is right and well in the world. Maybe a combination of all of the above? Oh, and some early morning Postal Service (I know my blog title is lady gaga, not The Postal Service, but it was in my head when I started typing). I guess that's how to be at peace with the world. Or something.
I'm planning the Pirate vs Ninja party. It's in my mind. I want to do it, and soon. I'm feeling a bit tired of snow and cold and I want to do something fun outside. I was thinking about building/hijacking (in the true nature of the pirate I secretly am) a boat to turn into an awesome pirate ship for my party. I have plans for the future, I guess they're futuristic plans. It's gonna rock. I just need to pick a date. Maybe the beginning of May? May Day? Hahaha, apparently a sense of peace is kind of giving me free reign with bad puns and stupidity. Oh well. I need to get to work. Well, I should get to work. Maybe I will. It's just so cold outside.
I guess the sample isn't gonna get itself. Not today. Not ever. Lone Ranger, signing off.
I've got a sense of peace with the world today. I'm not sure if it's because I'm pretty tired and I'm moving in a slow motion dream sequence this morning, if it's from the two pieces of Boston Market cornbread I had for breakfast or if it's just because everything is right and well in the world. Maybe a combination of all of the above? Oh, and some early morning Postal Service (I know my blog title is lady gaga, not The Postal Service, but it was in my head when I started typing). I guess that's how to be at peace with the world. Or something.
I'm planning the Pirate vs Ninja party. It's in my mind. I want to do it, and soon. I'm feeling a bit tired of snow and cold and I want to do something fun outside. I was thinking about building/hijacking (in the true nature of the pirate I secretly am) a boat to turn into an awesome pirate ship for my party. I have plans for the future, I guess they're futuristic plans. It's gonna rock. I just need to pick a date. Maybe the beginning of May? May Day? Hahaha, apparently a sense of peace is kind of giving me free reign with bad puns and stupidity. Oh well. I need to get to work. Well, I should get to work. Maybe I will. It's just so cold outside.
I guess the sample isn't gonna get itself. Not today. Not ever. Lone Ranger, signing off.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
I know there's better brothers but you're the only one that's mine
So, i had this dream this morning after Bear woke up but before I got up to get him out of bed and it just proves my subconscious thinks I'm a bad mother.
So, apparently I work at the Streetsboro Walmart and I'm way late to work. I run in, clock in and run a register for about an hour when I realize that I NEED to go out to my car for some reason, but I don't remember why. I tell my boss (who was this kid I went to high school with but never worked for) that I need to take my break and he lets me. I run outside (I've been working for like an hour and a half by this point) and get to my car which was parked in the way back of the parking lot. I find Bear sitting in the driver's seat. He unbuckled himself out of the car seat and climbed into the driver's seat where he loves to be. He smiles really big at me which makes me feel even worse as a mother for forgetting my child in the car and him forgiving me, being HAPPY to see the horrible mother who left her child in the car in the winter for a long time. So I freak out and open the door and he's panting like a dog. I realize that he was gonna suffocate in the car because I am such a bad mother.
So, apparently I work at the Streetsboro Walmart and I'm way late to work. I run in, clock in and run a register for about an hour when I realize that I NEED to go out to my car for some reason, but I don't remember why. I tell my boss (who was this kid I went to high school with but never worked for) that I need to take my break and he lets me. I run outside (I've been working for like an hour and a half by this point) and get to my car which was parked in the way back of the parking lot. I find Bear sitting in the driver's seat. He unbuckled himself out of the car seat and climbed into the driver's seat where he loves to be. He smiles really big at me which makes me feel even worse as a mother for forgetting my child in the car and him forgiving me, being HAPPY to see the horrible mother who left her child in the car in the winter for a long time. So I freak out and open the door and he's panting like a dog. I realize that he was gonna suffocate in the car because I am such a bad mother.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Staring at the Situation
I have to work a double today. Joy. 16 hours of good old AWS. And it's freezing out. And I mean, freezing. Like, so cold your nose hairs freeze. That cold. I'm so cold. And only 15.5 hours of freezing left to do! Yup.
