But there's no use hiding this pretty head in the ground

So...I'm feeling better than I have in a long time.  I'm in a great mood.  I think part of it was that I saw Scott Pilgram vs the World last night and it was amazing...!!! I totally <3 <3 <3 it so much.  Go and see it if it's still playing where you are.  I demand you see it.  I am going to own it as soon as possible.  I loved it that much. 

And today is day 2 on yaz...I really don't think that that could have had the effect so quickly...

But I'm feeling good.  I'm gonna do things for me, not for other people, for a while and see how that goes. 

I wanted to take Asher to Preston's Hope Park but it's gonna be 90 out today...probably too hot though...

and I start Yoga tonight...wish me luck!

Gotta go to some stupid dam meeting...

On the way to Washington where work is done by men with gavels

So, yes, definately self destructive.  I think it helps sometimes, though, I need to face the tough realities of life.  Yeah, take that, self!  Basically I deserve what I get and I get what I deserve I think. 

Enough of that.  I've been told that people occasionally wander over these parts and see what's the hubbub so i shoudl probably not really wax on about my stupidity too much.  But then again, it's my blog and I can do whatever I want.  So, nya. 

I'm in rare form today.  I really have no idea how I feel today.  Was extremely anxious yesterday, everything was setting me off.  I'm still feeling anxious today.  And tired, asher was up crying from 5:15 to when I left for work, we just left him in his crib and he would cry for like 10 mins then sleep for 15, off and on.  Lately I just don't have the energy to deal with him so much.  Once again, mom failure.  (in addition to other personal failure qualities). 

I should probably stop writing soon, I really have nothing good to say about  myself this morning and I'm sure this is just coming off as whiny and self loathing (omg, that's exactly what it's coming off as, give this girl a prize, so freaking smart).   So, with that, I bid you all adeu.

Oh, alice, you're falling down the rabbit's hole

So, we have internets at work again!  Yeah, i can finally do my freaking job.  Great. 

So, I think I am self destructive.  I need to work on that.

And...today is decision day.  Do I start the pill or do I just go on and hope things change?  I just hate to take something that alters me.  I mean, am I still the me I am when I take drugs?  Or am I somebody else?  And do i have any control over it when I am medicated? Iknow this is stupid because it's just birth control but it still does change things and i dunno...I guess I'm just stupid. 

Found vials for the alice party.  One down.  tea cups is a new challenge.  I'm thinking about making either jello or ice cups, suggestions or ideas?  And Project Very Large Mushroom Paper Machete will begin commencement soon. 

I'm thinking earier for my party, too.  Like...I dunno...I'll get back to you.

Well, much to do at work today, talk to you cool cats later.

a kiss to wish us all goodnight

So...no internet at work again today. Seriously I don't know how anyone gets any work done. If this goes on much longer we might be at threat from an epa violation. Oh well, its not my fault.

Hung out w the boys last night and watched the movie kick ass. It was super good. That little girl is amazing. Gonna try to play two paragon level characters that my bro created tonight in dnd w him and martin, wish me luck. I know I'm gonna suck but what can u do?

also...some stupid bitch reverse rear ended me on my way home from work yesterday. I was already in a rush because I think I gave myself algal toxin poisoning, I accidentially dumped a bucket of algae sample water on myself the other day and since they I have had a rash at the site and awesome stomach troubles. Anyway, was experiencing those awesome stomach troubles when this woman stopped waaaay too early for a school bus coming from the other direction and then decided she was too close and backed up on the street. And hit me. And kept going, even tho I was laying on my horn. Then she finally got out and this is how it went:
her: what happened?
me: um...you backed into my car.
Her: I did? are you sure
me: ummm....yea, I'm sure.
Gah. Anyway, because my tummy was not happy I did not wait for police, just got her information and rushed home.

Oh, and to top it all off, no damage to her old tank of a chevy blazer.

And the cherry on top? when I called my mom she didn't ask if I was okay or anything but interogated me and told me everything I did wrong. Sigh.

I'm tired of writing on my phone. Later.

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every letter that you wrote has found its way to me

So...no internet at work means updating on my phone so the spelling, grammar and punctuation/capitalization isn't gonna be very good, its just hard to do on my phone. And that is all I'm gonna mention about work cause I promised yesterday I wouldn't say anything. So...ry ended up going into work again on his day off yesterday. So annoying. Oh well.
Getting ready to mail off goodies to california, yea! who doesn't like getting stuff in the mail. I just have to stop being lazy about it and get it done.

