manditory vacation, day two.

Here we are again on the road. We will be driving every single day of our trip, much to Ashers dismay. He's not so fond of all the driving, which i cannot say I blame him for being so.

Asher watching Yo Gabba on our trip down

We arrived in Newport KY around midnight on wednesday night and tried to tuck our sleeping child into bed. Unfortunately he wasnt very asleep (he refused to sleep for 3 of the 4 hour drive...) so he woke up and freaked out because he didnt know where we were. So he slept fitfully in bed with me. Some things I learned about sleeping in the same bed as a fitful toddler: he doesnt share the blankets, he doesnt respect the invisble line demarking sides of the bed and he has to sleep with some type of body contactg at all times. So we both got poor sleep at best. But somehow asher was full of energy and ready to rock and roll at quarter to seven so we let daddy sleep a bit and went to get breakfast, cause we are considerate like that.



Food at Tom and Chee...



After showering and breaking fast we rode these cute little trolley car shuttle buses to the Newport aquarium, where we had a great time just running all over the aquarium in an excited spasm of fish viewing esctacy. They had a really cool otter exhibit and then we walked through this room where you could feed lorikeets. A lady was done feeding them and gave asher her cup of nectar (cause we are too cheap as parents i suppose) and asher got to feed them, when im not on my phone ill post the pics so you can see, too. Apparentky my hair looks like a flower or something because i got divebombed and then pooped (or peed or spit on, the volunteer said it could have been any of those options) on. So that was awesome.

After the aquarium we went and ate at this place called Tom and Chee, a pretty good and cheap toasted cheese restaraunt. The aquarium was in a little place similar to crocker park or legacy village in cleveland.

Momma and Asher swimming

Then we went back to the hotel room, momma and daddy in dire need of a nap, asher wired like a crack addict. Needless to say, after almost an hour of futility and dreams of baby shaking, momma let daddy stay in the room and we went swimming in the pool. It was pretty fun, momma likes swimming. I dont think my workout is being effective, i still look like a chubbsy-wubbsy. Oh well.

We went to this really cool park both last night and today that is right along the Ohio river. There was a little concrete waterway replica of the ohio river, a piano we played, a pretty cool riverboat playground and lots of nice places to get close to the river. It was so hot, though, and there were all these booths that promised to sell hawaiian shaved ice but they were all closed. I would have paid a lot for shaved ice, damn them.

And so, after spending a hot sweaty morning on the playground we are on the road again. I managed to avoid eating skyline chili so far, hopefully i can keep up the record.

Porkopolis indeed...makes Asher happy.

Next stop, middle of nowhere kentucky for a friday night wedding.

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I lie, I wait, I stop, I hesitate

So, a few life lessons were learned yesterday.  One is that expensive smart phones should not be cleaned in the washing machine, even on the 'delicates' setting. 

My phone really wanted to try it, though.  I said, no, phone, you are just barely 2 months old and I really don't think you are dirty, I've been so careful with you.  But my phone, my dearly departed phone, it said that there are certain things you can't unhear and it would prefer to take the risk of death just so that it could feel clean again.  And then the plunge was taken, and it was too late.  I tried to stop it, mostly because I still owe money on it for another two months.  It's not even like I was utilizing its full potential, I mean, the most exciting thing I did with my phone was words with friends.  And we all know how exciting that can be.  My poor phone, no wonder it didn't want to live anymore.  I should have seen the signs that it had suicidal tendencies.  I should have tried harder to save it, like not throwing it into the washing machine at all.  I should have let it play me hi-def movies.  It never got to play a hi-def movie.   

When Ry came home he tried to do vacuum to waterlogged phone resuscitation to no avail, and now the phone corpse is buried in pieces inside a clear vault of instant rice. 

This all happened because I was trying to multitask.  I feel that the older I get, the worse I get at multitasking, i just forget stupid things.  Like where I put my cellphone.

So, my life lessons:
-Never listen to a suicidal smart phone.  Sometimes they can be too smart for their own good. 
-Only do one or two things at a time, cause any more than that and you become a dysfunctional mess.
-crying like your cat got run over because you ruined a phone that cost an entire week's paycheck is no way to go through life.
-I'm pretty good at wrapping wedding gifts.

Shadow Puppets, most cliched horror movie ever?

No, it's probably not but it really wanted to be.

Last night Ry and I watched Shadow Puppets on Hulu.  It was on a whim, we felt like watching a movie and I was dead from my workout anyway, so after we put Bear to bed we put on this film.  Actually, Ry picked it because we played a dungeons and dragons Halloween campaign with a similar plot line about 5 or 6 years back. 

