Look into my eyes, we will survive, you have to dance or die

Good morning.  I am so tired today.  I had a dream that I was running 5k marathons all night.  And I came in second place, that's how I knew it was a dream.  I even beat Ry.  Crazy, right?  Then at the afterparty the bitch hostess called me fat.  She didn't come out and say it, she was more like, 'oh, do you really think you need to eat another piece of chicken?'  Bitch. I wish i actually got the excersize from running all night, I feel like i ran cause I'm so tired but I didn't actually get the benefits from it.  Damn you, dream!  Damn you!


Dnd was fun last night but I hate dark sun.  Fucking bitch planet always killing me and breaking my weapons.  I'm down two more kopesh now.  yeah, that's what I said, too.  Damn.


Also, need some ideas on easy to make food that is relatively healthy and vegetarian or has veggie options for 7 people.  It's tough feeding that many peoples.  Maybe chicken pot pie w/ fake chicken?  Gonna do a pasta night, too.  And maybe grilled cheese and tomato soup.  But any suggestions?


Also, got the invites for the Alice party last night and they are sharp.  Thanks to Britta (yes, i'm trying to use nicknames so I dont' acutally use people's real names on here, trying to protect the innocent and all of that) for making those, btw.  She did a real bang up job.  Very nice.  You'll see.  And you will be impressed. 

Maidenform's patronizing response to me.

Here is the patronizing respone to me from Maidenform Bra Co.  They didn't really read anything in my email to them and sent me back a 30% bribe to content me.  Like I'm that simple (of course, I will probably use it...*shame*) anyway, I just wanted to point out that I lost here.  Not a victory.  Not at all. 

Dear thfidge:

I am very sorry that you were unable to a garment in your size. Please use the link provided to view America's #1 T-Shirt Bra! Our Maidenform® One Fabulous Fit® Tailored Demi Bra http://www.maidenform.com/bras/brands/maidenform/maidenform-one-fabulous-fit-tailored-t-shirt-bra-07959. This garment is available in a range of fashion colors. We currently have plum and California blue in stock for 36DD. If you would like view our full line of 36DD styles, please use this link http://www.maidenform.com/SearchResultsNewFeaturedView?categoryId=¤tPage=0&searchTerm=categoryid%3a1000075%2csize%3a36DD&searchKeyword=36DD&pageSize=999&sortBy=&storeId=10052&catalogId=10550&langId=-1.

We hope to see you on our website and please accept a discount of 30% toward your next order on Maidenform.com.

Thank you,

Maidenform Customer Service
Contact Information & Hours
Maidenform Customer Service Department:
1-888-888-9328 (Domestic customers)

Father says I'm good for nothing Mother says it comes from him

So, while I'm on the topic of bitching about stuff...

Why do game companies insist on making Co-op play only available online?  Just bought Dead Rising 2 which we were super excited for because both ry and I would be able to play together after we put lil bear to bed.  Only to find out last night that it is only online co-op.  What does that mean, you might ask? It means that for me and ryan to play in the same house we need to have two play station 3 systems, two copies of the game and an internet connection to link them together. 

FUCK YOU GAME COMPANIES AND 13 YEAR OLD BOYS WITH NO REAL FRIENDS.  fuck you very much.

And the bra post is a true story, and I really did email that to maidenform.  I'll post the response here if I get one. 

Anyway.. I'm all raged out today.  So, yeah.  I'll be on a boat fucking a mermaid later today.  Well, probably not the mermaid part but the first part will be true around 10 am.  Sampling.  Ye-haa. And I'm not being sarcastic.  I like sampling on the boat.  

Bonus Blog, my angry letter to Maidenform Bra Company.

Dear MaidenForm Bra Company,

Today I happened to be in a Kohls store looking for a belt and I walked by a display rack of your Tee-Shirt Bras which looked so super comfy and nice.  I wasn't in the store to buy a bra, like I said, I needed a belt, but the bra just looked really comfy and nice and so I looked for a bra in my size.  I have a hard time finding bras from most companies in my size, I wear a 36 DD, and of course, today I had the same problem with your brand.  I really wanted the cute brown one, I think the color is called Chocolate Truffle, but after being helped by a very nice employee we discovered that my only options for colors in your bras (not just this particular style but ALL of your bras) are black, white and nude or beige or whatever color you call that odd pukey color.  Seriously, I would never be caught dead in this color of bra, do people buy that color, it's so unattractive. But I digress.

Seriously, screw you guys.  Just because my boobs are bigger than a D I am not allowed to feel sexy?  I'm not allowed to look good in a bra?  I'm restricted to BEIGE? Seriously?  Why is it that girls with smaller chests get cute colors and patterns and I am stuck dressing like an old woman. And I bet even old women would like a nice red bra but can't find one in their size. 