I really wanna go see the birthday massacre at mr. Smalls theatre in pittsburg, its such a cool venue. It used to be a church. I've seen them there before. I'm glad so many of my friends like tbm now, the last time it was just me and the vic travelling to see our fav band. Unfortunately the show is on a Tuesday, I don't think its gonna happen. They don't have cleve dates yet, I really hope they do. Id drive to pittsburg and see them here as well. Cause I love them that much.

I need to find edible tea cups. Anyone have suggestions? also little vials, about 25 or so with little stoppers. And I need it to be kinda cheap...

Well, gotta go study some algae...

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I wanna take a chance, deep in your underpants

So, yeah, don't you love it when someone retires while working on a huge project for the EPA, doesn't get it done and then the EPA comes back to you, who only had a very small part in this whole project and really has no idea what is going on and says "hey, why haven't you fixed this yet"?  Is it just me?  Oh, yes, I guess it is.  Bah.

Oh, and did I mention he deleted all his files so I only have ONE hard copy that I could find and even if I scan everything I still have to retype the whole kit and kaboodle report?  Fuck that shit.  That's all I have to say about that.

And my one coworker is being all high and mighty and pretending like he's in charge of everything and the best at it as well.  I love it so much.  I am so glad that I have my  little desk and I just do my own work and keep out of the rest of the stuff around here. 

Hmm...kinda thought my post would be more about life and less about work...guess not.  Hopefully ry doesn't have to go into work again today (on his '2nd' day off, by that i mean he worked yesterday till super late...) and that he and Asher can come out for lunch today. 

Maybe tomorrow I won't have as much to complain about at work.   Acutually, I will make a promise (with my fingers crossed) to not talk about work tomorrow on the blog. :\

Yeah, I got a car that transforms into a boat. Nobody's got that...

So, Jeh told me about an all night horror movie event sponsered by the grilled cheese restarant Melt.  Sounds awesome, hopefully I can gets some people to come. 

I was in a super weird mood last night.  I probably shoulda wrote a post then, it def woulda been more amusing.  I think it's a combination of being alone, being tired, being just a little crazy and playing with baby toys all night.  I dunno. 

I'm def not feeling it today at work.  :( pretty sure today is not gonna be the best day ever.

Oh, and went to visit my mom last night and she just pretty much ignored me, too.  I love it. 

Did I mention Ry is working on his days off even though they specifically told him he wasn't supposed to do it anymore?  Explain that to me if you can. 

Shutting the door to the life that I once knew

This weekend was good over all.  JJ and I made boxes, we tried to skype with Ann and Athena but it didn't work so we did it old school and went speaker phone.  Then on Sat I was supposed to go to an outdoor metal festival but martin was just getting over a sinus infection and it was raining all day so we stayed home.  We watched the whole nine yards with bruce willis and then my brother and rachel came over and we went to babushkas and played apples to apples.  Overall pretty good day, all things considering.  martin owes me a Ventana show, though...

Saw girl doctor on Friday and she is putting me on yaz so I dont' get pregnant and to help with my crazy.  I am a little worried about starting it...I don't want to be crazy anymore but I also don't want to modify my body chemistry again...I don't know.  I have a few days to think about it before I have to start so....

It seems like a lifetime is passing us by

Well, not too bad today. Busy though. I forgot my wallet at work in my locker so that is my first destination.  Followed by lots of little stops then dropping asher off so Rosie can take him to baby gym while I visit my girl doctor.  Which sucks, i hate going to the girl doctor.  oh well.  Then box toys making with JJ tonite. 

No, that's not fair, how can I trust you?

So, interwebs back at work, finally, I can do my job. 

Having some algae problems here at work...can't really talk about it yet.

So, my mom called me last night and asked me kinda meanly why I was acting all depressed on facebook and i didn't really want to talk to her about it when she was making me feel even worse.  Sometimes I don't get how she shows her concern.  Like, I don't want to talk about something that is making me feel bad if you are just gonna be condesending about it, right?

Sigh...Asher is being super clingy mommy's boy, it's kinda getting to me.  The more he does it the less I want to be around him and that makes me feel pretty bad but he is SO demanding. 

I had stuff I wanted to write on here but forgive me, i completely forget what it is now.  I'm tired. 

Girl doctor visit tomorrow, I hate going to those.  At least they are only once a year. 

we can run to anyplace day or night across this state

so, internet is down at work for past two days making it difficult for me to update my blog. had to resort to typing it on my phone. I had a blog all written for yesterday, I wrote it in microsoft word and saved it so when the interwebs went back up I could post it but...still no interwebs.

had another pretty depressed day again yesterday. ry was home last night and that made it a little better. I feel like a delicate flower who is hard to keep alive, you know, like you forget one day to water it or you over water it and *poof* its dead. I mean not that extreme but you know what I mean, right?