So, we start out with a girl waking up in a room screaming.  She's about the worst actress I've ever seen in a horror movie, too, which says a lot, because I've seen a lot of horror movies and I've seen a lot of horrible actresses.  Her first five minutes of walking around like a freaking moron sum up her amazing acting abilities that you will see throughout the movie, as she is the lead.  Anyway, I'm not here to give you a play by play of the movie.  I'm here to give you a list of the cliches that were rampant in this movie.

List of cliches (not necessarily in order of appearance in movie) and be warned some of these are spoilers...:

-black chick is a bitch
-first black dude you meet is a maniac
-maniacal black dude ends up sobbing just because he freaked out because he was scared
-maniacal black dude dies first, and quickly
-main character is mostly clueless the whole time, even though she's a doctor which implies a certain amount of intelligence
-crazy white girl
-naked crazy white girl
-naked crazy white girl is a super model
-guy who looks like a nerd ends up being a computer programmer
-nerdy white guy hacks the computer system to escape
-crazy white girl dies in a swimming pool
-(supposedly) attractive white guy is the 'badass' of the group
-second black guy we find is a convict
-black convict guy isn't as bad of a guy as he acts
-black convict guy dies, too
-black convict guy isn't actually dead yet and helps save others before he dies for real
-attractive white guy is a lawyer
-attractive white guy is now a doctor
-attractive white guy is now a doctor who is the crazy bad guy (but not the monster)
-monster of movie starts out ambiguous but then they can't help themselves, they have to show it to you and it just looks cheesy.
-over explanation of the plot
-Monster was product of science gone wrong
-black chick dies in a stupid way
-nerd wins the day
-sunlight kills the monster
-white chicks scream when they wake up, always
-wearing only your under ware protects you from monsters


Okay, I know the last one isn't a cliche for horror movies but it seems to be true (mostly) so I added it in there. 

The movie wasn't horrible.  In fact, there were some interesting parts of it.  My problems with this movie are that:

A: don't over explain it.  Sometimes it's okay for people not to know what's going on, it makes it scarier that way. Once you really explained it, then explained it again just so you know the dumb ass doctor chick could understand it without making it look like you wanted us retards at home to really get it, it just got super cheesy and kinda ridiculous. 

B: It had the dumbest ending.  Stupid ending.  Worst ending ever.  Well, maybe not ever but pretty horrible ending.  Really?  Really. 

C:  So many horror movie cliches.  Ry and I spent time guessing what was going to happen because it was so cliched. 

Here's the trailer if you want to watch it.  It actually looks worse than the movie was...


 

If you feel like a tourist in the town that you live in

God it's so hot out.  So hot.  I think I discovered something that most people already know, you know, I need to find these things out the hard way.  But, if you go in and out of air conditioning into temperatures of 95 degrees with 50% humidity, well, it makes you feel like crap where as if you are just driving around with the windows down, well, you don't feel nearly as bad.  Actually, I felt pretty good yesterday. 

And I think I mentioned I was doing the beach body insanity workout, well, it's going well.  I guess.  I mean, I had a rocky start in the beginning, mostly because it's really hard and I'm a bit of a wimp.  But it's been 8 workouts so far and I'm gonna do my 9th today, and I think I've finally found my pace.  Finding your pace in this workout (or any, I guess) is pretty important, now I know what I can and can't do and I can pace myself so that I don't get over tired and quit before the workout is over.  I'm feeling a bit more skinny (well, not skinny so much as just not so plump, maybe a tad bit more muscular), and I've lost 2 lbs so far.  So that's good.  Also, I can feel that my stamina is increasing so that is super awesome, too.  I'm probably going to miss a few workouts next week with us going to Cincinnati and then Kentucky for Jakey's wedding next weekend so hopefully it doesn't super mess me up.  Maybe I'll try to bring it with me and do it in the hotel?  We will see...

Anyway...gonna go to see what my local borders has in their closeout deals today, I'll chat with you all later.

The Line Between, a short story.

There was a time before this, what we have now.  This separation of Church and State.  At least, that's what I've heard.  I don't know if I believe it, though.  It's always been like this, with Church on the one side of me and State on the other.  The line that I work, the only place where there is no Church and there is no State, is a place of absolute grey, The Line Between.  A place of paperwork and red tape, of taking vows and rescinding them. 