While I'm griping about bras, another question.  Why must you make the lining in a bra for a larger girl like myself so thick?  It's seriously like wearing body armor over your boobs.  I have a centimeter thick foam that adds to my already large enough bust size and makes my boobs look rigid and cone like.  It's not the 1950s anymore and if you are a girl who wears, say a C cup, you don't have the sizable padding unless you bought a push up bra to make them look bigger.  I don't need them to look bigger.  I need a comfortable bra, and it'd be nice if: A) it didn't have the potential to protect me from stray bullets B) it looked even slightly sexy in the least.  Oh, and some lace might be nice, too, on a few models. Just saying.

I am not even sure if anyone will read this but I want you to know that you lost a sale today and future potential sales from me and any of my friends who are larger girls.  There are obviously more of us than you bra companies think. 

Now, I know you are going to send me back an email (if I even get a response) that says, oh there are a lot of bras for you big girls in our collection.  Yes, I saw them at Kohls.  I actually own one. They suck.  They are HUGE.  I mean, they cover half of my freaking chest.  I don't mean my breasts.  They are for real the bra equivalent of bloomer briefs.  Yes, I said it. Bloomer Briefs.  If I wanted a bra that covered me from the shoulders to the navel I would just wrap myself in duct tape.  It'd probably be more sexy, too.  These bras that you offer to larger women are the ones that have the super thick lining I mentioned before, too.  Enough with stiff foam in my bra.  I'm not saying that I don't need support, I def do, I'm just saying that it's one extreme or the other with bra companies.  Is it too much to ask for a comfy bra for a slightly well endowed woman?  Something comfy and attractive?  I buy a bra from you and I feel like I've aged 30 years when I put it on.  Anyway...

Thanks for the lack of a comfy, sexy, affordable bra,

Me...

Cold hands cold dust creepy cold things, do you know exactly what i mean?

I probably got that quote wrong.  Sorry. 

A rainy tuesday morning and if I was feeling unmotivated yesterday, please double that for today.  Oh well, gonna try to make something out of myself today.  I'm not sure what, yet, maybe I'm some type of playdoh and I can be a little pony or spaghetti or fake strawberry ice cream with colorful playdoh sprinkles. 

Today was a morning where I just did not want to get out of bed.  Not at all. 

I took a nice long bath last night and finished the 3rd graphic novel of scott pilgram.  I need to pick up the last 3.  They are pretty faithful with the movie (i should have said that the other way around...)so far, some extra details which are funny and good.  I recommend it. 

So...my dress should be here soon.  I am getting excited.  I think Jen and I are gonna make pumpkin rolls tonight, too!  Yea.  I'm pumped. 

And...just to make today rock a little harder, Dead Rising 2 comes out and it has co-op mode.  Excellent.  I know how I'll be spending my nights after lil bear's in bed. Shooting zombies in the head (in case you were wondering). 

I want to create something.  I want to sing really loud.  I want to make a difference.  I want people to notice if I'm gone. 

Okay. to work. with me. and my mad working. skillz. (wait, do I have those?)

Run home to mommy, I'll get you again tomorrow

So, thank you to the kind AWS employee who left 50 cents in the vending machine.  I got my breakfast supersized oatmeal cream pie for half price today and it's all thanks to you.  I hope this means good things for the day.  I think it bodes well.  Yum.

Second, corn maze was super fun.  We should try to go to another one before the season is out.  Man, my butt still hurts from the bucking broncos, though.  Who went, you ask?  Me, Lil bear (who seemed to really enjoy the whole event), Ry (yes, the party pooper acutally went and had a good time!), double j, and Martinny.  We had a pretty good time.  The weather was almost perfect, too, cloudy and cool.  Nice.  Here's a picture of double j and lil bear goofing around. 

Anyway...back to work.  I dont' think my boss is in today, so it really might be an a'ok day, right?

Oh, and spruced up the bloggy for fall.  Hope you like it.

Steampunk session 1 part 2

After they had stood there quietly for a moment Shade spoke. “I’ve got a job for you mercs. You have an hour to get yourselves ready, you know the deal, don’t be late. Over at the airstrip by Hangar Street you’ll find a zeppelin to take you where you need to be.


Your mark today is a troublemaking mechanic who has overstepped his bounds. He should be considered highly dangerous. You know what to do. Any questions?”

Duriall raised his hand a little. “Excuse me. Why are we being dispatched to kill a mechanic?” His voice was lightly accented but Lyra still couldn’t figure out where he was from, just that it was someplace exotic.