I am supposed to be working on a list of five things I like about myself to improve my self esteem. I have 1 and a half. my one is that I'm a gamer, I'm pretty proud about that. the half is that, although I'm really not good at it very much I do love baking and when something turns out well I am pretty satisfied, even when I don't eat it.

hmmm.....I am really using music a lot lately, its making me able to not think and that's really for the best. and music rocks. I'm currently in love with the band dommin. oh yes, even with the yankee.

well, its a pain writing on my phone so until we meet again.

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Painting for every face, no correction, just cover up.

I totally had a panic/anxiety attack for no reason at all yesterday. Like, all day.  It sucked majorly.  I just couldn't calm down or control myself.  Maybe I'm bipolar? Maybe I'm just crazy.  I'm feeling better today but I went to bed at 9 last night, I'm hoping it's just from exhaustion.  I've done a lot of staying up late, drinking and other bad girl kinds of things, so maybe it's all just catching up with me.  I'm getting to old to do these kinds of things but if I don't do them now when will I ever? 

My proposal to my superitendent is tomorrow, wish me luck.  I'm working on my application for Kent State to get my MA in Biology (limnology).  I am going the MA route because I really don't have time to work on a thesis. I guess it would start next year, it seems they only accept new grad students in the fall.

Okay, to work.  I'm gonna try really hard not to be a crazy bitch today.  Really hard.

All that time I thought that I was getting something right

I'm thinking about my alice in wonderland party and wondering how I am going to pull it off.  Not sure yet.  I need to get a date set so people will plan to be there, I bet not too many people will come...that just always seems to be how it goes with these types of things.  What do you guys think about October 1st?  It's a friday. I need to practice making petit fours again, too.  and i need a bunch of tiny little vials. 

Feeling odd again today, I really don't know why I can't break out of this funk.

Trying to write some more.  I have an idea of a short story I want to write, I just wish I could sit down and write until I was done instead of in little tidbits that I get, I never feel like I can get it all out that way and I forget cool stuff I want to put in there. 

I've been feeling very goth lately.  What's up with that?  In fact, there might be none more blacker.  Oh, wait, that's def not true.  I think I'm gonna bleach my hair tonite.  Wish me luck.

Your so difficult, so critical, push me harder harder feels so typical

So, the shig and the vic's birthday party at my house last night was pretty kick ass awesome.  Got to meet The Vics new girlfriend, Bree Tanny.  She is pretty cool.  I'm looking forward to hanging out with her more often.  It's always nice to meet cool new people.  We got pretty trashed last night and stayed up waaaay too late since I had to work today but it was totally worth it.  I had a great time. 

That being said, ryan did not have such a great time. First he burned himself trying to get teh fire started, then he decided to pour beer down a hole in the yard full of yellow jackets.  That's always a good idea, right?  No.  They attacked him and he ran into the house and they followed him and he got stung a whole lot.  In retrospect it's pretty funny but it sucked at the time.  He punched a hole in the wall, too.  Joy. 

Anyway...had a good time otherwise.  I'm fucking tired today.  Had a dream that Bree Tanny and I were working at water supply together relaying messages for some reason, and another that I told Martin something only to realize I was dreaming and I needed to tell him something, then I told him and then I realized I told him the thing I told him in a dream in another dream.  Does that  make sense? 

I'm feeling very weird today...I am not sure what it is. 

I saw the light and know you aren't the one for me

So...I decided that I am going back for my masters degree.  I am. I am gonna make it work.  Talked it over with Ryan last night and I think I want to do it.  I just can't help myself, I love me some algae.  You know?  Now I have to figure out how to go back to school.  Any help?

Ry was mad at me about writing all the details of my trip yesterday.  He said that one day I may regret posting that.  i don't understand the problem, I didn't use anyone's real name and I wasn't being mean or anything, I was just telling a story.  And I didn't drink on the job, it was after hours.  And it doesn't have my real name or a link to my real identity anywhere on it as well...I don't know.  I think he is over reacting but what do you guys think?

Okay, gonna go to work now.  later gaters.