Can you tell I'm pretty motivated to do my job today? Yup, pretty motivated.
So, I had to go get lab samples this morn because they are shorthanded. Let me just tell you about getting water samples in, oh , wait, let me check the temperature right now, it's 9 degrees F. So, you can wear gloves, right? The samples are raw water that is below freezing point but hasn't frozen yet because we keep it moving. Moving water doesn't freeze as fast or ever if you can keep it moving. That's the key. Anyway. So, if you wear gloves they will get wet (wet means cold, red, broken fingers). If you wear rubber gloves (medical or the big black dish washing looking like gloves even) over your gloves it feels as if you have no gloves on at all, even though your gloves stay dry you fingers still end up cold red and broken. You can wear the big puffy super insulated gloves but then you can't feel what you're doing and you spill the sample all over your clothes, which is by far much worse. So, you end up with bright red painful fingers for half an hour after you have collected your samples. I need to find better gloves. Such is my life. I can't wait for 40 degree days again.
Can you tell I'm pretty motivated to do my job today? Yup, pretty motivated.
So, I had to go get lab samples this morn because they are shorthanded. Let me just tell you about getting water samples in, oh , wait, let me check the temperature right now, it's 9 degrees F. So, you can wear gloves, right? The samples are raw water that is below freezing point but hasn't frozen yet because we keep it moving. Moving water doesn't freeze as fast or ever if you can keep it moving. That's the key. Anyway. So, if you wear gloves they will get wet (wet means cold, red, broken fingers). If you wear rubber gloves (medical or the big black dish washing looking like gloves even) over your gloves it feels as if you have no gloves on at all, even though your gloves stay dry you fingers still end up cold red and broken. You can wear the big puffy super insulated gloves but then you can't feel what you're doing and you spill the sample all over your clothes, which is by far much worse. So, you end up with bright red painful fingers for half an hour after you have collected your samples. I need to find better gloves. Such is my life. I can't wait for 40 degree days again.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Now we can swim every day in November
So, yeah, sorry about yesterday's lazy post. I just didn't have anything to really talk about or anything and I was kinda mind dead from moving and arranging data for a new project I'm working on. That kind of work is really mind numbing, for sure.
Not that I have much more to talk about today. The half inch of ice in my driveway this morning was nice. Gonna play Dnd tonight, that will be fun. Also, probably gonna go for margaritas and $1 tacos from Marcelitas around the block from my house. How can you say no to $1 tacos? Just try. Espceially since they aren't from Taco Bell. I can say no to 99 cent tacos all day long. Except when I'm craving those disgustingly greasy-yummy excuses for Mexican cuisine.
I have a headache that I got yesterday afternoon that won't go away. I think it's waiting for me to make it the 'morning after breakfast' but I just want it to go away and so we are in that weird awkward (boy, that is a weird word, isn't it? awkward? weird) standoff where we both just stand in the kitchen and look at everything other than each other and wait hopefully that the other will just give up first. It's a standoff. I'm hoping I will win, I have a secret weapon, two ibuprofen that I ingested when the headache wasn't looking. Ha!
We will see who's laughing last.
Not that I have much more to talk about today. The half inch of ice in my driveway this morning was nice. Gonna play Dnd tonight, that will be fun. Also, probably gonna go for margaritas and $1 tacos from Marcelitas around the block from my house. How can you say no to $1 tacos? Just try. Espceially since they aren't from Taco Bell. I can say no to 99 cent tacos all day long. Except when I'm craving those disgustingly greasy-yummy excuses for Mexican cuisine.
I have a headache that I got yesterday afternoon that won't go away. I think it's waiting for me to make it the 'morning after breakfast' but I just want it to go away and so we are in that weird awkward (boy, that is a weird word, isn't it? awkward? weird) standoff where we both just stand in the kitchen and look at everything other than each other and wait hopefully that the other will just give up first. It's a standoff. I'm hoping I will win, I have a secret weapon, two ibuprofen that I ingested when the headache wasn't looking. Ha!
We will see who's laughing last.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
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