Leave me alone, I'll be fine until the morning light

So tired today. Asher got sick at JJ's party last night and so we left early. He had bad stomach stuff going on and a rash and I was worried about him so instead of going to haunted houses with my brother (which we weren't supposed to do but OGB, one of my bro's friends, called the vic and he wanted to go and then I told the shig and he seemed to want go) I stayed home.  Partially, too, because Ry was being super whiny about the whole thing as well because it wasn't planned out and he didn't want me to go.  I feel like I'm everyone's mother sometimes.  Also, house was in Canfield (youngstown) and so by the time everything was going on it was late and I had to work today, early as usual. 

So, of course everyone was mad at me last night, as usual.  I just can't seem to make people happy.  I try really hard and I always end up making people mad at me instead. 

My fingernails are too long right now and it makes typing annoying.  I don't know how those ladies with huge fake nails do it.  

Corn mazing it up today as long as the weather holds out (which its supposed to).  I think I've convinced Ry to go, too.  As long as Asher is still feeling better. 

The whole thing considered, last night made me depressed and it's followed me into today.  I hate making people upset.  And I know that the people probably arn't still upset with me but I still feel upset, it's not like a switch I can just turn off, you know?  Oh well.  Get over it. I read someplace that guilt is a selfish emotion.  I am a pretty selfish person, then, if that's true, since I feel guilty over everything for myself and everyone around me. 

Okie.  Next post is more steam punk stuff. 

working at night can be creepy.

Walking down the road. Its dark. The moon is full but its light is dim. Enough to see by but not enough to illuminate. Just enough to remove concealment. Not enough to hide.
Ahead, red stones. Rocks wet, splatters here, puddles deep and rich there. Wetness everywhere. Blood on the concrete. It stains the soul, a visual that can never be unseen. Life spilled callously on the path. The choice made, the chance set. Blood dries slowly.
Trees on either side. They grow together, bowing and scraping, hiding their shame. Vines hanging down above the road. Long, thick, strong ropes. Necks broken, feet dangle, shoeless. Toes exposed. Blood drips, a tiny noise in the night, overwhelming. Drip, drip, drip. The wind is absent, the blood drops straight down into wet slick puddles on pavement.
The bodies sway despite the wind's betrayal. Ever so slowly. The smell is bad. The view is worse.
Fingers twitch. Reflexes. Skin crawls. The moonlight caresses the pale skin. No where to go. Drip. Slowly spinning. Drip. An ankle spasms. Drip. A tongue lolls. Drip. There is so much blood. It stains the moon and floods the eyes. Its all over, all over everything. It will never wash off, you'll never be free.

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Hands red and cold as the dead, pity they're not pretty like they used to be

So...I lost the papers I was handwriting the vic's campaign.  I'm having a little crisis.  Hopefully I left them at the dutchman but I thought I had them when I left.  Crisis.  Gah.

Anyway...

Lil' bear got vaccinated today.  It always bothers me when people don't vaccinate.  But at the same time I worry if they might be right.  I like science though and so I must place my trust in science, even in pharmacutical companies are just out to make money.  Kids aren't dying of polio or small pox or anything like that anymore because of vaccines so my trust isn't misplaced completely, right?  Other mothers I know do not get vaccines for their children or only get some because of autism or other stuff.  i don't know...I need to do what I think is right for Asher and I think denying him a vaccine that could prevent him from getting some stupid illness is good. 

Okay, enough of that.

Went to make sauerkraut last nigth and pumpa had it done already.  I just had to push it down in the bucket.  But we will be making more, don't you worry.  Put in your orders now if you want some, btw.

Looks like it's gonna be a weird night at work tonight, lots of thunderstorms and changing weather on the horizion.  We will see how it goes. 

I've noticed I get obsessed about things.  I wish I didn't.  I wish I could be more level headed and not get super excited and upset and flustered and happy and all of that when I get obsessed about something.  I feel like get thrown about by my own emotions, difficult to control and harder to reign in.  I guess I wouldn't be me if I didn't.  You know what I mean?  Is this a good thing or a bad thing about me? I don't know.  Maybe both?

Been feeling pretty good since stopping the pill.  Let's hope it stays the same way and I don't get depressed again.  Been eating more healty, too, maybe that will help as well, most of the stuff I read on the topic says eating well helps stave off depression.  Balance the body, balance the mind, right?

Alright, this band was playing at Cedar point when we were there and the shig said I would like it.  the stuff I like, i really like.  the other stuff...well it sucks.  but here you go, family force 5.

Steampunk, rough draft pt 1

Lyra sat at the table of the tavern eating her dinner slowly while keeping a wary eye on the men surrounding her. Dinner was, if she had to guess, some type of fish and strange overcooked vegetable styled mush. It seemed a fairly common style dish for this tavern, she had eaten the same thing here all three nights since she had been sold here by Varisha the Lesser after having failed as an apprentice surgeon. The shame her failure had brought on her family would probably always haunt her.