The State is a drab place, all black and brown and other colors of emotional repression and absolute unconditional black and white justice. In the State the laws are the laws of man, made without emotion, pure justice for all.  Absolute law.  A jury of your peers is always available to judge you for any matter, big or small, and the streets are curfewed diligently.  Crime is low and murder is unheard of, mostly because nobody is allowed to talk about.  Justice is a cruel mistress.

 The Church is flamboyant, colored in blues and reds and yellows to hide the shame of a missed prayer or a wayward glance.  Emotion and God preside and reside heavily in daily life.  Prayers are offered, sheep are sacrificed, and bibles are continually thumped to the rhythm of The One True God's beating heart.  There is no law save the law of God, which can be translated differently depending on the crime and who might have committed it.  And God forbid anyone to commit a crime against religion, for God does not forgive, for The One True God is not a forgiving God, not as much as anyone would have you believe.

Blue Chapter 1 part 2

The first thing she noticed after her grand entrance into Swallin Realty was that the air conditioning was way, way too cold. She had instant goose bumps. Great, she thought, now I’m gonna have to shave my legs again, too, as she felt the goose bumps line her bare legs. She wasn’t sure that this day could get any worse.


And then when she saw who her father meant by ‘them’, her day got even worse. It was Dick Swallin, James’s son. He was not someone who she was expecting to see; rather he was someone she avoided at all costs. This wasn’t really a challenge, she hardly ever spoke to her father’s friend since she had moved out of the house a few years ago, considerably cutting down the amount of time she had to spend with Dick. Their parents usually threw them together in what she could only assume were attempts to make them friends, it was something that Lucy wanted nothing to do with.

First of all, Lucy had a hard time with anyone who wanted to call themselves Dick. His name was Richard, he could have picked Rick or Richie or Rich but, no, he wanted to go by Dick. He was the exact type of person who went by Dick as well, over confident and brash, pushy and strong willed. She did not get along well with people who always assumed they were the most important person in the room. By calling himself Dick she assumed he was trying to make people feel uncomfortable around him, giving himself the upper hand in any situation. He made her feel uncomfortable just by existing in the same room as her.

Blue, Chapter 1 part 1

Some of you may have read this already, I decided to post the chapters of the story I've written so far on my blog for the next couple of posts.  Hopefully you enjoy. 


Chapter 1, Entrances


Lucy was late, lost and strangely enough, laughing. It was something she did, the laughing, when she was frustrated or upset. She figured that at least it beat crying, which was what she did when she was angry. She was hoping this whole situation would be incredibly funny to her later; her hysterical laughing was just a preamble. It really wasn’t funny, though, and try as she might she had a feeling that there would be nothing funny in the recall about this later, either.

She was looking for a door, one that she was incredibly late in finding. The door belonged to her father’s best friend and sometimes business associate, James Swallin. It was supposedly located as a side door of his business, Swallin and Assoc Realty Co, which Lucy was struggling to find.

All of this is tearing us apart

You know, it bothers me when people are afraid to (or just don't for some reason) tell me when they are upset with me.  I'm really not fond of the passive agressive method, often I really don't notice that it's even happening, I just have way too much going on in my life catch every hurt feeling and innuendo.  I really don't like it if you are upset with me and I think I go out of my way usually to make everyone happy.  So why wouldn't you tell me if you are upset with me?  It's easier for me to work things out with people if I know why they are upset and if they are upset with me or in general. 

Let's make a promise right now, okay?  If you are mad or upset with me for any reason, please just call me and let's talk about it, okay?  Don't hold it in and fester about it or let it bother you that I don't care.  I do care.  And you should know that by now.

I'm burning up, somebody put some water on me

I woke up in the middle of the night last night to the smell of garlic fried chicken with the overwhelming fear that the wall was falling down on me.  I spent a few minutes holding the wall up and trying to figure out where the fried garlic chicken was until I figured out I was dreaming/lucid and that the wall would indeed still be erect even if I took my hands away and that it's just absurd for someone to have snuck into my room and put garlic chicken on my bedstand while I slept.  Eventually I worked up the nerve to go to the bathroom even though I had an overwhelming fear that the person who put the chicken in my room was waiting for me.  Now I'm just waiting for someone to fess up, come on guys, who put the chicken in my room?.

You know what else is dumb?  I just now (after I typed it) figured out that 'fess up' is a slang term derived from the word 'confess'.  Yes, a late bloomer.

Don't you think, this time, one day...

Made a new list at 8tracks.com.  I'd like you to check it out if you'd like.  It's a short list of Mike Patton's most chill tracks.  I'm in love with him, I swear to god.  Just check it out, I know you'll like it.  How can you not like Mike Patton?  I mean, seriously?  By the way, thanks to Dave for getting me some of the stuff I didn't have.  You're the best.  Hopefully you like my mix. 

