Wednesday, December 28, 2011

I should probably give this post a title

Hmm....cute video of Asher super jumping on his bed, then farting to propel himself farther (at least, that's his excuse). 

Tried to get photos off my phone from christmas time but it's being a challenge.  Usually they just load up to google+ automatically and I can pull them from there to here...but not today for some reason.  I'll work on it but I have to let you know in advance that I'm a bad mom and ry is a bad dad and we didn't take many photos.  I guess we just get caught up in the moment, and the minute Asher sees us taking a pic he either gets super hammy  or tells us not to take his picture and tries to grab the camera/phone away from us. 

Christmas was nice but I'm glad it's over.  Even with spreading it into 6 places in 3 days it's still tiring.  I just want to sleep for days.  Also, Asher refused to sleep through the night the entire four days I was off and also he wanted to get up prior to the crack of dawn so I was pretty tired overall anyway. 

Been thinking about baby names lately.  First off, Asher has me convinced it's a girl because he keeps saying things like "my baby sister is in mama's tummy".  We tell him, "It could be a brother, you don't know" and he tells us "I do know, and it isn't a brother.  It's a sister."  I think that is just wishful thinking for a boy who has no idea what he's talking about yet.  So, I need to stop thinking of it as a girl until we know what it is later on, probably around the beginning of March.  So far the names I like are Rory Ender if it's a boy and Rana Willow if it's a girl.  I have this thing with "r" this pregnancy because I also like the girl's name Raina. I don't know...Ry hasn't vetoed those two names yet so that's a good sign, but it's so early they could change a hundred times yet. 

Well, I can't get those photos up, I'll continue working on it and maybe make a bonus post later.  Happy New Year if I don't post again before then. 

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Singing glory days are gone and everything's okay

So, just getting ready for the holidays and then the new year.  I don't think we are planning on doing anything exciting this year for New Years Eve.  Maybe just skyping with the CA clan for a bit.  You aren't very much fun at a party with a 2 year old and being pregnant.  It is what it is. 

I have a new schedule for next year, starting on the 1st.  I thought I'd be happy about it but now I am sad, I am going to a regular Monday through Friday day shift.  So, I should be happy about having the whole weekend with my kin but instead I'm thinking it sucks because now Asher will have one more day at daycare and not at home. And then what will happen with #2?  I'm really not sure what we are going to do once s/he is born yet...I've got some time, I guess.  The one lab position's shift is looking to be  a day shift with days off as Tues and Weds...I might go for that if I was offered the option...then we would only have to have daycare for 3 days...but ry and I would never have a day off together.  Oh well, at least we would have the evenings.  And we could meet for lunch on the days the other is working. 

Time will tell. 

I've been feeling much better, pregnancy wise.  The last week or so has been so much better.  Still tired a lot but not overwhelmingly exhausted.  I'm not feeling nauseous as much as I was, barely at all, actually.  Thank goodness for that. 

I really don't have much else to say right now.  I'll post some xmas pics up probably next week sometime.  Asher's such a ham, so they should be pretty good. 

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Our only goal will be the western shores

I got a call on Friday night that my friend Ellen Rohland died in the hospital on December 9th at 5:30 pm.  She had been fighting an infection she got from falling on ice over 6 years ago.  She every time she would get better something would happen and put her back in the hospital and each time it was worse than the last.  I guess I'm glad she isn't suffering anymore but it just seems so wrong.  I mean, she was only 36.  People don't (shouldn't) die that young. 

Her mom called me and told me that she had passed on.  She told me that I was the first person she called.  Before her own family.  This statement bothers me.  I guess I should be flattered but it just makes me more sad.  I mean, does her mother really think that I was more of a support and friend to her than her own family during these times?  Did Ellen?  Because I feel I wasn't that good of a friend.  I tried to be, but with a kid and her being in and out of the hospital it was hard to see her.  She hadn't gotten out of the hospital for a long time, recently, and a month and a half ago her mother had called me and told me that Ellen had fallen into a coma.  She came out of that coma and I wanted to go visit but she was (and continued to be) in ICU for the whole time, which Asher is not allowed to visit.  I should have gotten a babysitter and gone to see her (but she was always so happy to see him).  I should have tried harder to call her (I could never get a hold of her when I did lately).  I don't know, I feel that I wasn't really there for her in the end.  As it was, we only got to visit around twice a year before this last event.  We did try to talk on the phone about once a month or so I just don't feel that it was enough.  I don't feel that I was there enough for her. 

But honestly, we only talked about once a month because talking to Ellen was hard.  It's very hard to have something encouraging to say to a woman who has spent 6 years in a hospital, who never seems to get better.  It's hard to be supportive and not say the same wrote things over and over again.  So, for the last couple of years, we just talked about me.  How selfish is that?  I felt it was selfish and I would feel bad for it, but it was better than the other stuff we could talk about.  About how she had yet another doctor who could do nothing for her.  How she got kicked out of another nursing home for being a "difficult" patient.  About how she is being moved to another care facility, one that can better take care of her special "needs".  I mean, we did talk about these things, too.  I think they made her depressed, too, when she talked about them and that's why we didn't dwell on them for long.  She loved to hear about Asher and what he was up to, what new words he had learned or what funny thing he had done recently.  I didn't even get to tell her I was pregnant again, I really had wanted to tell her that.  I think it really would have made her very happy.

She always wanted to go to Disney Land with me.  She had worked there as a young woman in college and loved every minute about it.  I've never met anyone so Disney obsessed as she was.  We had plans to go, just me and her (no kids or boys allowed!) when she got out of the hospital.  It was a dream she had and I was more than willing to oblige.  Obviously it never happened...

The worst part of the whole thing is that there will be no funeral.  Ellen's time in the hospital drained her mother's resources and she has nothing.  Not even enough for a funeral or a burial.  It's really sad.  And I feel I need some sort of closure.  I haven't seen her in months.  I haven't talked to her in months.  I feel kind of lost and adrift I understand that need for a funeral now.  I need to say goodbye and apologize for not being there as much as I should have been.  Her mother said she didn't want to ruin anyone's holidays with a memorial service (because Ellen's favorite times were the holidays), so she would maybe plan something in the springtime.  I hope so. 

So, rest in peace, Ellen Rohland.  And I'm sorry.