The men she had only known for only a few days, Bhrahash the large dragonborne, the oversized half-orc Murook and Duriall the human. She didn’t feel comfortable with any of them, and understandably so after the whole ordeal at the hospital. She had been assigned to this slave retinue, known here as an esne, the last to join apparently. Murook and Bhrahash seemed to get along okay, both of them ganging up on the smaller human man, Duriall. He seemed a little off to Lyra but she still couldn’t quite put her finger on what was different with him.

Come from a different point of view

Greetings and Salutations.

Tired today.  Not sure why I'm more tired today than normal.  But I am.  Oh well.  Weather's going to be nice today and then down into the 60s until winter probably.  Very welcome to fall kinda weather. I like it.

Played some Dark Sun last night, gonna play Steampunk tonite and Ravenloft on Sat.  Good times, man. 

Corn maze on Sunday maybe?  Weather isn't looking promising at the moment.  I really don't wanna drag the bear around in it if it's crappy. 

I'm in a Dommin mood today.

Nothing else to say really.  Next post is the chronicalization of the Steampunk campaign The Vic is running.  It's just the beginning and a rough draft, not very good.  you honestly don't have to read it, but it's my blog and I'm gonna post it. 

to me, coming from you, friend is a four letter word

Writing a blog on my phone today because I spent too much time screwing around the plant this morn. Here's a picture of the alice bottles I spent last nite building. I think they turned out pretty ok. Anyway.
Ry and I went to bricco last night. It was pretty good, had really good scallops and risotto. I had been wanting a good risotto. Martinny came over to watch little bear for us.

Hmm...what else. Dunno. Period sucks from pill, worst I've had in years. Makes me glad I stopped again.

I tried to make my own hummus but its not working. I bought dried chick peas and rehydrated them overnight and into the next day but they were still hard. What am I doing wrong? do I need to cook them? I want to make home made hummus for the party but... Its not looking so good.

Also, bought a wig for alice costume but it doesn't look right. Any suggestions?

okie dokie, no video for you today because I am on my phone. You're lucky you got a pic! anyway, until tomorrow.

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Cause I'm a stupid boy and you're a sexy girl

Good morning.  Another day of getting my lack of authority undermined at the good ol' watering hole.  Oh well.  Getting a map made today for my EPA thing and I'm not making it.  Rock.  Less work for me.  I like it.

Bought a wig last night for my costume but i dunno if it will really work.  We will see.  I look bad blonde, too, in case you were wondering. 

I'm gonna try to make home made hummus today as practice for the party.  I'm using dried chick peas, too.  I reconstituted them overnight. 

Oh, and Fit-is-go is all better now, back from teh shop and a full tune up to boot.  She feels good again. 

I want to go swimming.  And I think I'm gonna go rollerskating today if i can find anyone to go.  I need to check operation hours at fun and stuff.  Haven't been rollerskating in years!  I bet I fall on my fat ass more than once. 

Okay.  Your video today is the Bed Intruder song...

We can go for a drive my darling, and kiss in the backseat

Good morning.  Well, morning for me at least.  Another day in AWS paradise.  I can tell already. 

Made dried apples last night.  Oh boy are they yummy.  I have a feeling there won't be any left after today between me and the boys.  Might make some sample party foods this week to practice.  Possibly going liquor shopping tonight as well.  We will see. 

Hung out with Martinny last night, that was fun.  She is very quiet, though.  I feel like maybe she didn't want to hang out with us last night?  I don't know, maybe I just don't know her well enough to read her yet (I obviously don't know her well enough to read her yet).  :/  We went to borders then ry and I cooked and then we watched Get Smart which was funny but not like the best movie I'd ever seen.  It was entertaining, though, and that's really all you can ask for, right?

Made it to work on time today if you were worried.  Sundays are always hard, 7 am just seems twice as early on Sunday as it is on any other day. 

Jump the gun bust a cap in your crown

Good morning.  So....I might have been a little late to work today...my bad.  Overslept.  We didn't get back from Cedar Point until after midnight last night.  My aunt said Asher was good, so that was good but i still felt guilty about not taking him.  It was sooooo crowded that I only rode one ride and went through three haunted houses.  Two were good, one was eh...

So, practically the whole crew was there but none of them met up until I pulled them together.  Ry told me that is because they are not really all friends with eachother and so wouldn't necessarily want to hang out with each other in that kind of situation.  I thought about if I knew the shig's friends or some people like that that i knew but wasn't regular friends with were there if I would have hung out with them.  I still dont' know.  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Oh well, we all got together and waited in line for ridiculous amounts of time together.  And had a pretty good time regardless.  I have to admit, the most fun ride i rode was the racing horses with El, Shig and Ry. 