This fire grows higher

So, I beat the new Alice game over the weekend.  I really really liked it, despite what the reviews said.  It was fun and challenging and very graphically nice (some parts were pretty disturbing).  My favorite costumes were the steampunk level (Mad Hatter level) and the goth outfit (Red Queen level).  The best and creepiest part of the game is when she is committed to the Asylum again.

It has made me thinking about Lewis Carroll.  Which made me sad.  He spent his time thinking up logic and math puzzles.  I spend my time thinking about, well, dumb stuff, I guess.  It's sad.  It goes to show the difference of mental acumen that some people have and others don't.  I'm not a great thinker.  I think I knew this already but, you know, know I know it again. 

I was researching puzzle games for my Gamma game last night and I found this puzzle, I really like it.  I seriously had to cheat to figure it out, though, which makes me sad.  I also didn't have a whole lot of time to think about it so...that's my excuse. 

I'm getting ready to start a work out program with Ann all the way across the country.  I'm intimidated already.  Something about beach bodies (which I've never had) and something else about insanity.  Any workout program that uses insanity in it's title is already very intimidating.  But, I'm gonna try it and maybe I'll keep you posted.

We have got it made like ice cream topped with honey

I don't really have much to say today but I still felt like writing.  I need a new book, I'm almost finished with mine.  I'm looking for good  suggestions, sci-fi, fantasy, urban fantasy/romance, quirky or funny, something along those lines. 

I'm gonna try to write something that's been in my head for a little while, I don't know if I can or not.  If I do, I'll post it, but it's urban fantasy so it's not for everyone and it probably won't be any good.  Oh well.  I was thinking about posting my 9 chapters from the book I once tried to write.  Maybe I will.  I'm gonna think about it today.  I even had the chapters proofed.  Maybe by posting them I'll get back into writing them, although the story that's been in my head lately is not for that one. 

I had a dream that I found a job in Maui and we moved there.  Now I really want to go.  After I woke up I really felt that we had to go there, like it was what was supposed to happen.  Could I live on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean?  Yes, I think I could. 

We'll make some noise we'll wake the dead.

So, the date for Zombipocalypse 2011 has been set, Sept 24th.  It's gonna be awesome.  Seriously.  I'm currently accepting recipes for zombie themed foods and decorations and I'm also accepting any zombie related songs that aren't on the list already.  See below for the current updated  list so far (sorry if I'm missing something you told me to put on there and it's not on there yet, leave it in the comments).  Also, if you have any of these songs please let me know in the comments so I don't have to purchase them all, I can just borrow them from you for the party. 

I also have been wanting to film a short zombie spaghetti western.  Anyone want to help or have any suggestions?  Like a five minute video, something for youtubes or whatever, but I just have been wanting to do it. 

Zombie playlist songs:

Johnathan Coltrain, Re:your brain
Horrorpops, Walk like a zombie
Roky Erickson and the Aliens, I walked with the Zombie
Nudist Colony of the Dead
Return of the Loving Dead - Nekromantix
The Priscillas - All My Friends Are Zombies
Koffin Kats - Graveyard Tree
Creature Feature - The Greatest Show Unearthed
Creature Feature - Aim for the head
Voodoo Church - Zombie A go go
Gorillaz - Hip Albatross
Michael Jackson - thriller
zombie girl - The darkness
White Zombie - living dead girl
The Used - wake the dead
Oingo Boingo - Dead Man's Party
Cranberries - Zombie
Zombies!Organize! - Zombie Manifesto
Kingston Trio - Zombie Jaboree
Designer Drugs - zombies!
Zach Selwin - Were comin' to kill ya
Sek - living dead beats
Acid bath - pagan love song
Acid Bath - new corpse
Zombina and the Skeletones - nobody likes you when you're dead
Wednesday 13 - I walked with a zombie
Murderdolls - She Was a Teenage Zombie
Zombie Zombie - Driving This Road Until Death Set You Free
This World - Christian Olde Wolbers
The Limousines - Internet killed the video star
Family Force 5 - Wake the Dead
Mc Chris - Mc Chris is Dead
Mustard Pimp - Zombie Revenge
L7- Pretend that we're dead
Zombie Zombie -walk of the dead
Grendel - Zombienation

BTW, the ones in the different color are songs I already own or ones I am for sure going to buy because I really like them. I'll be posting other things related to the party as it gets closer, including a sign up sheet for what you would like to bring or help out with for the party.