I'll walk right through the door

So, two day algae workshop on Gibraltar Island in Lake Erie was Kick Ass!  I had a good time, met some pretty good people to know (in the water business) and learned a decent amount.  I also went bar hopping for the first time in my life with the Prof, Sampson, Hopkins, Triple bypass lady killer and Mustachio.  We went to teh world's longest bar where I did an acutal jello "shot".  I kid you not, it came in a giant plastic hypodermic needle.  Bascially I drank and drank with the boys, just trying to keep up. 

Then Sampson started hitting on me.  And I didn't realize it.  And then he asked me for my facebook (which I didn't give him but said I would) and I still didn't realize he was hitting on me.  Then he started touching me, like a little nudge or push or grabbing my shoulders quickly.  And since I was drinking and I've never really had the experience with that kind of thing anyway, I still didn't know he was hitting on me, we were having some great conversation. 

Then, once the water taxi was gonna stop running so we had to get beer and go back to the island (or sleep on the streets of put in bay) we did just that and drank in the gazebo.  And then he started rubbing my back and putting his arm around my back.  Then I got it and went to bed.  And the next day he wouldn't talk to me at all, he avoided me, and this island is only really like 6 acres large and it's not like we had a huge buffer.  I totally didn't even realize he was mad at me at first and then i didn't know why but then i thought about it and now I know.  He was only 23, that's my brother's age!  And he really isn't my type anyway, a little too jock-ish for me.  But I thought, hey a new friend.  And he thought..hey, I could hit that.  Oh well.

Here is a run down of where we went bar crawling: Beer Barrel, Mojito bay (it was a giant flamable tiki hut with swings at teh bar and sand all over and inside my shoes), the cresent lounge, roundhouse, and then the Gibraltar gazebo. 

Good times.  I also spent a whole lot of time on a mother fucking boat.  We drove two hours to get to Miller's Ferry.  Then we rode the ferry.  then we took a taxi to the Stone Labs bldg.  Then we took a Stone labs boat to Gibraltar Island.  then we took a boat on Lake Erie to get microcystin samples.  Then we did the whole thing in reverse.  Lots of boats. 

I'm super excited about algae mgmt now, too.  I'm such a geek. Here's a picture of a boat house on the island taken from a boat.

PS. names have been changed to protect the innocent!

My heart in your hand, closing your grip

Blargh.  That's pretty much exactly how I feel right now.  Kinda pukey and gross and super tired.  Yes, Jeh and Stephanie came over last night and cracked open my bottle of 100 proof Southern Comfort.  And yes, I might have drank more than normal.  and yes, then ryan miiight have given me water with soco in it instead of just water.  So, yes, when i woke up at 4 to pee this morning i was still inebriated.  And I'm pretty sure I embarassed myself drunk texting Martin all night, too.  Bully for me.  And I have to work today.  I'm feeling like crap already.  Joy. 

Oh well, I need to eat some more, get more fluids and get back on the horse and ride off into the watershed.  Tomorrow is the algae workshop so we will see if i am able to blog or not, not sure of the accomodations yet.  I'm pretty excited about it but it will be my first time away from Asher overnight. 

I did my first attempt at Gilroy Garlic Fries last night.  They are a lot of work if you bake them!  They turned out good  but not great.  I'm gonna keep working on it.

Okay, gonna eat this canned ravioli for breakfast and get to work.

It's so awesome that you came here, and I wanna give you some love

Anyway...
So...what else about California?  Wine tasting in Sonoma Valley?  Okay, you talked me into it. There was absolutely no pictures taken here, btw, even though we did have a camera.  I think it's because there were no babies, Ryan watched asher and Athena went to day care.  Which she retaliated the whole night for afterwards in case you wanted to know. 

man, we had fun.  It was a long ass drive there adn we passed a road being constructed out of, i kid you not, foam blocks.  Anyway, once we got there the wineries were everywhere.  I mean, we walked from one winery to the next in some places.  We found this pretty awesome woman at i think it was called paradise or pleasant or something family winery.  She was awesome, her name was Annette.  And they had the best, most kick ass dessert wine there, too, Ode de Joy.  Anyway, she talked to us for a while and i got pretty inebraited by the time we left, and that was just our third stop.  All the wineries we stopped at are documetned on my foursquare account, Ann and I started using it that day just for the wineries.  it was fun, JJ drove us and she kept saying "don't forget to check in".  Good times. 

Annette told us to try this restaraunt called the girl and the fig, so we did.  it was pretty expensive and fine dining but pretty tasty, too. 

Anyway, lots more wine tasting ensued after that but we didn't really find anythign we were in love wiht, we found out that Sonoma wines are all pretty dry because the valley gets too hot, we need to stick to the coastal areas where the weather is cooler to get sweeter wines.  We still got pretty inebriated and had a good time, though. 