Hmm....It's sunday morning and I don't want to work.  Gah, I'm tired.  Oh well. 

Oh, I forgot to mention NY Rachel was in town for a few days.  Ry and Ash hung out with her on Friday night while I was working and she came over yesterday and hung out in the afternoon before we went to Cedar Point.  It was really nice to see her, i really wish she lived closer.  Oh well.  I think we are going to take a long weekend in NYC in March or April to visit her next year. 

Here is her most recent bike short, she won the film festival with it, it's pretty good.

Anyway...

I've got a gold chain, like it was 1980

Hmm...so a Friday post means I'm working overtime (or i had a lot of free time or i had a burning need to tell you guys something super awesome).  Assume it's the overtime. 

Bad news is that I just don't feel motivated to do anything. I'll get going here shortly, I promise. 

Ordered the Alice costume last night, I'll take pics and post them on here when it comes in.  Custom ordered, I'm so excited.  This is gonna be the most expensive party I have ever thrown, btw, but it's gonna kick some massive ass.

So, here's a story about me and a librarian. The back story is that the new brandon sanderson book came out a few weeks ago and i reserved teh audiobook from the library.  I got it and it's 36 discs.  No, I'm not exaggerating.  36.  do you know how many hours that is?  I do.  It's 45.6 hours.  Almost two whole days.  So when I didn't finish it in teh first 14 days I get from the library and went to extend the due date here is the conversation that ensued:

Me:  Hi, I'd like to return these (children's books) and I would like to renew the audiobook I have out.
Librarian:  Okay, hold on and let me check.....[she gives a long look at the computer and then looks back at me reproachfully].  Um...well, you're not done with it?
Me: No, that's why I need to renew it.  It's pretty long. 
Librarian: Hmmm....[she looks at the computer again for another whole minute] well...you know, there are other people who want to borrow this.  You really should return it as soon as possible.
Me: I know, it's a new release.  I have been listening a lot, I'm more than half way done, I'm on disc 20 already of 36, but I want to finish it.  That's why I want to renew it.
Librarian:  [Looks at me disapprovingly as if I should have been able to finish a 45 hour audiobook in two weeks] I guess *sigh*...well, I guess I can renew it for you but only if you promise to return it the minute you finish it.  There are other people who want to read this book, too, you know. 
Me: Um...Ok?  That was the plan.  Um...thanks?
Librarian:  Don't take too long!

I kid you not.  That is the conversation as close to perfect as i remember. 

And, just to be annoying, I dare you to listen to this and not get this shit stuck in your head for the rest of the day: Dirt Nasty, 1980

I'm half the man I used to be

So tired today.  Having a really hard time coping with alertness and consciousness overall.  And I still have to work tomorrow and i bet Asher doesn't sleep in.  Gah, I'm so tired today.  I went to bed at a decent time, I have no idea why I'm so tired.

I stopped taking the pill last night.  Hopefully it doesn't go to hell in the next couple of days.  Still don't know if I'm doing the right thing here but I really don't like being dependant on medications...I don't know, it's the whole argument that if I'm taking something is it changing who I am because it's changing how I react?  I don't know.  Very wishy washy, I know. 

Cedar Point this weekend!  Woot.  Finally found a babysitter for Asher, too. My aunt pat is gonna come watch him, my cousins A and G want to come to Cedar Point with us.  So that should be fun. 

Canoe trip yesterday was so nice.  It was perfect weather and the area we went was quiet and peaceful and there was only an algae problem, no septic or ag so that made it nice. 

Lets see...what else is going on?  Not much.  Still haven't ordered my alice costume, i need to take measurements and I couldn't find my taylor's measurer. So, tonight.  Played some Dark Sun last night, it's Steampunk awesomeness tonight.  Hopefully we get to play some Ravenloft again, soon, too. 

Okay, get to work slacker.  Here's a video to keep you entertained, Bang bang bang bang by Sohodolls.

Through the years I've carried the pain and loss of my love

So, yeah. 

Going canoing for sure today!  Gonna do about 7 miles if that doesn't sound ridiculous or whatever.  Me and Doug, should be nice. 

So, more about the pill and if you don't want to read on, i totally understand.  So, why I want to stop taking it:  I'm gaining a lot of weight recently (I attribute to the pill), I get headaches every night when i take it.  See, i used to take my multivitamin with it as well and I didn't the last two nights just to see if it was the vitamin or the pill.  it's the pill.  Other girl stuff with the pill that people probably just don't want to hear but i'll just say one word, discharge.  Hmm..oh, and the best, around my lips darkened a little bit so it looks liek I have a nice little mustache.  Not horribly so but enough so I notice.

So why haven't I just stopped taking it?  Cause I'm not sure if it's helping me stay balanced or not.  I don't know what to do and one day I'm sure indecision will be the death of me but until then...

Hm...nothing else of note right now.  Playing DnD tonight and tomorrow.  Going to see Rachel Brown this weekend so that will be nice.  Working overtime on Friday.  Going to Cedar Point on Saturday.  If we can't find a babysitter we will have to take Asher with us, I guess we will see how that goes...My mom is going to a party and ry's mom has her vigil at church, I asked my Aunt Pat and am waiting to hear back from her.  It won't be horrible if we have to take him with us, though.  It'll all work out, even if ry is freaking out.

until tomorrow...

And I'll tell you what you get, you get away from me

Good morning, all. 

So, of course I got yelled at but no one else did.  I guess that's just how this place operates. 

Found a really cool alice costume but it's gotta be custom made and it will cost me about $100.00.  But I never acutally spend a lot of money on parties and I love Halloween and this outfit will be awesome. And...I'll probably be alice again for Halloween at some point in the future.  And who knows, Maybe i'll just wear the dress for fun.

Made the first apple pie of the season last night.  Here's a picture of it before I baked it. 

Lets see...heading to Cedar Point this weekend....that will be fun.  I'm gonna try and get a massage tonite, too.

So...I hate my birth control.  Ry thinks I'm being hasty but I think I'm gonna stop taking it.   I'll finish this in a later post...

Teacher says that I've been naughty I must learn to concentrate

So, Fuck Fuck Fuck at work today.  There was a break in over the weekend and none of us Rangers caught it or even know when it happened so who's in trouble?  Me, because I worked yesterday.  Fuck.  It's gonna be a long bad day.  That's all I have, maybe more after even more shit goes down.  Gah and a half.  

We lose control of the moments, another trend goes out of season

Hello all.  Had a nice weekend.  Ry was off (I know, a rare occasion in the glow household) and we did all sorts of stuff, went to the Cleveland Zoo and played some Ravenloft and went thrift shopping (unsucessfully, I might add) for Halloween costumes. 


Cleveland Zoo:  just wanted to point out two things from here.  One, Asher is a cotton candy fiend.  I've created a monster.  Two:  Asher really likes animals.  He was so excited the whole time we were there.  I also skipped taking the tram and walked asher and his stroller up the ramp all the way to the aquarium/monkey/cat house.  And then back down again. It was worth it, though, he loves him some fishies.  He would go to a tank and say "fishie" then he would wander over to anohter one and say the same then back and forth over and over.  It was pretty cute.  He does not like monkeys or apes.  We would go to look at them and he would shake his head no and refuse to look.  So fishies and cats is what we stuck with.


Okay, enough about the zoo. 


New Birthday Massacre album comes out on Tuesday but I have heard it all already.  Soooooo good.  It makes me so happy.  I can't wait to see them when they tour in November.  They are coming to Mr. Smallz on tuesday but I can't find anyone to drive to Pburg with me and I def can't do that by myself and then go to work the next day.  Oh well, but I'm so excited.  They are such a fun band, I kind of love them so much.  And they rumored that they might tour with Dommin, how kick ass would that be? 


Man, it's so hard to focus on work on Sunday morning but I must try.

Once a night my bedroom light leaks out from my bedroom window

Looking forward to playing DnD tonight, we missed last week.  I like The Vic's campaign, too.  Steampunky goodness.  Just finished mike's dragonborn figure, too.  So now, Lyra and whatshisface are both done, just need to do duriall and mean ass half orc guy.  I'm on a roll.  I tried to upload the pics from my phone of whatshiface but it wouldn't go through, I have no idea why, just kept getting errors. 

I'm also looking forward to this weekend.  Today is Ry's last day at his horrible job and Saturday is thrift shopping with the crew for halloween costumes and then the Ventana show with The Vic.  Yea!  I'm pumped.  Sounds like it's gonna be a great weekend.

And then, tuesday!  New TBM!  and getting The Fit is Go fixed.  Finally will be able to see when I drive in the dark.  Looking forward to that, too. 

Gonna try to kayak today but I also have to work on EPA crap...another day validating my job. i love it. 

You build it, we break it, it's my red star

Jen and I made pumpkin bread last night.  It tastes supreme and totally like fall.  I'm in love.

So, Boss lady is mad at me for some unknown reason and I just don't care. She hung up on my yesterday because she didn't care to hear what i had to say.  this is where I work.  This is my life.  Oh well.