Sorry this is rushed, i'm at work and I need to go...I'm being a bad ranger.

I fought the law but the law won't stop for the love of god

Another day at work.  J is back from his suspension, and still sick as a dog so if I get sick or Asher gets sick I will formally beat him senseless.  Jerk.  It's why we get sick time, take it off and stay home, don't make the rest of us sick, too. 

I don't feel like writing about cali today.  Sorry. 

Jen coming over tonight, we are going to try our hands at making california rolls.  good luck us...but with our track record, we might have california lumps.  oh well.

ry is working his three days off, and not even getting off early.  Fuck you, walmart.  Fuck you.  If he doesn't get this job I swear that I will pay more and shop elsewhere and you can go fuck yourself.

I'm a little angsty today. It's just that Ryan has spent exactly 17 minutes with asher in the last 4 days.  Fuck this shit.

Anyway...overtime shift tomorrow so i probably won't write until the afternoon, not that the internets cares.

If I tried to get away, how long until I'm free

So...unless I do it myself (which i just might) I won't have pics to upload until later this week or next perhaps. 

So...let's see.  I'm gonna skip around.  We went to Monterey Bay Aquarium with Ann and Athena.  The traffic there was not so bad, we drove through Salinas and saw where all of our yummy out of season fruit comes from.  Lots of sad Mexican workers doing work Americans are too lazy to do.  It really is hard work that no one here would be willing to do for the pay that it comes with.  Anyway, got to the bay area and ate at the Monterey Bay Brewing Company which was pretty yummy.  I had a good portabella burger and some awesome Gilroy garlic fries and veggie gratin (I'm gonna try to reproduce that recipe...wish me luck).  Then on to the aquarium. 

Did I mention the valet parking garage we parked in for $20.00?  They parked our cars on hydrolic ramps.  It was cool. 

Anyway...the aquarium was super crowded and cost 29.95 a person.  thank goodness asher is not 2 yet, he got in free.  But...the aquarium was super awesome and the kids had a great time.  So, it was worth it.  Some day I'll have pics to post from it. 

Now, on the way back, we hit rush hour traffic, which should be called rush three hour traffic.  We seriously sat on 1 for like an hour before we even got to 17.  It took us forever to get home with an upset and already napped up baby.  Oh well, it happens.  I did find out that Athena can be hynotized with Bob Marley. Must be her Jamacian roots. 

Anyway...more later on. 

Never trust a Ho

So, I am proposing a study at the city to eventually try and get something published.  Look at me, all official and grown up.  Hopefully the City doesn't bitch slap me down into oblivion.  I'll keep you posted. 

Have boat sales today in the rain, should be pleasant. 

I'll type more about Cali tomorrow, I'm just not in the mood today. 

Ry is at his interview for Assistant Mgr. Trainer.  Hopefully that goes well for him. 

Anyone want a super cheap condo?  Please?

Milli Vanilli is punk rock as it gets

hello again.  Back to work today.  Nothing here has changed since I left.  I'm not suprised. 

So...Monday in Cali we went to Santa Cruz which I posted about a few days ago.  I thought that Ry had the pics posted to picassa already but I was wrong.  So, no pics again.  *frowns*. 

i do have a pic from ann of the babies in matching pjs from the last day of our trip so I'll post that here.

And babies in the bath.  Athena got super excited to be taking a bath with Asher.  Asher found her to be a bit too enthusiastic and started crying.  So, bath fail but at least we got pictures. And I don't want to hear anything about baby bath pictures, there's nothing exposed so don't complain!

this joke has gone too far

hello. welcome to my first blog post from my fancy smart phone. I'll probably be spending a few days this week telling all about our awesome california trip and posting pics here and on picassa.

Today we will talk aboub gilroy garlic festival. Boy was that unexpectedly expensive, we were thinking, oh fun a festival with lots of garlic, but then the sheer massivity of the event was overwhelming almost. there were so many people there that we had to be bussed to the event from the parking lot. and of course we got separated from jason, ann and athena because we believed the california dept of transportation's direction signs instead of listening to good old deliahla the gps. never trust the cdot. anyway, we got there, ate lots of garlic food which was pretty awesome, and tried to walk around but it was soooo super crowded. JJ found us a kiddy music show which Athena threw down at. I also got hit on by a clown who said my tattoo was delicate and beautiful. and ry got bit by a really fat chipmunk on his hands. ill post pics of athena dancing later.

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