Did not like my yoga instructor at the gym last night, will find another one.  My mom wants me to check out the yoga lounge in Hudson but it's pretty expensive.  She has a coupon but...  The yoga at the gym was more like a very very low key stretching class.  We would do a pose and then the teacher would sit and talk and we would shake it out instead of going from one pose to another in a nice flow.  It did not feel like yoga.  My instructor told us that she wouldn't touch us or fix our poses or anything because she didn't like to touch people.  Oh well.  I'll find someplace else.

Probably going to start running again.  Tomorrow is Ryan's last day at Bedford, thank goodness.  It's been a long 7 months.

Wanted to go canoeing today but that got dashed.  Maybe tomorrow.  I'm gonna be by myself tomorrow, kayaking.  I should bring a ziplock bag and my mp3 player. 

I have been thinking about it lately, I wonder if I didn't invite people over or pester people to do things (insert beg or harrass for pester if you'd like) if people would ever contact me to do anything at all.  I kind of don't think they would.  that makes me sad.  You know what I mean? 
Anyway...

You know, i really mean it this time, cause i'm stupid, sadistic and suicidal

Well, Labor day is over so now it's no longer safe to wear white.  I'm not sure why, exactly, but it is. 

Asher is not sleeping well, I am not sleeping well, so we are both pretty tired today.  I couldn't fall asleep last night and he couldn't sleep this morning.  It's not a good combination for me. 

ry only has three days left on his last rotation before he starts his new job, that will be nice. 

Alice party date is set, oct 16th. I'm looking forward to it...lots of good ideas in the works.  I need to pick up some wire so i can start making the mushrooms. 

I'm sorry, I'm very distracted right now and this post isn't interesting at all.  I'll talk to you later.

Writing excercise

"How do I know you aren't influencing me right now," she said, looking down avoiding his gaze. 
"You don't, I suppose," he replied softly.  "Does it matter?"
She looked at him for a moment and quickly looked away again.  "I...no, probably not." She started to say something else and stopped herself.  He reached out and took her hand in his.  His hand was cold and gave her small chill as the thrill of his touch tore through her body.
A moment passed.  Without looking at him she whispered, "Will I ever be free of you?"
"What would you do if you were?" he asked sincerely.
She looked down for a moment, considering.  She stared up into his eyes almost defiantly and then looked away again.  "I don't know," she said honestly.
"You don't know or you don't want to know?" he asked her gently though she could hear the smirk in his voice.  A light smile played on the edge of his lips and he squeezed her hand reassuringly. 
She didn't have a response to that.

I'm in the dark, I'm alone around you

So, yeah...taste of Cleveland yesterday was kinda a let down.  The weather was eh, the food was eh.  Oh well, I had fun with our group either way.  We came back to my place and played games and had toasted cheese and tomato soup and that was nice. 

I forgot to take my bc pill yesterday and as the night wore on I totally could feel myself getting more and more depressed and upset and feeling generally worthless and whatever.  So, I don't know entirely if it was just me or missing my pill.  I think the pill is working for me, though, but it's still a little early to tell. 

I can't wait for the new Birthday Massacre album to come out, only a week and a few days to wait now...So excited.  I really wish i could go see them in Pittsburg but it's unrealistic.  I just wanted to feel like and adult, you know, like I can go to a show by myself and not need to go with my chaperones.  lol.  I'm stupid.  I know that's not how it is but,  you know, i feel like it sometimes.  I just want to be more independent and stuff.  I'm running out of words when I throw out "and stuff".  I didn't sleep well last night (depression) and so today I'm freaking dead at work.  I'm so tired.  Who needs a ranger at 7 am on a Sunday morning anyway?  Some people say I'm not important anytime, not just at seven on a sunday. 

Anyway, gonna go for now.

Not easily offended, time to let it go, from the list to masses

So, I am working overtime today.  And i just dropped my child off in a disgusting pit of super disgustingness.  And I mean, absolute filth and possibly dismemberment.  My dad is renovating the house so there are all sorts of sharp pointy and cutty things all around and open sockets and boards covering holes in the floor and other impliments of construction doom.  Then there are three dogs who pee on everything.  Seriously toys covered in dog urine.  Asked my dad for a clorox wipe and you would have thought i asked him in Japanese.  He said, where do you think you are, the mariott?  GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!  I cleaned dried on piss and grime with a fucking dishrag.  A DISH RAG.  not to mention the pee on the floor, the grimy everything and oh god, why did i leave my child there for his first horror experience.  Then I was telling my dad things like, oh he just had a nap and please give him this yogurt and blah blah, you know, the  usual and he did not listen and pretty much told me he would do whatever he wanted.  Not to mention that he isn't gonna take him home tonight.  They will drive freaking Eli all the way to Lodi every other weekend but they can't drive my child home one freaking night so he can get to bed before fucking 11 pm?!!!???!?!?!?!??!

Not enough punctuation for how I feel right now in the world. 

Please, higher powers that be, protect my child from electrocution, dismemberment, poisoning, disease and any other ailment that will befall him tonight at my father's house. 

I just have to keep telling myself it's only 8 hours.  Only 8 hours.  If I were the bear I would never forgive me, either.

This post is in the color of the smears on the tile floor at my dad's house.   

Haunted House Schedule for 2010

We will be doing our stuff mostly on Friday nights unless weather is bad or something comes up and we can move them to Saturday nights.  Please leave comments on if you want to change things around or what not as well, everything is flexible.

Oct 1st:
Bloodview
http://www.bloodview.com/
Broadview Heights
$20.00

Seven Floors Of Hell
http://www.7floorsofhell.com/
Berea Fair Grounds
$23.00

The Fear Experience
North Olmsted, Ohio
Location: 31515 Lorain Road. Inside The Soccer Sportsplex!!
Times: 7pm-12am
Contact Phone: 216-245-FEAR
Website: www.thefearexperience.com
2 Huge haunted houses at one location for only $12!

Oct 8th
Factory of Terror
Print out discount coupons here:http://www.factoryofterror.net/tickets.html





4125 Mahoning Rd NE
Canton, OH 44705
$23 without coupon, 20 with.

Fortress of Fear Screampark at Fortress of Fear Screampark
Garrettsville, Ohio 44231
$11.00

Oct 15
Horror Movie Marathon
presented by Melt, 10 pm-10 am oct 16th.
$25.00

Oct 22
Mansfield Reformatory
100 Reformatory Road, Mansfield, Ohio 44905
(419) 522-2644
Fridays and Saturdays $17
($2.00 PARKING FEE PER VEHICLE)
http://98.129.163.236/pages/halloween

Dead Acres Haunted Hoochie

Pataskala, Ohio (south of mansfield)
Location: 13861 Broad St
Times: dusk til dawn
Website: hauntedhoochie.com
$17.00

Oct 29th
The ScareHouse

118 Locust Street
Etna, PA 15223
412-781-5885
http://www.scarehouse.com/directions.php
$18.00

Hundred Acres Manor Haunted House
100 Acres Dr
Bethel Park, PA 15102
(412) 851-4286
hundredacresmanor.com‎
$16.00, $23.00 if you wanna buy tickets that let you not wait in line.

Remember all you've been told and there might be some hope for you

Feeling kinda crappy this morning.  Asher has been getting up at four every morning now for almost a week. It's not fun, in case you were wondering. 

I'm gonna double post today because I'm gonna post the Haunted House Schedule on here for those of us who care (you better care, it's freaking awesome!)  Obviously I'm pumped.  I mean, we are gonna hit a house called Haunted Hoochie this year.  With a live demon birth.  A+ for sure. 

man, I really don't have much to say, I didn't do anything particularlly fun last night, I played with the bear all night until he freaked out and wouldn't come near me and cried for like, 15 minutes.  You can make up a reason why, I'm really not sure.  Then I put him to bed and ripped an audiobook (36 discs of crazy ripping action, actually i only got 29 done last night...) from the library.  I usually wouldn't do that but, seriously?  I'm not gonna finish 36 discs in two weeks.  let's be realistic.  Oh, and I painted one of The Shig's figures.  Turned out pretty okay, i'm not in love with it but it's not the worst I've ever done, either. 

Okay, lots of work to do today, EPA lady gave me tons of homework. 

You know I love you guys.

You claim to know a thing or two about heartache

So...I only had one kinda breakdown yesterday so, so far so good, right?  Maybe it is the pills, or it might be my period. I don't know. 

Feeling anxious still.  I didn't sleep well last night, Asher was up in the middle of the night again (or maybe I dreamed it) and I had a dream that I totalled my work vehicle with another vehicle at work and tried to blame someone else.  I woke up all upset and freaking out.  Def not a good start to the day. 

Ry and I fought over stupid shit again last night.  I don't know what I'm going to do to make it better, honestly.  Confronting him is not how it's gonna happen, he is too sensitive and can't handle criticism.  I'll have to be creative. 

And this heat...I can't wait for rain and the weekend with cooler weather. 

My dad and Joyce are watching asher on Friday while I work overtime, hopefully that goes okay...I'm nervous. 

And I'm trying really hard to find happiness for myself and not base it on others or whatever but I'm finding it's quite difficult.  I need more confidence. 

Oh, and it's ry's fault but I skipped my first yoga class last night.  Not a good start, I'd say.  :(